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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Financial disclosure

91 replies

HELPNEEDHELP12398765 · 28/10/2021 14:28

I would really like some advice please, I have name changed for this. Is there anyway I won't have to provide 12 months worth of bank statements for all my accounts?

I had a £4.5k squirriled away as an emergency fund as things had been difficult at home for a long time. My husband and I always had very seperate finances, with household bills coming from the joint account, which my husband paid a set amount into each month to cover. Everything else stayed in his personal account. From my part time wages I paid for everything for the kids from my personal account, my car, my phone etc.

The savings I had didn't come from the joint account. I had a bit of a side hustle going on, nothing illegal but not something my husband would approve of and I made some money. I had this in a separate account and added money that I got given as birthday/Christmas gifts to it, along with money I made completing surveys, selling things on ebay etc. The money has already been spent on paying off my debts and on paying Household bills after we separated so the account only has pennies left in it.

I really don't want him to see the bank statements for this account. He will be furious that I was building an emergency fund that he knew nothing about and try to use it against me, particularly how some of the money was made. I don't care about the money. I haven't spent it on designer clothes, holidays etc. It has paid off my credit card, bought food and clothes for the kids and paid the heating bills.

I was thinking it was 6 months statements needed in which case that would be OK as there is no money in the account and hasn't been for some time but 12 months and he will see it all. I am really panicked now, our relationship was rocky and money was always a tricky subject. I feel sick at the thought of this all.

OP posts:
freeatlast2021 · 29/10/2021 19:17

Hello OP, I do not live in UK so unfortunately cannot give you a sound advice. However, I just separated. My ex and I could not afford lawyers so went with mediator. Here where I live you are supposed to give at least three months worth of statements. I brought one and my ex brought a list with totals Confused. Mediator said nothing.

We put together separation agreement based on whatever each of us submitted and that will be accepted as such. I guess only in case if we wanted to go through court we would have to bring those statements, but we did not because apparently it is quite expensive.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 29/10/2021 19:21

Yes, you have to submit 12 months worth of bank statements.

Could you string the divorce out by another 6 months so that it won't show anything?

Original poster
HELPNEEDHELP12398765 · 29/10/2021 22:19

@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe

Yes, you have to submit 12 months worth of bank statements.

Could you string the divorce out by another 6 months so that it won't show anything?

I was originally hoping to be able to do that as we had talked about not rushing things but he is now saying we need to swap financial info ASAP as he has instructed solicitors so I don't see how I can.
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Viviennemary · 29/10/2021 22:25

You will just have to come clean. Unless you transfer the money into somebody else's name and keep quiet that the acount ever existed. How would he know the account existed.

Charliebong · 29/10/2021 22:29

The same advice as previous poster...keep quiet about the account.

Original poster
HELPNEEDHELP12398765 · 29/10/2021 22:34

There's no money left in the account, only a few pence. Only problem is that I transferred some money to it from my current account back in Jan/Feb time so this transfer would show if I gave him 12 months of statements from my current account right now. Also there were some transactions from my PayPal account so he would see it there if I have to give him PayPal account statements (will I have to?)

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ElfDragon · 29/10/2021 22:42

You have to give 12 months.

And can ask for more (I have had to, due to exH stalling for months at a time, I suspect to hide transactions and keep certain accounts quiet). He has not yet disclosed fully, and I suspect this will not look good for him once it does finally get to court. He keeps trying to muddy the waters.

Disclose everything.

He can try to make out you are unreasonable for having this money, but ultimately, it does (did?) exist and should be disclosed. You wouldn’t like it if he was similarly hiding various accounts/amounts of money.

Palavah · 29/10/2021 22:44

Does it matter now? He can't get his hands on the money now it's been spent.

Original poster
HELPNEEDHELP12398765 · 29/10/2021 23:04

I don't care about the money itself, if it was still there I would happily give him half in a settlement. Its that I don't want him seeing how I managed to make the money and save it as I'm worried about his reaction. He will use it against me I'm sure. I know I will have to show him 12 months statements for all of the accounts and I won't try to hide anything. I had just hoped we would get to this stage later next year and it then wouldn't be an issue. I will just have to try to explain to him why I didn't tell him about the money or how I was making it and hope in time he won't be too angry and that maybe we can still remain amicable further down the line.

