Would you married again (after a horrible divorce)?

[Jne1]

Just curious… My NEx has been hideous during the divorce process.
I want to believe that he’s only pig in the world but know this is unrealistic. So my question is, for those who have been through a horrible and messy divorce, would you ever get married again?

I nearly never got married after my parent’s horrible divorce. 8 years to get divorced , another 7 years of continued financial and custody battles after that.

Yes with two provisos:

1. Therapy to get over my own baggage
2. Something like the Freedom Programme or a good dating coach to spot the people with their own baggage or deeper psychological problems.

@mortgagedilema Slightly odd extrapolation. Pre nup/ statement of assets is ring fencing the bulk of our current assets for my children and his nieces/ nephews. We have already talked about what we put in together and ensuring that we have a home that is protected for both of us when one dies. We are both career driven so the asset building within the marriage is also a thing.🤷🏻‍♀️

@parentsonthenet

Can I ask those of you that have divorced, how did your family treat your ex?

If you have children there is a lifelong tie to that person. So was your wider family civil with them on that basis? Did anyone take it upon themselves to give them a piece of their mind... potentially making a bad situation worse?

My separation was civil so easy for extended family. My ex stayed at my dad's house last year for 3 days as he lives near LHR and ex had the kids after an overseas trip.

No. Don't even want to have a relationship. It's taken nearly four years to recover from the emotional & financial abuse. I didn't realise how much he took from me, but am never going there again.

God no. The first marriage has been enough bother

Divorce not even messy. No animosity.

But absolutely not!! Crazy to bring a man into our home - most dangerous thing you can do for your children's mental health and safety. Utterly stupid and risky idea financially. And whhhhyyy would I want to?

You can have another relationship if/ when you want one without moving in with someone or marrying them.

As they say, the definition of madness is doing the same thing again and expecting a different result.

@FinallyHere

when we did our wills and realised how much tax we'd pay if one of us died. Very unromantic.

@Purplewithred I, too, was convinced by the argument that with the house price rises around here, unless we married, the survivor would be faced with an IHT bill to remain in the house whose mortgage we paid off ten years ago.

Two purposes to Marriage: to protect SAHP and avoid IHT

The IHT point is irrelevant if, like 90% of respondents on the thread, you have no intention to cohabit with your partner (should you choose to find one).

@RaisedByPangolins

My divorce wasn’t particularly hideous. I came out of it ok and XH has the freedom to go off and make loads of money unencumbered by his family so he’s ok too.

I met DP shortly after splitting with XH and that was nearly 10 years ago now. We haven’t married due to the logistics of kids and schools etc but I would dearly love to be more committed to each other.

With the way the housing market looks, our DCs won’t be going anywhere for a very long time so no chance to move in together. However having just seen his DB go through a tricky divorce, he’s not keen to marry me. I’ve offered to do a pre-nup to protect us both (& our DCs) and have even said I’d be happy to be engaged even if we never actually got married, as I don’t want to be a ‘girlfriend’ in my 50s.

He was engaged to his ex but never married and I feel aggrieved that I haven’t managed to secure any kind of commitment from him after 10 years. I understand that it’s a legal contract and all about money and property etc but it’s also about love and commitment and being a team. I want that.

This sounds worrying, like you are projecting self-esteem issues onto the relationship; like you need a public sign of "commitment" from him to validate you and the relationship, rather than taking that validation from the relationship itself and how you are together. I would suggest therapy to address this.

No I would never marry again . In my view you can be in a committed relationship and do all the sickness and in health bit because you love them not because of a piece of paper that says you have to be that way. My divorce is nearing the end thank god but it has almost literally drained the life out of me and I wiuld never go through ot again just so I could call a man my husband.
Any relationship is a partnership that happens with or without a marriage certificate.

I possibly would but only if I get married abroad with just the two of us and a witness. I hate fuss! My first wedding was in a registry office. I didn’t want the big white wedding! Maybe that’s because - deep down - he wasn’t the one!

I didn't have a terribly complicated divorce, but I was in an emotionally abusive marriage. It took me a long time to even realise that (because it wasn't cuts and bruises he left me with, the scars were harder for me to see) and I swore I would never ever get married again.

6 years later and I cannot wait to marry the kindest and most loving man in the world next year. It's like the previous marriage never even happened. Things can change.

I am about to be single for the first time since I was 17, I can't bloody wait!

The only man I will ever have living in my house is my son and any future son in laws.

I might let the odd nice FWB in from time to time but even that is a LONG way off.

@Enko

Not been through a divorce however my dad married 5 times 4 divorces he is now a window .

My mother moved in with the OM and never married him. Caused no end of issues when she passed away 3 years ago. I so wish they had married.

If dh or I die or divorce I hope both of us could find happiness again and yes I would consider marriage again.

Not a window?🤣