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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

50/50 split - he pays nothing?

83 replies

Stitchandapples · 26/04/2021 18:53

As I understand the above is true.
However I have worked part time / been a sahm whilst he has built his career and travelled all over the world. His involvement with the children has been very low, he’s golfed at weekends rather than spending time with them.
His income - pre tax - is around £150k, sometimes more.
My income - 30 hours a week job - is £16k a year.

I understand I’ve got to support myself etc but my earning potential is nothing like his. I had a career pre dc which I gave up. I understand this is my own fault but the standards in living are going to be massively at odds. I’m not quite sure how I’m going to manage. I’m not going to be able to afford to buy anything for the children or take them anywhere or do anything with them.

Is the above true?

OP posts:

Quartz2208 · 26/04/2021 20:00

@Stitchandapples

If I’d kept my career I’d have probably been earning £40k. So nothing like what he is earning but enough to rent etc. I’m not sure what I will get from the marriage in terms of assets. Nothing is in my name. I have no savings. No access to joint money. The house isn’t in my name either.

this doesnt matter - you are married so it is all joint assets and I assume you have been married awhile.

You will get a whole lot in the split minimim 50/50 asset split (and I suspect more) and there is a case for some kind of maintenance if he does go for 50/50 -- which given his love for golf and work I suspect wont be seen through]

You need to get some proper advice and start collecting paperwork and understand that by being married the assets are yours as well

Original poster

Stitchandapples · 26/04/2021 20:04

I don’t want to take everything from him or anything - he’s earned it.
I just don’t want to be worrying about buying food or clothes for the dc and then being unable to keep them because I have no money. I’d like to be able to afford the odd day out. Or if they need new shoes. Or whatever it is.

OP posts:

Quartz2208 · 26/04/2021 20:07

@Stitchandapples

I don’t want to take everything from him or anything - he’s earned it. I just don’t want to be worrying about buying food or clothes for the dc and then being unable to keep them because I have no money. I’d like to be able to afford the odd day out. Or if they need new shoes. Or whatever it is.

Because you have enable him too - your part has been huge. But I detect an undertone of emotional abuse here if you feel this and think he would go for 50/50

OP it is as much yours as it is his - and you need to ensure that your children are catered for. Any court led split would put them front and centre and split the assets to ensure that.the children have an equal lifestyle with both parents. They are your priority not making sure he doesnt lose assets he only earnt with your help

MiddlesexGirl · 26/04/2021 20:07

It doesn't matter if the house isn't in your name. It is a matrimonial asset and will be taken into account in a divorce if you have to go to court. But do make sure you register your interest in it www.gov.uk/stay-in-home-during-separation-or-divorce
This website may be useful too
www.advicenow.org.uk/divorce-and-separation . The downloadable info is free.

Summerhillsquare · 26/04/2021 20:16

You need legal advice quickly, not a talk forum. You have enabled him to further his career, don't write yourself off OP.

Persephonegoddess · 26/04/2021 20:21

You could be entitled to a minimum of 50% of the assets even if in his name, including pensions, but your solicitors will explain all of this to you. He will not actually do 50/50 as you can't do a 150k job and do 50% childcare.
Get legal advice and stop thinking you are not entitled to anything listen to a professional.

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/04/2021 20:28

Get a lawyer.

ALevelhelp · 26/04/2021 20:29

@Stitchandapples

I don’t want to take everything from him or anything - he’s earned it. I just don’t want to be worrying about buying food or clothes for the dc and then being unable to keep them because I have no money. I’d like to be able to afford the odd day out. Or if they need new shoes. Or whatever it is.

You've helped him to earn that money by supporting him

Up until last year I was in a similar position - a long term SAHM with a husband who travelled a lot and majorly climbed his work ladder. He would have struggled to have done as much as he did if we'd shared the responsibilities of the children. We agreed I'd stay at home (we both wanted it anyway).

