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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Divorce settlement?

144 replies

lollypop29 · 25/10/2021 11:17

Hi everyone

Am I entitled to a divorce settlement from my husband if he has owned his property for 10 years before we got married?

We have only been married for 2.5 years but I have left due to abuse. We have a 1 year old together who will be living with me.

Thanks

OP posts:
HouseOfFire · 25/10/2021 22:16

Solicitor also said court won't see it as a clean break as we've got a child together they'll look at how to house the child and how to make it so both parties live the same standard of lifestyle as before.

The courts will want our lives back to the way they were before..,well mine never will be. I now have a child and won't be able to have my career where I have moved to and I now live in a rural area.

&On another thread OP is claiming to be receiving £1500 cm plus claiming UC, has £30k deposit already as well as the £300k inheritance.^

Original poster
lollypop29 · 25/10/2021 22:17

@Incognito4

I would get a better solicitor if I were you, you also need a fierce barrister. Legal aid isn't going to get you that. You'll get bottom of the barrel.
I did fear that, but I can't afford it until I have my inheritance. Like I said I'm on UC and currently just have my little business so don't have the means to pay 25k or whatever it may be for legal fees ...I may be better off waiting for my inheritance, seeing how much it is and then going from there
OP posts:
Incognito4 · 25/10/2021 22:19

I would advise you to get a very, very good barrister at the very least. That's what you'll need to spend money on.

Original poster
lollypop29 · 25/10/2021 22:20

@HouseOfFire

Solicitor also said court won't see it as a clean break as we've got a child together they'll look at how to house the child and how to make it so both parties live the same standard of lifestyle as before.

The courts will want our lives back to the way they were before..,well mine never will be. I now have a child and won't be able to have my career where I have moved to and I now live in a rural area.

&On another thread OP is claiming to be receiving £1500 cm plus claiming UC, has £30k deposit already as well as the £300k inheritance.^

What's wrong with my child maintenance?! Why is that such an issue for you? I receive that at the moment but it isn't a court ordered maintenance. It needs to be official for it to count towards a mortgage.

I put on the affordability checker the 30k deposit as that's what I'm expecting to receive towards the house from my ex. Why is that so hard for you to make sense of.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 25/10/2021 22:21

Are you already getting £1500 a month in child support or is that what you’re hoping for?

If you getting it and living at your mum’s you can hopefully save quite a lot of it.

Couldhavebeenme3 · 25/10/2021 22:22

You'll need your 'little business' to be turning over more than 500 quid a year to count towards a mortgage op...

Original poster
lollypop29 · 25/10/2021 22:22

@AnneLovesGilbert

Are you already getting £1500 a month in child support or is that what you’re hoping for?

If you getting it and living at your mum’s you can hopefully save quite a lot of it.

My husband used to give that to me monthly as an 'allowance' which I'm sure you'll all have something to say about!!! And wouldn't let me access any other finances...so we've agreed for now to carry that on and we've agreed to make it official via the court.
OP posts:
Original poster
lollypop29 · 25/10/2021 22:23

@Couldhavebeenme3

You'll need your 'little business' to be turning over more than 500 quid a year to count towards a mortgage op...
It's just a little business in the interim!! I will be going back to my actual career when I can!
OP posts:
Incognito4 · 25/10/2021 22:29

You're not helping yourself op.

flowery · 25/10/2021 22:30

”I will be going back to my actual career when I can!”

What’s stopping you now?

AnneLovesGilbert · 25/10/2021 22:39

That’s not a bad amount. Hopefully you’re saved a lot of it and can continue to do so while living with your mum.

EttasEden · 25/10/2021 22:49

Wow you posters are actually vile. OP I couldn't read and run, I'm sorry to hear about you losing your father and being physically and verbally abused. You must be really frightened and emotionally distraught right now. Your future is looking rather unclear and I get that you have gone in to survival mode and the uncertainty of divorce and the outcomes has you here asking questions. You can't help who you fall in love with and if they are financially stable and have told you to give up work to raise a family you aren't in the wrong for being a homemaker. These posters on here have a lot of the green eyed monster and as soon as you said you were the young wife married to a wealthy man they painted you out to be a gold digger. I don't have any suggestions for what you should do I'm afraid, but I really hope you have some luck coming your way.

Original poster
lollypop29 · 25/10/2021 22:52

@EttasEden

Wow you posters are actually vile. OP I couldn't read and run, I'm sorry to hear about you losing your father and being physically and verbally abused. You must be really frightened and emotionally distraught right now. Your future is looking rather unclear and I get that you have gone in to survival mode and the uncertainty of divorce and the outcomes has you here asking questions. You can't help who you fall in love with and if they are financially stable and have told you to give up work to raise a family you aren't in the wrong for being a homemaker. These posters on here have a lot of the green eyed monster and as soon as you said you were the young wife married to a wealthy man they painted you out to be a gold digger. I don't have any suggestions for what you should do I'm afraid, but I really hope you have some luck coming your way.
Thankyou so much.

I didn't marry my husband for his money. I married my husband because I loved him. How was I to know he would turn out to be abusive and also do something awful to our child (which again I am not going to say on here) no one marries to divorce 2 years later.

Posts like this are what have kept me in an abusive marriage for far too long.

OP posts:
Original poster
lollypop29 · 25/10/2021 22:56

@EttasEden and when I first met my husband I was doing well for myself. No I didn't have my own property but I was renting and I had a decent income and a career. I gave that up to have a family.

