Would you married again (after a horrible divorce)?

[Jne1]

Just curious… My NEx has been hideous during the divorce process.
I want to believe that he’s only pig in the world but know this is unrealistic. So my question is, for those who have been through a horrible and messy divorce, would you ever get married again?

No, I'll never marry again. I have a lovely partner who is not interested in money or material things so I think it would be highly unlikely he'd try to rinse me like the current stxh is trying to do, despite barely seeing the kids and contributing very little financially over the years.

But, still...

Luckily he's not into the concept of marriage.

My ex will probably marry again if finds anyone dumb enough to last the distance. He's already fathered a child with some random woman from a very short relationship , so I can't see my children inheriting anything from him.

No and mine wasn't too bad.

I doubt it. 5 years after separating, 3 years after starting divorce proceedings, over a year into mediation and ex has just decided the settlement we had finally, finally agreed on doesn't actually suit him and wants to start all over again all whilst offering me less despite an increase in his earnings and pension. He is a narcissistic tosspot and consequently I have trust issues. Someone would have to be pretty fucking amazing to make me want to go down that route again.

I never made it to the divorce as my husband died 12 days before the nisi was pronounced. And no, I will never marry again or tie myself to another man. I'm 3 years out from his death and I still feel the same. I also feel no desire to date. The last 5 years of our marriage were dreadful. He did so much damage to his DDs and to me with his alcohol addiction.

And by contrast my life without him is just great. I have a nice house, a good job that pays enough for a comfortable life. My DDs and the foster son I took in after he died are all at uni and doing well in their lives. I have cats. What more could I want?

I nearly died when my friend said to me yesterday, "You'll marry again," in a lovely and well-intended way. But I thought, FUCK THAT SHIT and the horse it rode in on!
And speaking of horses, wild horses wouldn't drag me back into that flaming pit. Men are gross. Why would you have one of those farty, cantankerous bastards in the bed when there are cats and dogs? Don't get me wrong, I love a kebab. That doesn't mean I want to share a bed with one. All smelly and messy and gross. My STBX left on August 30th. I haven't missed him once. Haven't cried for him. Nothing. I feel guilty for LOVING this freedom. And I shouldn't feel guilty. He was an awful man. I was completely duped and betrayed. I endured years of suffocation and just dying on the vine.
Now I sleep every night with the dog, the cats, the kids. I love it. I swear, it's all the therapy I need after years of abuse and neglect.

The problem with my ex is he's about to go to prison. So our financial side of divorce is so messy and confusing. No lawyer can handle it properly. That's the only scary thing.

I guess though, OP, it depends. I mean, I married in my 20s, had a child, we divorced. It was painful. Now that one I cried rivers over! He wasn't terrible. At the time I thought he was, but in retrospect, he just fell out of love with me. But he wasn't a total ass. A bit of a one but not a total one.

I remarried in my late 30s, had 2 more kids and holy shit on speed, what a disaster. Not the kids! The kids are great! But their dad? Oh my God... my bad marriage story with husband number 2 can trump anyone else's. It's not a race to the bottom, I know. But still, if you ever want to feel better about your divorce or your ex, I can do that by telling you just how evil mine was. Mine's a criminal who did heinous things. It really is dreadful to lose your marriage and to have the added element of learning that this person you've spent years with is really a bad human being. Lots to unpack with ye olde therapist.

But back to you, OP, I'd never rule out a second marriage. I mean, look at me, I didn't! I would, in my case especially, rule out a third!

Never. I was with my ex for about 20 years and we were married for most of those. I’m done. I’m never going to live with a man again either.

Certainly not. The most tedious, mundane, over rated shackle. I wouldn't even live with someone.

My divorce wasn’t particularly hideous. I came out of it ok and XH has the freedom to go off and make loads of money unencumbered by his family so he’s ok too.

I met DP shortly after splitting with XH and that was nearly 10 years ago now. We haven’t married due to the logistics of kids and schools etc but I would dearly love to be more committed to each other.

With the way the housing market looks, our DCs won’t be going anywhere for a very long time so no chance to move in together. However having just seen his DB go through a tricky divorce, he’s not keen to marry me. I’ve offered to do a pre-nup to protect us both (& our DCs) and have even said I’d be happy to be engaged even if we never actually got married, as I don’t want to be a ‘girlfriend’ in my 50s.

