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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

My husband secretly filmed me

125 replies

Mae3 · 25/03/2020 07:57

Hi,

Just after a bit of advice. I've been with my husband 7 years. We both have a dd from previous relationships and also a dd together. Our blended family works really well.

I know our sex life isn't the best because he wants it more than I do. We do have good sex but most the time I'm just letting him have it even though I don't feel like it. He has asked to film us lots of times but every time I've said a clear No.

Few months ago he bought a spie cam. I took the delivery which he then quickly took from me. Then because I'm logged in to his amazon account (he has prime that I use) I got a delivered notification so saw what it was. He was quite angry and confused as to how I knew what it was as he'd tried deleteing it and stopping me from finding out. He also tried lying and saying it was a dash cam but what he had ordered could not be used as a dash cam!

He apologised and all was forgiven.

Fast forward a few months and he buys a sporty watch. Says he needs it for work. After a few days he wears it in the bath (we often bath together) I thought it was odd and questioned it but he just said it was water proof. Then while having sex I noticed it placed in front of our lamp facing us, so I asked if it had a camera in it. He said no. He looked at it and said I can see why you would think that but it hasn't. At this point I don't trust him. I asked him to show me the watch he bought online. He said he bought it from another amazon account so I can't see everything he buys. Which doesn't make sense because he bought my mother's day presents on the one I can see! Anyway I found the watch and it did have a camera. He'd filmed us 😔 He just said yea it does and walked downstairs. He watched the footage and then came back upstairs and said sorry and that he'd deleted it all. I literally haven't spoken to him since.

I don't know what to do. Do I break up our family and leave him because he has completely disrespected me. I'm just at home looking after our little girl and my teenage daughter while we're on lock down. My girls are amazing they're so good. They've not picked up that we're not talking. He's at work most the time thankfully.

Thanks in advance for any advice. Please be kind.

OP posts:

Qgardens · 02/04/2020 12:28

The forward planning makes it even worse. What else has he done that you don't know about?

Original poster

Mae3 · 02/04/2020 22:16

Well since writing this post I've found out he has posted pics of me on reddit. Absolutely devastated. He has shared pictures of me with dirty men. I'm so shocked, violated, disgusted and mortified to say the least 😔 I knew he had an account and had posted pics of his car so did some snoopy online and hated what I found 😔😤😭 I just can't believe what he's done.

OP posts:

CheddarGorgeous · 02/04/2020 22:23

Oh god OP I'm so sorry. What an utter bastard. Can you bear to screen shot the evidence and call the police?

Dyrne · 02/04/2020 22:31

I would report him to the police, OP. Take screenshots of everything as evidence.

If you complain to Reddit they will delete the photos - make sure you complain to Reddit itself as well as reporting to the moderators of the area.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

Original poster

Mae3 · 02/04/2020 23:06

I just want him out the house but with this whole lockdown going on he has nowhere to go! I was so upset when I found the pics I just showed him and told him to delete them. He said he had no Idea the risk of our relationship if I found out! I just can't get my head round that!! How can he think I would be able to forgive and forget what he has done! He said it's broke him seeing me so upset. I really don't think he understands how serious what he has done is. He said he wouldn't say its as bad as cheating! I told him I wish he had cheated rather than done that.

OP posts:

JKScot4 · 02/04/2020 23:08

I wouldn’t care where he went he’d be out on his arse.

Ineedaholidaysomewheresunny · 02/04/2020 23:15

Phone the police

RandomMess · 02/04/2020 23:17

It's illegal for a reason
It's just gross, so so so sorry

I0NA · 02/04/2020 23:19

He will have to find somewhere else to go. You can’t have a sex offender living there with you and three girls.

There must be friends or family he can stay with. It’s his problem anyway .

Have you called the police yet? They will advise.

Susanna85 · 02/04/2020 23:20

You need to REPORT THIS TO THE POLICE.
What he has done is a criminal offence. As a mother you have a duty to protect your children. You are not doing that if you allow him to walk away, his behaviour unrecorded. He is sick and you don't know what he is capable of. I'm sorry for you but you have to wise up and go to the police.

LuluJakey1 · 02/04/2020 23:21

Why do you care where he finds to go if you throw him out? He can go to his parents, a sibling, friends, rent a flat, stay in a hotel, sleep in his car. It isn't your problem.
Call the police.

Mulanlin · 02/04/2020 23:23

I wouldn’t phone the police, I understand it’s so easy for us to say that when we don’t know your family.
But you definitely absolutely need to get rid of him. That’s awful behaviour, disgusting

letsjog · 02/04/2020 23:27

Please call the police.
Do not let him get away with this not on his record. They might be able to help you with getting him out of the house.

You are not helpless. Sending you lots of strenght.

MissSunnyDays · 02/04/2020 23:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Mulanlin · 02/04/2020 23:31

OMG I take that back, I didn’t see the update that he posted you online!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! RING THE POLICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

notapizzaeater · 02/04/2020 23:35

I'd ring the police now, how would you feel if someone you know see these pictures - it's abuse !

Suebnm · 02/04/2020 23:46

If your excuse for keeping him in this house is that he has nowhere to go you are putting him above your daughters. Do you have somewhere they could go to be safe from him?

SRS29 · 02/04/2020 23:47

Ring the police, if not for you then more importantly for your girls... NOW xxx

Wewearpinkonwednesdays · 02/04/2020 23:53

Bloody hell op, report him straight away, and tell your dsds mother. She needs to know what her dd has for a father.

thefourgp · 02/04/2020 23:57

It makes me so sad that you’re tolerating this. He pressured you to have sex on a regular basis when you didn’t want to, he pressured you to have sex on video when you didn’t want to, he bought a secret camera and was angry rather than ashamed when you found out, he bought a camera watch and videoed you having sex, he’s posted photos of you online for other pervs to wank over. These are only the things you know about.

You still listen to his excuses and continue to let him live with your daughters. HE IS A SEXUAL PREDATOR. You and your children are at risk. If he didn’t think this was acceptable behaviour he would not be doing it.

What are you waiting for? Do you think he’s going to admit he’s wrong, change his sexual preferences and start treating you with respect? That’s never going to happen. Please call the police and get him immediately removed from your home.

Trichford · 02/04/2020 23:57

Wow you really need to report this!

LuluBellaBlue · 03/04/2020 00:00

Honestly, in this situation I would call the police. Now. This evening.

You’ve just found out you don’t know this man you’re living with.
You have no idea who he truly is.
He has kept his true identity, his real personality hidden from you.
To be so callous and insinuate that you’re over reacting by saying he didn’t think it would have this kind of effect.
He’s very subtly playing you and will gradually (but subtly), after giving you comfort, make it so he’s the victim.
Just read your posts has made me skin crawl. I’m furious for you. And sending you lots of support

Stressedout10 · 03/04/2020 00:04

Please please contact the police.
These are serious sexual crimes.
He will be removed from the house and prevented from returning.
Do this for both yourself and your dds

TheTeenageYears · 03/04/2020 00:06

You need to keep evidence of all this. When this ends up in court in one way, shape or form you will need proof. You do not know this man snd cannot trust him around any of the children. What is your relationship like with his ex? You need to find out if he has done this before.

oncemorewithfeeling99 · 03/04/2020 00:08

As others said, he has competed a serious crime. Please kick him out straight away and report to the police. He is utterly dangerous and insidious.

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