I have now had to move away from the city to be around my support network, this in turn means my career will be incredibly difficult to get going again as I'm now not in a city, but I will find a way to make it work.

It's hard to write about your life online and ask for advice as I try to keep it fairly vague in order to protect my identity and not reveal personal details, and in doing so things get taken the wrong way etc.

OP posts:
bg21 · 25/10/2021 23:07

you keep saying he's abusive and using that as the reason to divorce ect which is totally justified but I cant understand why you'd want this abusive man's money so badly? he needs to pay for his child but not you

Owwasme · 25/10/2021 23:08

Those of you posting about how little you receive from the feckless fathers of your children - what has that got to do with anything? That is no place to set the bar. As I've already said, this is not a race to the bottom.

Original poster
lollypop29 · 25/10/2021 23:09

@bg21

you keep saying he's abusive and using that as the reason to divorce ect which is totally justified but I cant understand why you'd want this abusive man's money so badly? he needs to pay for his child but not you
Where have I said I want anything for me? I've said I want a contribution towards the cost of a house to house OUR child. Which I will already be paying the majority of with my inheritance. I haven't once said I want money for me.
OP posts:
ThelmaMadine · 25/10/2021 23:16

I’m sorry if I’ve missed this (it’s late, I’m tired so attention to detail isn’t great right now) but if you’re already getting CM from him, you can use that money for childcare while you find a job? That will allow you to rent until your inheritance comes through. At that stage, you’ll have a hefty deposit, and sufficient tenure to support a mortgage application.

You were 100% right to leave an unhappy marriage but you seem to want to have a house outright without contributing yourself through working. That’s unrealistic so best to look at what is achievable.

You’ve said in another post that you’re in your early 20s so there’s nothing to stop you getting a 25-30 year mortgage to spread the cost.

Pebbledashery · 25/10/2021 23:47

But you've made several references to the court affording you the lifestyle you had before, doesn't that insinuate you want a partial contribution towards your upkeep of lifestyle also? No shame in admitting it.
You state that you've been abused by him, surely you'd want a complete clean break from such a horrendous man, why would you even contemplate dragging this through court?
I've been in the family court for over a year now, completely seperate to you so I can't generalise, but I can categorically say the Court does favour a clean break, they aren't interesting in prolonging the vestiges of an abusive and toxic relationship.
I would honestly just keep saving your cms and not pin your hopes on trying to get a stake in his house. I say that as a person who fled domestic abuse last year, forget about this allegedly awful man and start your new life just you and your daughter.

oviraptor21 · 26/10/2021 00:17

I don't think it's unreasonable for there to be an expectation that a person earning £200K per year and who already has equity of £500K+ in one home plus a second home, should pay to house their child. If OP has to rent and doesn't manage to get a job then it is the taxpayer who will be footing the housing bill. Now that is far more wrong than OP benefiting from the ex providing a home for the DC.

asteroommatus · 26/10/2021 05:32

The ex will be paying towards housing his child.

Op may get a small amount of assets plus £1-1.5k per month CMS. That's his contribution to housing the child.

Ops inheritance is likely to come through before the divorce is even finalised. They don't happen over night. But I doubt she is going to get enough, in a lump sum to make it worth spending large amounts of her inheritance pursuing it.

Its about balancing it. Op can get a shit hot lawyer but risks spending more than she gets back. Risks, not definitely. If I was her I would be just negotiating a lump sum that he will agree to. Even if it's less that she feels she could get.

I wouldn't trust someone who claims a clean break won't be the prefered option because of the young child. Clean breaks are prefered even with young children. For a short marriage, it is more likely to be.

And honestly, with the DV I would be pushing for a clean break myself. Op needs as few links as possible to him. There's the child, but I would prefer a clean break myself.

Original poster
lollypop29 · 26/10/2021 06:33

@asteroommatus

The ex will be paying towards housing his child.

Op may get a small amount of assets plus £1-1.5k per month CMS. That's his contribution to housing the child.

Ops inheritance is likely to come through before the divorce is even finalised. They don't happen over night. But I doubt she is going to get enough, in a lump sum to make it worth spending large amounts of her inheritance pursuing it.

Its about balancing it. Op can get a shit hot lawyer but risks spending more than she gets back. Risks, not definitely. If I was her I would be just negotiating a lump sum that he will agree to. Even if it's less that she feels she could get.

I wouldn't trust someone who claims a clean break won't be the prefered option because of the young child. Clean breaks are prefered even with young children. For a short marriage, it is more likely to be.

And honestly, with the DV I would be pushing for a clean break myself. Op needs as few links as possible to him. There's the child, but I would prefer a clean break myself.

You're right.

I'm going to try and negotiate something with my husband, a small settlement fee to help us onto the property ladder & I'll pay the rest of the house with my inheritance and then CM.

OP posts:
asteroommatus · 26/10/2021 06:53

If you do that op you need to be in work ASAP.

UC and a £40 per month business isn't going to get you a mortgage. Neither is CMS.

Even if your business was doing 4k a month self employed people need to prove a history of it. You don't have one. When employed they want to know you are have been there a while and permanent.

This could take a while. Start ASAP. Divorce isn't quick and you need as much stability as possible.

MoonahStone · 26/10/2021 07:19

A quick question OP is your husband employed or runs his own business? I ask as I've seen far too many posts on here when the ex gets CMS reduced by downplaying their income when self employed.

littlestmunchkin · 26/10/2021 07:35

You don't need a barrister. You need a solicitor who can speak for you in court . Barristers cost ££ and a solicitor can do a good job , the hearings are relaxed

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