He was engaged to his ex but never married and I feel aggrieved that I haven’t managed to secure any kind of commitment from him after 10 years. I understand that it’s a legal contract and all about money and property etc but it’s also about love and commitment and being a team. I want that.

My divorce wasn't hideous or acrimonious but it's extremely unlikely that I'd marry again.

Back in my 20s and 30s the desire to settle down came from wanting to have children and the legal protection to ensure I'd not be left completely vulnerable. I understood that marriage for me wasn't about emotional commitment (I knew marriage can't enforce that nor guarantee it).

Roll on almost 10 years, and I'm now single and pregnant (IVF using a sperm donor), own my home (mortgaged) and am content with things as they are. What would be the point at this stage to get financially and legally embroiled with someone again? The freedom to navigate my life as I please is really important to me, as well as the financial independence.

I did have a 2 year 'situanship' with someone - before embarking upon the solo parenting route - whom I really loved and I saw a 'future/longevity' with but it was tied up with wanting children (with him) rather than the marriage part...

when we did our wills and realised how much tax we'd pay if one of us died. Very unromantic.

@Purplewithred I, too, was convinced by the argument that with the house price rises around here, unless we married, the survivor would be faced with an IHT bill to remain in the house whose mortgage we paid off ten years ago.

Two purposes to Marriage: to protect SAHP and avoid IHT

No way, purely for financial & property reasons I would never marry again.

No, I can't see myself even living with someone again let alone marrying. I honestly don't see the point in it.

Ex was abusive and the divorce horrendous but that was more than 10 years ago. I too said never again BUT have been with dp for 8 years now and is the kindest most loving chap and I seem to have changed my mind.

He was recently diagnosed with an aggressive cancer and this has changed my feelings on marriage. I would love to marry him now as it is a sign of our commitment and love.

I don’t want anything financial at all from him (we have similar very good salaries and Own our own homes) so we would have a prenup - ring fencing the properties for our respective children and opting out of any claim on each other’s pensions in case of a divorce.

He has already given me a medical power of attorney (we are abroad so things may be different here).

It's weird. I mever really libed my 1st husband and then spent 3 years saying never again.

But now, in love, i want to call my boyfriend my husband. I want to publically state the commitment i am prepared to make to him. We would absolutely pre nup everything though as we are both financial equals but i have kids.

Even though I live in a country that recognises ante nuptial contracts, I still wouldn't.

I don't get the point of marriage once you've had DC and are older (I'm 50).

But then again I'm a hardened cow because of marriage and divorce.

@sofato5miles

It's weird. I mever really libed my 1st husband and then spent 3 years saying never again.

But now, in love, i want to call my boyfriend my husband. I want to publically state the commitment i am prepared to make to him. We would absolutely pre nup everything though as we are both financial equals but i have kids.

What is the commitment that you are publicly stating if you have a pre nup?

No, probably not, but it wasn't the divorce that scarred me, it was the marriage. Why would I want to do that again?

God no, it's bonkers how long it takes to divorce. Being single is fabulous, I'd never want to have to compromise or share my home with another man.

The PP who has been in mediation for three years. Just go to court and let them decide, he's abusing you.

No. Divorce protracted but not particularly hideous. But still would not want to be so tied to another person again.

I'm married
I'd never ever do it again
No thankya

When I got divorced I felt the same way. In fact wouldn’t have wanted to share my life with another man ever again. Because my experience was so utterly horrific.

I’m married to lovely DH now. But this is the final one. Wouldn’t do it again. Quite positive on that front.

Going through a horrible divorce at the moment. Looking back, there were doubts even when I married stbxh, over 20 years ago. So my view now is that I'd be much wiser the second time around, should the possibility ever arise. Never say never and all that.

Not that I'm looking. I'm not ready to even think about dating yet, not sure if I ever will be. And I would have grave concerns about how my remarrying might affect my children, even though the youngest is 15. I

Can I ask those of you that have divorced, how did your family treat your ex?

If you have children there is a lifelong tie to that person. So was your wider family civil with them on that basis? Did anyone take it upon themselves to give them a piece of their mind... potentially making a bad situation worse?

Yes. I did, and although it was arguably an act of optimism over experience, I'm happy! I was a lot more careful this time though. The interview process was much more thorough :)