If we'd separated there is no way I would have stood back and not made sure myself and the children were left comfortable whilst he enjoyed his wealth and career!

Please make sure you get what you're entitled to

Mrbob · 26/04/2021 20:33

@Stitchandapples

I don’t want to take everything from him or anything - he’s earned it. I just don’t want to be worrying about buying food or clothes for the dc and then being unable to keep them because I have no money. I’d like to be able to afford the odd day out. Or if they need new shoes. Or whatever it is.

Well if you want to be able to buy food for the children you will have to be a little more pro active. You are entitled to this BECAUSE you have given up career advancement and worked around the children. It’s not taking everything it’s taking a share so you can survive and keep your children in a way which is appropriate for a family income of 165k

Dddccc · 26/04/2021 20:38

You are entitled to half off all assets, dont think about he earned it crap you need to be able to support your kids so half of the value of the house is yours half of all saving also yours ect

Dixiechickonhols · 26/04/2021 20:44

Doesn’t matter assets not in your name if you are legally married op. There’s a procedure to register your matrimonial interest in house so it can’t be sold without your knowledge. You need urgent legal advice op - many solicitors will take payment at end out of your settlement.

Ideasplease322 · 26/04/2021 20:46

You need to see a solicitor tomorrow.

And start building a new life. It sounds like your children are in school. Lots of children thrive in wrap around care - you should start to build your career up again.

If you are worried about being able to feed your children in your salary - you need to increase your hours.

But you also need to claim your fair share of the family assets.

FontyMcFontface · 26/04/2021 20:48

Get a lawyer.

Run your income through the turntous benefits calculator and see what you’re entitled to from universal credit. Maintenance doesn’t count as income so even if he dies pay something it won’t be affected. You can claim benefits from the day you decide to separate, so claim straight away even if you’re still living together.

Dixiechickonhols · 26/04/2021 20:51

It doesn’t work like that op. It’s family money. If you hadn’t minded kids/been housekeeper then he either couldn’t have worked as he did or he would have paid a large chunk of income for a nursery or nanny. Does he want 50/50? That’s 50% of aftercare and holidays. If he works long hours and needs a nanny then he may realise paying maintenance and having children less is cheaper.

redastherose · 26/04/2021 20:56

@Stitchandapples

As you are married whose name is on the house deeds, savings accounts, investments, etc is immaterial everything goes into the pot to be shared out on divorce. This includes any nice pension pot he has accumulated from his high paying job.

Whilst your H was earning lots of money I'm guessing he was only able to do that because you facilitated his career by taking on the majority of the childcare, housework and life admin allowing him to concentrate on his career.

He may say he wants to share custody in a 50/50 split but if he won't give up half his time to looking after his children, doing the school run morning and night on his days, taking off days when the children are sick, having them every other weekend and having to forgo his golf etc then it's unlikely that he will actually be willing to take on 50%. This is a common threat used by manipulative partners who want to dictate the terms of a separation.

A split of assets on a 50/50 basis is just the starting point in a divorce. If there is considerable disparity in future earning potential then more of the assets could be allocated to you on divorce to help achieve a clean break.

The most important thing you need to do is to consult a good divorce solicitor to find out what you're likely to be entitled to on separation including maintenance for the DC's.

Take copies of all the financial information you can, copies of bank statements, any investments, details of your property etc and also make sure you have your marriage certificate, passports for you and the DC's, all
Birth certificates etc. Make an appointment to see a good solicitor.

Jellybabiesforbreakfast · 26/04/2021 20:57

Your role as a SAHP supporting the family will be taken into account in the split of assets.

I'm not sure it's necessarily true either that you won't get any child maintenance. I thought maintenance for high earners was done through the courts not the CSA and they had more discretion so may order the high earner to pay substantially more of the children's expenses even if it is a 50/50 split.

Really, you need to consult a lawyer. Do you have access to funds to do that?