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GenderAtheist · 29/10/2021 23:07

Can I just check that I understand ? The only reasons that you don’t want him to know about it is that he will be angry ? And there’s no money left anyway ?

He’s going to be angry with you anyway, you are divorcing him! You’ve done nothing illegal or even immoral - how can he use it against you?

It’s no fault divorce here in the UK - he doesn’t get a bigger share of the assets if he can show that you told lies. Anyway it sounds as if you had to lie to him because he was controlling. Especially as you used the money for your kids.

I’m not clear why you can’t just delay for a few months? Why does he get to dictate the timetable ?

Original poster
HELPNEEDHELP12398765 · 29/10/2021 23:14

@GenderAtheist

Can I just check that I understand ? The only reasons that you don’t want him to know about it is that he will be angry ? And there’s no money left anyway ?

He’s going to be angry with you anyway, you are divorcing him! You’ve done nothing illegal or even immoral - how can he use it against you?

It’s no fault divorce here in the UK - he doesn’t get a bigger share of the assets if he can show that you told lies. Anyway it sounds as if you had to lie to him because he was controlling. Especially as you used the money for your kids.

I’m not clear why you can’t just delay for a few months? Why does he get to dictate the timetable ?

It's mainly how I made the money that is an issue, I know he won't approve and will twist it round to say I can't be trusted. I worry he'll think I can't be trusted and so should have less time with the kids.

Can I just delay the timescales? I assumed that if I start getting letters from his solicitor requesting it all that I need to get everything collated and sent off.

OP posts:
GenderAtheist · 29/10/2021 23:15

I see so many women here on MN who bend over backwards for their ex during the divorce, letting him take the assets that belong to their children. All in an attempt to make it “ amicable “ and stop him “being angry” or “ taking it out on the kids “ .

I’m afraid that it never works - 90% of these women get screwed over by their exes. Men who were selfish controlling bastards as husbands will be exactly the same as ex husbands. They won’t start being nice and kind because you let them walk all over you.

They won’t be reasonable just because you are. Did they reciprocate your loving kindness during the marriage ? No? In that case why will they start now? They don’t get issued with a new personality along with the divorce papers.

They will take all that money you gave them to “be nice“ and piss it up the wall on a new car or more likely on OW and her kids. They will take her kids to Disneyland while you can’t afford a week in Skegness for yours.

Fuck being nice.

GenderAtheist · 29/10/2021 23:18

It's mainly how I made the money that is an issue, I know he won't approve and will twist it round to say I can't be trusted. I worry he'll think I can't be trusted and so should have less time with the kids

He doesn't get to decide how much time you have with the kids. Are you now and have you always been the main carer for the children ? The courts look for stability and welfare of the children as their first concern.

It really doesn't matter if he approves of you or not. You don’t need his approval anymore. Does he approve of you divorcing him?

Original poster
HELPNEEDHELP12398765 · 29/10/2021 23:22

Our relationship did have a lot of issues and I suppose I am finding it all to easy to forget those since we have had time apart and are actually getting on well at the moment. I probably need to keep reminding myself of why I am doing this and that I need to make sure I too get a fair deal from the divorce.

OP posts:
GenderAtheist · 29/10/2021 23:23

If you don’t have your own solicitor then just reply to his saying

“ I acknowledge receipt of your letter of [date] the contents of which are noted. I will revert to you in due course “.

Then get some advice to see if you do have to act. but ideally just do nothing . Let his lawyer chase you at £300 an hour.

You can spin it out with some replies that also say nothing.

GenderAtheist · 29/10/2021 23:24

Yes you do need a fair deal , for your children’s sake .

