Divorce settlement?

[lollypop29]

Hi everyone

Am I entitled to a divorce settlement from my husband if he has owned his property for 10 years before we got married?

We have only been married for 2.5 years but I have left due to abuse. We have a 1 year old together who will be living with me.

Thanks

I think PP is misunderstanding. My point is that OP's child should not be living in rental for the rest of their childhood when their father has the amount he does in assets ans income.

@asteroommatus

If you do that op you need to be in work ASAP.

UC and a £40 per month business isn't going to get you a mortgage. Neither is CMS.

Even if your business was doing 4k a month self employed people need to prove a history of it. You don't have one. When employed they want to know you are have been there a while and permanent.

This could take a while. Start ASAP. Divorce isn't quick and you need as much stability as possible.

The business is only earning so little as I've had no time to do it recently with my dad dying etc I only set it up afew months ago, if I put my child into nursery and I do it full time it could earn around 1k + a month, I just haven't had the time yet. I know many many people (including single mums) who do what I do for a business and they are able to manage

For now I'm going to save as much as I can, I'll stay with my mum until I have inheritance and then I'll see what I can afford. Ive started the divorce process so hopefully that won't be too long with a clean break

@MoonahStone

A quick question OP is your husband employed or runs his own business? I ask as I've seen far too many posts on here when the ex gets CMS reduced by downplaying their income when self employed.

He's self employed 😭 but he's been quite reasonable about CM and has agreed to a private agreement that we will have legally binding through the court until until our child is 18. That's all we've managed to agree so far, but I'm really grateful it's a substantial amount to help with living costs and he's been reasonable about it.

My understanding is you'd just want to get as far away as possible from the abuser as you possibly can.. Why would you want to prolong it?

I know many many people (including single mums) who do what I do for a business

It's a MLM "business" then?

@tiggerwhocamefortea

I know many many people (including single mums) who do what I do for a business

It's a MLM "business" then?

No, it isn't

I think posters are trying to be realistic but coming across as a bit harsh.

I would ignore those talking about barristers at this stage, you absolutely don't need to be going into court with barristers to get a divorce, you might, but not until you've tried to reach and agreement through solicitors. You won't have to go through mediation in your circumstances but you'll still be expected to try to reach an agreement. It's rarely worth the court costs and barristers bills.

Effectively CMS is going to be his contribution to putting a roof over your child's head, plus possibly a small amount of capital from equity, because it's a short marriage you haven't accumulated a share to release.

I know it sounds a bit unfair that you potentially get so little. But you will get something. And your freedom from an abusive husband is worth more than you know. I stayed with mine for all the wrong reasons and now 23 yrs later going through a most painful and expensive high conflict divorce. One reason I stayed was because I feared him and the MIL would steal my children. Can you believe 23 yrs later they are still trying to do that. You are good to get out now.

@KatieWL

I know it sounds a bit unfair that you potentially get so little. But you will get something. And your freedom from an abusive husband is worth more than you know. I stayed with mine for all the wrong reasons and now 23 yrs later going through a most painful and expensive high conflict divorce. One reason I stayed was because I feared him and the MIL would steal my children. Can you believe 23 yrs later they are still trying to do that. You are good to get out now.

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. This is exactly how I felt and why I didn't want to leave. He's threatened to take our child so many times and the thought of it alone is awful. But a mothers strength and position with outweigh everything. A child will always need their mother

Op may be awarded some spousal too based on earnings. I would expect this To be short term while child is young but on those earnings, he may be required to pay to allow op time to return to full time employment and be financially independent

@HouseOfFire

The OP has made it clear she doesn't want heaps off her ex, just a fair contribution towards housing their child. I.e. him taking responsibility for their child too.

OP wants Ex to keep her in the manner she believes she is entitled to, she believes that after a short marriage she is entitled to half his property, not a fair share, she believes she should keep all of her deposit (which is somewhere around £30k) and the inheritance (either £230k or £300k) and from what I can work out has either moved 2 hours away to be with family, or cannot afford to buy a property near Ex....

that could be why OP is not getting the support she thinks she should be getting....

The OP has said no such thing at all.

Just to make you are @lollypop29 - anything you agree in court for child maintenance is only legally binding for 12 months. After that, there is no way to enforce anything other than CMS amounts (whether you go through CMS or not).

You've said you're getting something that will be legally binding until your child is 18. And that's just not possible for child maintenance, if he chooses not to stick to it.

You really need to ensure you have a good and realistic solicitor.

@bhooks

Just to make you are *@lollypop29* - anything you agree in court for child maintenance is only legally binding for 12 months. After that, there is no way to enforce anything other than CMS amounts (whether you go through CMS or not).

