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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

50/50 split - he pays nothing?

83 replies

Stitchandapples · 26/04/2021 18:53

As I understand the above is true.
However I have worked part time / been a sahm whilst he has built his career and travelled all over the world. His involvement with the children has been very low, he’s golfed at weekends rather than spending time with them.
His income - pre tax - is around £150k, sometimes more.
My income - 30 hours a week job - is £16k a year.

I understand I’ve got to support myself etc but my earning potential is nothing like his. I had a career pre dc which I gave up. I understand this is my own fault but the standards in living are going to be massively at odds. I’m not quite sure how I’m going to manage. I’m not going to be able to afford to buy anything for the children or take them anywhere or do anything with them.

Is the above true?

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 26/04/2021 18:55

are you married?

And will he actually do 50/50 and have you agreed it?

Lazypuppy · 26/04/2021 18:57

If you weren't married then in eyes of the law you were just room mates so your decision to reduce your earning has no impact on him to have to pay anything., or on your standard of living.

minniemomo · 26/04/2021 18:58

If you are married you can petition for spousal maintenance, at that income it is likely to be granted unless assets are sufficient to give you a split that allows you to be comfortable

osbertthesyrianhamster · 26/04/2021 19:03

Are you married?

Quartz2208 · 26/04/2021 19:05

Also 50/50 is not always given - there are many different ways of how it works based on parental time - has he actually said 50/50 or are you just assuming

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/04/2021 19:05

Depends if you’re married.

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 26/04/2021 19:09

As others have said are you married? If so what are the assets like? You may get a bigger split of them to recognise the sacrifices you have made.

ivfbeenbusy · 26/04/2021 19:11

I had a career pre dc which I gave up.

but did you have a career which would have earnt you £150k per year?

How long were you a SAHM for? Less than 10 years I don't see why you should have the same standard of living? You have decades to build your career up again?

Divorce/separating shouldn't be about giving you a better standard of living that you would have earnt yourself?

I’m not going to be able to afford to buy anything for the children or take them anywhere or doing anything with them

Negotiate as part of the settlement that he pays for "extras"

Also you realise lots of families can't afford to take their children places or expensive days out?

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 26/04/2021 19:14

Do you mean that if you split the children 50/50 between you then he doesn't have to pay child maintenance? Is that what you're saying

Dixiechickonhols · 26/04/2021 19:20

Crucial question is married or not?
If you are then financial settlement can reflect your earnings sacrifice eg house split may be more in your favour 60/40, plus pension split, sometimes spousal maintenance until you are back on your feet especially if spouse high earner. Please get advice from specialist family solicitor.
Unmarried then usually his only obligation is to children via maintenance. Obviously if property in joint names you get your share of that.
Does he want the children 50/50?

BlueJag · 26/04/2021 19:21

Are you married?

Original poster
Stitchandapples · 26/04/2021 19:33

We are married.
Despite having little interest in the dc he will go for 50/50 to get at me and avoid paying anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stitchandapples · 26/04/2021 19:34

I realise that ivfbeenbusy but three of us will be living on £16k half the time vs his £150k. How can I even afford rent??

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 26/04/2021 19:35

Well he may change his mind on 50/50 when the reality hits him, and he has to sacrifice golf etc.

CombatBarbie · 26/04/2021 19:35

I've known cases where the NRP still has to pay CMS if they are high earner and has 50/50

Quartz2208 · 26/04/2021 19:40

But he actually has to do 50/50 OP and not get out of it - and it is as much about daytime care now so it isnt as quite clearcut.

I would get some legal advice asap as I assume there are assets that you have etc. Please get it and take it from there. I suspect if he never has he wont go for 50/50 and it does mean actual 50/50 care not just having them overnight

Quartz2208 · 26/04/2021 19:41

@Stitchandapples

I realise that ivfbeenbusy but three of us will be living on £16k half the time vs his £150k. How can I even afford rent??
why would you need to rent - are you really saying that long there are no assets in the marriage including a house to split?

Get legal advice OP

trickyex · 26/04/2021 19:45

Find yourself a good lawyer OP.
Has he suggested 50/50? No reason you need to agree if you have done the majority of the childcare.
Dont agree to anything for now. Get good legal representation.

17bluebirds · 26/04/2021 19:53

He might not have to pay maintenance, but all family assets will need to be split, so you should get a lump sum to find adequate housing when the family home is sold.

CelestialGalaxy · 26/04/2021 19:53

IME courts are blind to how much involvement a parent has had previously if they show that they will accommodate the children going forward. However, it depends on how he is anticipating accommodating the childrens schedules, will he be able to consistently guarentee that he will have time to support them at school and their clubs? What are his work hours? Will he be dumping them in afterschool/breakfast clubs when they could be looked after by you. Are your contracted hours around their school schedule? What would you like to see the schedule as being (standard is every other weekend and one night every week during the week). 50/50 parenting also I would imagine relies on parents being able to communicate and sort things out amongst themselves rather than one parent doing most of the donkey work for appointments/form filling/haircuts/clothes shopping/clubs etc and one argument could be that if you have to go to court, how likely is a 50/50 arrangement going to work? Also depends on childrens ages and wishes if they are old enough.

Original poster
Stitchandapples · 26/04/2021 19:54

If I’d kept my career I’d have probably been earning £40k. So nothing like what he is earning but enough to rent etc.
I’m not sure what I will get from the marriage in terms of assets. Nothing is in my name. I have no savings. No access to joint money. The house isn’t in my name either.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stitchandapples · 26/04/2021 19:55

My hours are around the dc.
I work evenings when they are in bed if needs be to facilitate them not being in wrap around care for hours.

OP posts:
cherryblossom999 · 26/04/2021 19:58

Probably not relevant as I think you will be entitled to a share of assets as you were married but if you end up renting with no savings you will be entitled to universal credit. I earn a good wage but as I am a single parent renting I am still entitled to the rent, single person and child elements and get enough to make a difference.

billybagpuss · 26/04/2021 19:59

@Stitchandapples

If I’d kept my career I’d have probably been earning £40k. So nothing like what he is earning but enough to rent etc. I’m not sure what I will get from the marriage in terms of assets. Nothing is in my name. I have no savings. No access to joint money. The house isn’t in my name either.
I don’t think that necessarily matters, can you get copies of statements for everything then find yourself a good lawyer. You may not have his earning potential, but you facilitated his ability to earn by taking up the role of sahm
HmmmmmmInteresting · 26/04/2021 20:00

I'm not a lawyer but I have been divorced. It doesn't matter if the assets aren't in your name, you still have a claim to them if you're married.

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