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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

50/50 split - he pays nothing?

83 replies

Stitchandapples · 26/04/2021 18:53

As I understand the above is true.
However I have worked part time / been a sahm whilst he has built his career and travelled all over the world. His involvement with the children has been very low, he’s golfed at weekends rather than spending time with them.
His income - pre tax - is around £150k, sometimes more.
My income - 30 hours a week job - is £16k a year.

I understand I’ve got to support myself etc but my earning potential is nothing like his. I had a career pre dc which I gave up. I understand this is my own fault but the standards in living are going to be massively at odds. I’m not quite sure how I’m going to manage. I’m not going to be able to afford to buy anything for the children or take them anywhere or do anything with them.

Is the above true?

OP posts:
MadeForThis · 26/04/2021 22:27

Just because he threatens 50/50 it doesn't mean he will get it. It's not normal for the kids so it might not be granted.

Get a good lawyer.

SomebodyThatIUsedToKnow3 · 26/04/2021 22:31

@Stitchandapples

If I’d kept my career I’d have probably been earning £40k. So nothing like what he is earning but enough to rent etc. I’m not sure what I will get from the marriage in terms of assets. Nothing is in my name. I have no savings. No access to joint money. The house isn’t in my name either.
Post in legal, I'm not sure of the English term but you need to register your claim against the marital house and any other property so it can't be sold. Savings can't really do anything about if he decides to move them into off-shore accounts. Can hire a forensic accountant to find where his money is, but costly. Any physical properties, marital home and any others he owns you register your claim against so he can't sell them out from under you. Then you go for the highest percentage of those assets you can and spousal maintenance and push for child support as he's a high earner. If you haven't done it before priority right now would be finding as much documentation of any assets and savings and take a photo/copy and email them to someone you trust or give the documents a friend you trust.
MiddlesexGirl · 26/04/2021 22:36

^^ Posted this upthread www.gov.uk/stay-in-home-during-separation-or-divorce

denverRegina · 26/04/2021 22:38

"I don’t want to take everything from him or anything - he’s earned it."

Don't be stupid. This is really not the time. Be smart, get what you can to start your life again and have a comfortable home for your children.

He's earned it because you changed all the nappies etc. Joint effort, joint reward.

You can work when your children are with him as your work is flexible. Ask for full time!

Summerhillsquare · 26/04/2021 22:40

Have you actually left him, or he you? Or are you together in the marital home?

Original poster
Stitchandapples · 26/04/2021 22:47

I’ve not told him that I want to split yet.
I won’t be able to stay in the house.

OP posts:
blackcurrantjam · 26/04/2021 22:54

Good idea to stay in the house. You and your children who you look after most/all of the time have priority housing needs.
Register interest in property.
Speak to a lawyer.
This process is actually reeaaally slow Confused
You might be entitled to UC when you separate or increase your hours.
Consider letting DH have children so you can work. Maximize time with them when you're with them. But if he steps up, that's not necessarily a bad thing.
Go for enough equity to house you and children even if more than 50%
Flowers

Lorw · 26/04/2021 22:56

OP. Get a good solicitor, they will be able to sort that all out and you won’t leave the marriage with nothing, a good solicitor is worth their weight in gold.

Original poster
Stitchandapples · 26/04/2021 22:57

We won’t be able to stay - once I tell DH I want to split we will have to go.

OP posts:
Seafog · 26/04/2021 23:03

Get a lawyer

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 26/04/2021 23:10

You sound defeated already and maybe you have good reason to be like that. Please take the advice you've been given on here and see a lawyer. I've no personal experience but I believe it wouldn't be a good idea to let your husband know of your plans until you have everything in place. As other posters have pointed out you might be better asking for more advice on the legal forum. Good luck and don't panic

timeisnotaline · 26/04/2021 23:11

I don’t want to take everything from him or anything - he’s earned it.
I just don’t want to be worrying about buying food or clothes for the dc and then being unable to keep them because I have no money. I’d like to be able to afford the odd day out. Or if they need new shoes. Or whatever it is.
They are his children too. He has had babies with you, he has a responsibilty to his children, he has trusted you to look after them every minute of the day since they were born, he hasn’t paid you to do that and you have made sacrifices. He would have paid many hundreds of thousands for all the work you have done, courts recognise that. It’s yours, it’s earned, and it’s your childrens right too. Don’t short change them.
I’m so glad to see you are leaving! And relieved you are married. You need to walk out of this with half the house and half the pensions and investments and hopefully that’s enough to buy somewhere small, you don’t have to pay childcare since you work around them for now, the pension share is something to know you will be able to eat when you retire, on 16k with dc you can sign up for UC I’d think. Is child benefit in your name? If not do that now.

thenewduchessofhastings · 26/04/2021 23:15

You should fight the 50/50 joint custody thing even if it means going to court.