Original poster
HELPNEEDHELP12398765 · 29/10/2021 23:24

@GenderAtheist

It's mainly how I made the money that is an issue, I know he won't approve and will twist it round to say I can't be trusted. I worry he'll think I can't be trusted and so should have less time with the kids

He doesn't get to decide how much time you have with the kids. Are you now and have you always been the main carer for the children ? The courts look for stability and welfare of the children as their first concern.

It really doesn't matter if he approves of you or not. You don’t need his approval anymore. Does he approve of you divorcing him?

Yes I am the main carer and always have been. No he definitely does not approve of me divorcing him.
OP posts:
Original poster
HELPNEEDHELP12398765 · 29/10/2021 23:27

@GenderAtheist

If you don’t have your own solicitor then just reply to his saying

“ I acknowledge receipt of your letter of [date] the contents of which are noted. I will revert to you in due course “.

Then get some advice to see if you do have to act. but ideally just do nothing . Let his lawyer chase you at £300 an hour.

You can spin it out with some replies that also say nothing.

Thank you. No I don't have a solicitor at the moment as I can't really afford the fees right now. I will get some innitial advice and then see where I stand.
OP posts:
RandomMess · 29/10/2021 23:28

How is he going to know how you had the money? That isn't any of his business, savings from work, birthday gifts, from family, selling on eBay.

Then financial disclosure is not about justifying why and how you had some money squirrelled away just that you admit you had it.

You may be surprised to see how much he was earning and keep for himself and not sharing with his wife and DC!

Theunamedcat · 29/10/2021 23:33

By the time he instructs a solicitor and you instruct yours time will.have passed

Is it really 6 months you need or less?

theskyisbluernow · 29/10/2021 23:34

No you don't have to show him ANY of your accounts if this is a UK divorce, if you opt for a 'financial consent order'- but then you both have to agree on what that financial agreement is, and your lawyers will ask you to sign an opt out to prevent you from sueing them. With that way you don't even have to fill it that impenetrably long form. I did it, for different reasons (ex-DP was clearly desperate for me not to see his accounts), and worked out fine. Far less expensive than court, but you have to know why you're doing it.

Couldhavebeenme3 · 29/10/2021 23:35

Wait until his solicitor formally requests the information as part of the proceedings, then send them directly to the solicitor. There's nothing he'll be able to do with them until then, other than hold you accountable for every penny you've saved or spend.

Day to day Financial activity (unless abuse/illegal/hugely irresponsible) should have little effect on what happens with the kids. You said you had £4.5k saved, how much altogether is in the pot? It may be a small percentage of the matrimonial assets anyway, so almost irrelevant from a settlement perspective

Original poster
HELPNEEDHELP12398765 · 29/10/2021 23:41

@Theunamedcat

By the time he instructs a solicitor and you instruct yours time will.have passed

Is it really 6 months you need or less?

Yes it would be just over 6 months I'd need which is a long time to drag things out if he is adamant he wants to start things moving legally.
OP posts:
Original poster
HELPNEEDHELP12398765 · 29/10/2021 23:42

@RandomMess

How is he going to know how you had the money? That isn't any of his business, savings from work, birthday gifts, from family, selling on eBay.

Then financial disclosure is not about justifying why and how you had some money squirrelled away just that you admit you had it.

You may be surprised to see how much he was earning and keep for himself and not sharing with his wife and DC!

He'll be able to see clearly from the bank statements where a lot of the money has come from.
OP posts:
Original poster
HELPNEEDHELP12398765 · 29/10/2021 23:43

@Couldhavebeenme3

Wait until his solicitor formally requests the information as part of the proceedings, then send them directly to the solicitor. There's nothing he'll be able to do with them until then, other than hold you accountable for every penny you've saved or spend.

Day to day Financial activity (unless abuse/illegal/hugely irresponsible) should have little effect on what happens with the kids. You said you had £4.5k saved, how much altogether is in the pot? It may be a small percentage of the matrimonial assets anyway, so almost irrelevant from a settlement perspective

We don't really have much in the way of assets, just the equity in the house. No joint savings and pensions are unlikely to be worth a lot
OP posts: