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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Would you married again (after a horrible divorce)?

88 replies

Jne1 · 07/11/2021 07:57

Just curious… My NEx has been hideous during the divorce process.
I want to believe that he’s only pig in the world but know this is unrealistic. So my question is, for those who have been through a horrible and messy divorce, would you ever get married again?

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 08/11/2021 12:29

I wouldnt get married agsin. Can't see the point.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 08/11/2021 12:32

I would.

I'm perhaps older than PPs and I just cannot see how my slightly long-distance relationship will work when we're in our 70s or 80s!

alwayswrighty · 08/11/2021 12:34

@Purplewithred exactly how I felt. I had a very nasty divorce and remained single for many years, was with my current husband when I nearly died from meningitis and had a panic on because our affairs weren't in order. Marriage was the quickest and most cost effective way of resolving this.

Enko · 08/11/2021 12:39

Not been through a divorce however my dad married 5 times 4 divorces he is now a window .

My mother moved in with the OM and never married him. Caused no end of issues when she passed away 3 years ago. I so wish they had married.

If dh or I die or divorce I hope both of us could find happiness again and yes I would consider marriage again.

fuckoffImcounting · 08/11/2021 13:00

Nope. Still happily married but if that ended I would not remarry - to protect my assets for DC to inherit and also being in my sixties, I would not even want to date some of the nasty old men I know. I might look for a relationship with a woman though.

TheWomandestroyed · 08/11/2021 13:02

I like the fantasy of having a lovely husband, especially at Christmas time for some reason. But considering I have now been on my own for about 6 years, not even a date or a sniff of anything after a 20 year relationship , I don't think it would ever happen. As a previous poster said, I want financial security and peace of mind over all else.

Lovinglife45 · 08/11/2021 13:23

Aposter
Thank you for sharing. Sounds like a wonderful wedding with just just the two of youSmile

LividLaVidaLoca · 08/11/2021 13:25

I always said NFW.

Until eleven years later the right chap appeared and I was pregnant…

Redcrayons · 08/11/2021 13:32

Unless Chris Hemsworth becomes available then absolutely no chance.

It’s taken me too long to get rid of one husband, I don’t want another one.

Pyewackect · 08/11/2021 13:50

I've seen men financially destroyed by divorce so I guess they can take it personnally. My brother was left living in a converted shipping container while his ex wife emigrated to Austalia, with the full agreement of the court. He hasn't seen his kids since. That stays with some people.

He's still quite young and works-out regularly but he told me he's simply not prepared to put that level of trust in anybody ever again and avoids any sort of relationship. Sad, coz he's a lovely guy and my kids love him.

StaceysmomandIhavegotitgoinon · 08/11/2021 13:52

Not a hope.

navigatingbreakup · 08/11/2021 14:07

Is it the case that you fully expected never to get divorced that you got married in the first place?

Would be interested to hear peoples reasons for getting married initially given that the majority are now so dead set against it.

DriftingBlue · 08/11/2021 14:11

I did marry again after my messy divorce. The caveat was that we had no children.

My current husband and I do have a child. If anything happens with our marriage, either divorce or death, I don’t believe I would remarry because I would not want to do anything that would complicate inheritance.

Lovinglife45 · 08/11/2021 14:29

navigating
I did not ever contemplate divorce. It was not on my radar. I expected challenges but along the lines of finances, poor communication, illness, in-laws etc.

Infidelity will never be categorised as a challenge in my books, it is a deal breaker.

Redcrayons · 08/11/2021 14:30

@navigatingbreakup

Is it the case that you fully expected never to get divorced that you got married in the first place?

Would be interested to hear peoples reasons for getting married initially given that the majority are now so dead set against it.

Of course I didn’t get married thinking I’d get divorced. Does anyone? I got married because I was in love and wanted children. I’ll never marry again, because the last few years of my marriage and separation were painful and I’m never putting myself in that position. I also don’t want to be financially vulnerable in the way I was before.
SammyScrounge · 08/11/2021 14:37

No. Once bitten...

Roselilly36 · 08/11/2021 14:59

I am happily married, grown up children, if something happened to my partner, no way would I ever re-marry.

blackcurrantjam · 08/11/2021 15:03

@navigatingbreakup it's the extraction process and the painful last year of marriage that puts me off. But mainly the extraction process legally and financially.

Is there a way to marry but safeguard childrens inheritance?

blackcurrantjam · 08/11/2021 15:07

@navigatingbreakup I got married because I loved him, shared ideas, dreams, interests and enjoyed his company, so we got married. Then we had children. Then he played out the Mumsnet script to the letter it seems. It's complex Confused but he's behaved like such a knob that I wonder if any of it was true at all?! So I'd always be thinking, if he can seem to change so wildly, so can anyone Confused

Bopahula · 08/11/2021 15:15

I had a perfectly easy divorce, my EXH was amiable, we didn't even touch a solicitor. All just agree with us both. We have a child together and he's happily remarried again.

Me, I'd never marry again anyway. Initially to protect my assets for my DD. Ive just watched a friend separate where she earns more but they have no kids. She's lost thousands to get rid of him.

I'm not even sure I want to date formally again. Or live with anyone else. A nice FWB situation suits me down to the ground.

Greenhand · 08/11/2021 15:23

No. Despite being a Christian, I think marriage is a ridiculous legal construct now. If you want the big party - great have one. If you want to make promises in front of family and friends - again do so. If you want to share finances - great.
I always thought marriage was a commitment but now I see it as a disaster to extract yourself when it goes wrong and the only people who benefit are lawyers.

Strongerthanyouthink · 08/11/2021 15:29

Would I marry again? Probably not! But.... you just never know. I don't know how I would feel if I met somebody who I thought was really right for me. But I would want to protect my children and myself financially. Also, I'm not worried so much about not trusting a man again, more about trusting my own judgement as I got it so amazingly wrong the first time round!

Maze76 · 08/11/2021 16:55

As it stands now, no I wouldn’t. I’m currently going through the divorce process and the cost, emotionally and financially- isn’t worth it.

winniemum · 08/11/2021 17:13

Possibly would if I met the loveliest man on the planet but I’d definitely protect my assets first and leave any money, obviously in my sole name, to my children.
My H is about to swan off into the distance with half my inheritance whilst trying to grab everything else I have too.

Original poster
Jne1 · 08/11/2021 17:51

Thanks everyone. Useful to hear from others!
I’m seeing someone now and am technically still married (absolute on its way - fingers crossed for a smooth home run although I’m doubtful!).
I flit between being an ‘old romantic’ to ‘hell why would I even think about it given what I’ve been going though’ - and wanted to hear from others x

OP posts:
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