You've said you're getting something that will be legally binding until your child is 18. And that's just not possible for child maintenance, if he chooses not to stick to it.

You really need to ensure you have a good and realistic solicitor.

Jesus 😩 well I've got a fun few years ahead of me then!

well I've got a fun few years ahead of me then!

Yup.

OP, I’m not trying to scare you but I think you’re looking at this the wrong way. It’s not about what you can get from him, it’s about what you can do now to set yourself up for a secure future without needing him.

Unfortunately, you’ve married a wrong ‘un. You need to work off the basis that if he did bad things while you were married, he’ll be even worse when divorcing. I don’t mean necessarily in terms of abuse, but more along the lines of control.

There are a few red flags here.

He’s self-employed. It’s going to be very easy for him to start taking dividends instead of wages from the business and show the courts that he’s only earning a small amount so can only afford limited CMS.
Prepare yourself for this.

He’s still only in his early-30s. Chances are he’ll meet someone else and may even have more children.
Sadly, when this happens, lousy men often lose interest in kids from previous relationships.
What I’m saying is, even if he does agree to a generous amount of child maintenance, you have to prepare for the day when he turns around and says he’s cutting it significantly.

He will come after your inheritance. You need to operate on the basis that he’ll pursue it.

You’ve absolutely done the best thing for both you and your child by leaving, but now you need to protect both of you from him trying to financially control you in the future.

The only way to do this is to be independent. It doesn’t sound like your business is feasible. Put it on the back burner and revisit it at some stage in the future when you’re more secure.

For now, you need a job with a guaranteed income.

This will help you not only be able to get a mortgage in future, but will also ensure that you’re in control of your finances and housing no matter what happens long-term with your ex.

Stop waiting around for this guy to give you anything. Chances are, as time goes on, he’s going to be less inclined to give you even the legal minimum, let alone a fair contribution towards your daughter.

@oviraptor21

I think PP is misunderstanding. My point is that OP's child should not be living in rental for the rest of their childhood when their father has the amount he does in assets ans income.

Maybe the child can live ft with dad then, and only has to lower their standard of living when visiting mum (I'm not serious, as I have read this and other threads about OP's concerns re dv and police involvement with stbx care of the dc. But there really is no expectation of the court to provide the same standard of living at both homes - if so, would op be prepared/expected to hand it back once the dc leaves home, and go back to her pre-marriage state of renting? Would she prefer to pay peppercorn rent on a luxury place to the ex in lieu of another landlord, then move out when dc is 18?)

There was disparity before they met, dad is paying (above) his legal responsibility, it sounds like, from OP's own posts, there isn't nearly as much equity in the former matrimonial home as she originally claimed, and the precedent is a SHARE in the INCREASE of the equity over 2.5 years.

All their assets go in the pot, including potentially, eventually OP's inheritance.

It's a tough time for the op at the moment but a good few posters are actually giving realistic advice.

Stbx has a responsibility to his child and himself. Op is so far only offering 40 quid a month towards her responsibility for her child and herself. This is unrealistic. That's the bottom line. Even if she does get a chunk of the equity, by the sounds of it she's going to need to find a way to run her new home, as she is already used to receiving £1500 a month 'pocket money' rather than that being her sole income to run a home.

@lollypop29, you can have a court ordered agreement that specifies how long payments above CMS is, it generally says...both agree agree not to seek CMS for a period of x years.

Of course should his income reduce then the option to seek a review is always there.

You could seek an agreement that should CMS apply he will always be responsible for 50% of childcare and responsible for school costs such as uniform, trips.

Chat to your solicitor a well worded Court agreement will be your safeguard. Problem is you have to try to project what costs are likely to be..childcare, school costs are the known costs.

@oviraptor21

I think PP is misunderstanding. My point is that OP's child should not be living in rental for the rest of their childhood when their father has the amount he does in assets ans income.

Why would the child be living in rental if the father is paying £1500 per month and op has anywhere between £300k and £330k?

What if op decided to rent anyway. Even with a big lump sum AND £1500 pm CMS and her own lump sum?

Would you say she isn't providing, because she decided renting was better for now?

Who much do you think you should be entitled to op? 25% of the property? Would you be ok with giving him 25% of your inheritance?

I completely get he needs to provide for his child and I agree that he should pay child maint. But the point of cm is to enable you to put a roof over your child's head, put food on the table etc. it doesn't have to be a near million pound roof...

£300'000 is more than enough to buy a house, it might involve moving to a cheaper area, but needs must and all that.

Another thing to think about is if you'll be able to get UC after receiving your inheritance