Pumpkinpie1 · 26/04/2021 21:01

It sounds as if you are suffering from low self esteem resulting from financial and emotional abuse. Why don’t you feel you and your children should face financial difficulties and your husband doesn’t ?

Original poster

Stitchandapples · 26/04/2021 21:43

He’d probably sooner go for 50/50 and pay for childcare than let me have them.
Lots of children thrive in wraparound but my dc2 is reception. She does two days in wraparound now and is shattered those days. it would be hard to split up with DH, put her in wraparound five days and then he have her for 50% of the time. Basically I will never see her.

OP posts:

MiddlesexGirl · 26/04/2021 21:59

How much of their care has DP given up till now?
Will you be able to give more care (without outsourcing) than DP could?

Sprite999 · 26/04/2021 22:01

As far as I understand it, courts tend to favour the status quo. I cannot imagine a judge would agree the children would be better off changing their pattern so much (unnecessarily) and having 50% of time with a parent who hasn't taken on much of the care previously. On top of a separation and house move. Nobody would agree that was in the children's best interests.

In your situation, I'd worry less about the CM though and go for half the assets. The house, savings etc are not "his", they are by default 50/50 as you are married (the only situation this wouldn't be the case would be in a very short marriage).

You really need to get advice from a solicitor on all of this as they will know the full position which I think is much better than you think!

HollowTalk · 26/04/2021 22:04

OP, you need a bloody good lawyer.

Anything earned within the marriage should be split. It's a legal partnership. Do you really think that if your roles were switched and your husband had worked part time or had been a SAHD so that you could go to work and earn a lot of money that he'd roll over and die over this?

And I would fight the 50:50, too. He's shown that he doesn't voluntarily spend time with the children.

Original poster

Stitchandapples · 26/04/2021 22:07

He’s never taken them anywhere on his own.
He’s never had them overnight on his own. I am not able to stop the night away without them.
He’s done bedtime once with dc2 since she was born and she’s now 5.
He never did a night feed or changed a nappy.
He’s never cooked a meal for them or got them dressed or done bathtime.
He will still want 50/50.

My hours allow more flexibility and I basically work around the dc as much as possible even if that means working into the evening etc.

OP posts:

Theunamedcat · 26/04/2021 22:09

Get legal advice get assets they are yours by law if he is going to do 50/50 make sure he pays for the childcare on his days and its set in the court order what days he is responsible for do not pick up feed and drop off on his day you will be working

When you know what days your free to pick up work pick up extra work he is having them overnight pick up overnight shifts somewhere shelf stacking etc some companies will allow you to condense hours my sisters workplace allowed 30 hours over three days/nights there are still work from home positions to be had its tough but doable especially if you have half the marital assets as a back up

He will either fail at parenting and hand them off to you and pay child support or he will succeed you and your children will be fine either way

Quartz2208 · 26/04/2021 22:17

Why would she be in wraparound 5 days? And I don’t think childcare counts towards shared care

I think you are catastrophising and you need proper legal advice. I would be surprised if a court would go for 50/50 when so much childcare is used and if he did that he would potentially still have to pay

Don’t give him more power than he has, this isn’t the picture of a man who would want 50/50 at all and his version of 50/50 may well still means he pays maintenance (or the childcare)

Get proper legal advice because I suspect you could end up with a whole lot more assets (which you deserve) a whole lot more time with your children (because a split of care puts them front and centre and him getting 50/50 wouldn’t achieve that) and maintenance

Put them first OP and get the advice and what you children need

Miasicarisatia · 26/04/2021 22:22

@Stitchandapples

He’s never taken them anywhere on his own. He’s never had them overnight on his own. I am not able to stop the night away without them. He’s done bedtime once with dc2 since she was born and she’s now 5. He never did a night feed or changed a nappy. He’s never cooked a meal for them or got them dressed or done bathtime. He will still want 50/50.

My hours allow more flexibility and I basically work around the dc as much as possible even if that means working into the evening etc.

It's as if he doesn't consider them to be his children

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