Husband says I don't deserve half?

[boymum9]

We've been separated a year ish and have decided to start divorce proceedings. We had a pretty up and down first few months of being separated (can look back through my previous threads if of interest) but things have settled considerably.

We're on the same page with everything aside from how the money from our house will be divided. I assumed it would be 50/50 because it's in joint names, but he says I "don't deserve" half.

This is coming from these facts:

1. Stay at home mum to 2 children, 2 and 4.
2. For the bulk of our relationship we moved most years around the country for his work and I followed and therefore never settled into a career to be able to contribute financially.

I have my first appointment with a lawyer on Tuesday and we're hoping to go down the "collaborative law" route to make things quicker and easier and less fighting over things as we get on fairly well. I will obviously find out where I stand when I go to the lawyers but will I be naive going in assuming that assets will be split 50/50 even if I didn't contribute financially? If I am being naive that's something I can accept and will happily work to what's appropriate!

Anyone have any advice?!

Mine went 50:50 (in both finances and child custody), despite a huge difference in earning potential and the fact I was always the main carer. Boys were just 3 and 6 at the time and ex was/is an abusive controller.

He's still earning in excess of £105k pa, has four cars on the drive, still lives in the five-bed, four-bathroom former marital home and supports a 26 yo unemployed gf.

Meanwhile, I'm still in privately rented five years on, earn £13k working ft, and still using hanging racks as wardrobes!!!

No maintenance or anything paid by ex and settlement was a joke as unfortunately an ex that's also a Financial Director is very good at lying about figures.

The courts don't always get it right IMO.

On the plus side, we may be ridiculously skint but I'm not with the idiot any more and free to live my life without constant fear so it's not all bad!

Thank you @RainMinusBow @mathanxiety appreciate your replies, I'll take a look at that site.

Sorry you're in that situation Rain.

@Ss770640 thank you, no where did I say I wished to "take" or that I deserved half of everything ever, I was merely asking for what people knew of similar situations prior to seeing my lawyer, which I have done now and have learnt that I could actually "fight" for a lot more than 50/50 given our situation, but I made it clear I don't wish to "take" anything that wasn't entirely fair, or anything that wasn't acquired through us as a couple (family money given to help us process in buying properties)

OP, you can be "fair" and lovely later - right now you have only one single chance for a financial settlement. It can never be redone. If he's already being difficult, think about what he'll be like when the financial matter is closed forever.

Family money, inheritance, his earnings, your earnings. Don't worry about it. It all goes in the pot for division. I would strongly urge you to put your female socialised scruples and misplaced guilt to one side and secure yourself as much capital as you can legally obtain from the marriage.

You need to understand that, on his current form, he will likely in short order turn around and manipulate down the child support and refuse to provide any additional funds for housing or children. He will continue to earn well and progress in his career and you will be starting from scratch...likely paying the bulk of child related expenses as he will entitledly feel this is your responsibility anyway.

Get the best settlement legally possible OP. This is it. No do overs.

He may be in for a surprise. I m just about to get my decree absolute I’m getting 65% he’s getting 35%. My contribution to the family of raising children and like you constantly moving for his job has impacted in my career and earning potential. This has been recognised by the court.

His earnings while you were together with children were acquired by you as a couple op. You ensured he didn’t have to take times off when children was sick, he didn’t have to bookend his day around parenting needs, he didn’t have to pay childcare, he didn’t have to do the core running of the house or the parenting or the planning. Your fair share of what you have facilitated is fair.
You have sacrificed more than he has financially in the relationship by taking the parenting role; courts recognise this loss in future earnings as you haven’t built the career yourself. This is fair. Go for it. Stop discussing it with him while you do, he’s not your friend.

Out of interest @boymum9 , did the solicitor give an indication of what percentage you might get if you did want more? Were the 70/30 suggestions realistic?

If you've been a STAHM then you can claim economic disadvantage but it won't equate to 50% of everything.

You would need to prove you've lost a career or earnings for that argument to be considered.

But like my last post, 5 years of marriage is short. It would be stronger if you stayed at home say 10 years+

Did you give up work when you got pregnant or did you give up work before that?

Go for 70 percent you have two kids to house stiff him but you do need a job as after it’s done you only get maintenance

It will be 50/50. I imagine the house will be sold and the equity divided unless you can take over the mortgage yourself, or he can buy you out by giving you your share of the equity .

"I assumed it would be 50/50 because it's in joint names, but he says I "don't deserve" half. "

If you didn't contribute half during marriage you don't get half out.

You have made the same wrong assumption as my STBEW.

Only the marital part is split equally

@Ss770640 thanks for your reply. The assumption was not wrong, I've been told by my lawyers I would be entitled to 70% and if I went to court I could in theory take more and the house. Exh was told the same by his lawyer. This isn't something I plan on doing, I have no intention of financially ruining the father of my children! (Even though he's put me through hell for a year)

Ss not everyone lives in Scotland!!

Always remember lawyers simply give you a guide. It is the sheriff that has final say however lawyer input will be valued highly as it is vouched / screened.

Lawyers get paid either way and I've lost £30k in fees after being told I had a strong case (which I lost).

*@Ss770640
"If you didn't contribute half during marriage you don't get half out.

You have made the same wrong assumption as my STBEW.

Only the marital part is split equally"*

Why are you still spouting this after numerous people have told you that this is only Scottish law and doesn't apply for the rest of the UK?

The whole point of a starting point being 50:50 is because in the eyes of the law, a 'home-maker' is considered to have contributed just as much as the 'bread-winner', so as to protect the party that sacrificed a career for the sake of the family. So you saying that if you've not contributed half during the marriage, you won't get half out is utter nonsense. Please stop

It's a tactic. Designed to stop you trying to claim more than 50%. I was quite happy with a 50/50 split so just stood my ground till he caved.

My ex used some v shitty agressive lawyers and they got him to try this too. Get a decent mediator and tell him to jog on.

(he screwed himself over in the end. The house shot up in value over the 18 months he spent arguing over his% of the equity as originally valued. So in reality he got about 25 % of the equity at the point I paid him. )

That's what my STXH said to me. His solicitor is now begging me to settle 85% to me including clean cut lump sum from his pension. Funny how his cocky demeanor has changed to a snivelling wreck!

HE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. Only believe what your solicitor telss you.

boysmum I'm glad you've had legal advice. I'm assuming you were living together before you married? If so then the length of cohabitation is added on to the length of the marriage. And you have young children.

My DC were adults when I divorced but I got more than 60% - I had a.good barrister and I treated the whole thing as a business deal - my whole future rested on the outcome, it's not the time to understate your case! I wish you well.