A judge would look at what's in the children's best interest;50% of their time spent with their dad isn't it as it's very likely they'll spend most of that time in the care of a third party whereas spending the majority of their time with the person with their primary carer who'll be actually be there for them.

Do you not think a judge will see straight through a man who earns 150K and has always shown very little interest in his children.

You need to stand up for yourself and the interest of your DC;tbh I think EOW would be a more suitable arrangement.

He's basically trying to screw you over.A court will look more favourably on the primary carer who's sacrificed their career and earning potential to rise the children.

You need a shit hot solicitor who'll get the best for your children here.

Also according to the CMS calendar on having kids on average 1-2 nights per week your maintenance payment from him would be £1400 per month meaning you're kids would only be getting less than 12% of their dads annual salary for their upkeep anyway.

thenewduchessofhastings · 26/04/2021 23:17

@Stitchandapples

Can you share with us why you'll have to go once you say you want to split?

timeisnotaline · 27/04/2021 01:23

Stitchandapples is an abusive relationship and has been for a long time.

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/04/2021 02:15

You need legal advice. Very urgently.

And it's very difficult but you need to use your head. Stop listening to your fears and his voice in your head. Cold, hard facts.

youshallnotpass9 · 27/04/2021 02:49

Agree with everything above, you need a lawyer, not a forum.

There is a lot of if and buts, but basically you would be entitled to something, it is not just his money, its family money, which you are entitled to something.

You need to talk to someone legally trained in this area . Get a lawyer

tortoiselover100 · 27/04/2021 06:34

Yes if it's 50/50 you get nothing. Make sure you have the kids more.

Woeismethischristmas · 27/04/2021 06:43

@Stitchandapples

I don’t want to take everything from him or anything - he’s earned it. I just don’t want to be worrying about buying food or clothes for the dc and then being unable to keep them because I have no money. I’d like to be able to afford the odd day out. Or if they need new shoes. Or whatever it is.
Don’t take this attitude this is your one chance to secure a decent life for you and your dc. He’s not going to help you out later on. Get a good solicitor and ensure your settlement is fair.
MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 27/04/2021 06:44

Why do you say you would have to leave your home?

He has a legal obligation to his children, he cannot simply kick you all out into the street.

This is why you need legal advice.

If I were you I would start making notes/copies of relevant financial documents, salaries, mortgage balance, savings accounts etc regardless of who's name they are in. Then your solicitor will have a better picture of the overall family finances and be able to better advise you.

Get legal advice ASAP!

Jellybabiesforbreakfast · 27/04/2021 06:58

Based on what you've said, there's no way you should agree to 50/50 - it doesn't sound like it would be in the children's interests at all.

sophmum31 · 27/04/2021 07:02

@Stitchandapples

I don’t want to take everything from him or anything - he’s earned it. I just don’t want to be worrying about buying food or clothes for the dc and then being unable to keep them because I have no money. I’d like to be able to afford the odd day out. Or if they need new shoes. Or whatever it is.
You aren't taking everything from him - you are securing your children's future using the family money....which is half yours! Do not sell yourself and your children short
sophmum31 · 27/04/2021 07:15

@Stitchandapples

We won’t be able to stay - once I tell DH I want to split we will have to go.
Oh wow. Under no circumstances leave the marital home! You must stay. You really need to speak with a solicitor.

I'm in exactly the same position as you. Everything is in my STBX name including the home. We are going through the divorce and I was told under no circumstances to leave, no matter how bad it gets! It sounds like a similar controlling situation and you need to fight x

Whythesadface · 27/04/2021 07:17

You own half of everything, fight for your rightful share, this is for your children.
There will be lots of assets you don't know off, and he will have a pension.
Plus his work means 50/50 is doubtful.
You know he won't play nice, so don't worry about being nice.
Also he will have to pay fees, even if just his own.

Original poster
Stitchandapples · 27/04/2021 07:27

I don’t want him to have the children 50/50 but I have to accept he could and if he then pays for care that’s on his time - it doesn’t matter if I could be around for them, it’s his time so it’s up to him.

It wouldn’t be safe, I think, for us to stay here. We would have to leave the house, which gives me an added bonus of trying to sort something out somehow first.

OP posts:
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