Husband says I don't deserve half?

[boymum9]

We've been separated a year ish and have decided to start divorce proceedings. We had a pretty up and down first few months of being separated (can look back through my previous threads if of interest) but things have settled considerably.

We're on the same page with everything aside from how the money from our house will be divided. I assumed it would be 50/50 because it's in joint names, but he says I "don't deserve" half.

This is coming from these facts:

1. Stay at home mum to 2 children, 2 and 4.
2. For the bulk of our relationship we moved most years around the country for his work and I followed and therefore never settled into a career to be able to contribute financially.

I have my first appointment with a lawyer on Tuesday and we're hoping to go down the "collaborative law" route to make things quicker and easier and less fighting over things as we get on fairly well. I will obviously find out where I stand when I go to the lawyers but will I be naive going in assuming that assets will be split 50/50 even if I didn't contribute financially? If I am being naive that's something I can accept and will happily work to what's appropriate!

Anyone have any advice?!

Cute that he thinks he gets a say.

You deserve more than 50-50, you will be doing the main share on the parenting! Get a good solicitor who will make mincemeat out of him.

I've had advice in a similar situation that the starting point would be significantly in excess of 50:50, more like 70:30. You have taken the financial sacrifice to support his earning, so he has much greater earning potential than you given your career has been completely put on hold in favour of his. You will also be entitled to a share of his pension. Get advice from more than one lawyer and choose the best one. Don't deserve it my arse, what a prick.

He's right, you don't deserve 50/50 - that's far too low. You need to go to your lawyer with the expectation of getting 70/30 at least. Don't sell yourself short, you need to house yourself and two young children. He can earn more money but it's much harder for you.

yep he rights you dont deserve 50/50 you deserve more given the fact you gave up your career.

What a cheek!

He's a CF and very misinformed

You've enabled his career by looking after HIS dc (yours too obviously), but if you weren't around he'd have not been able to move for his career or further his career because he'd have had to look after his dc. You've contributed in ways other than money to the household.

I think you are absolutely right in seeing a solicitor, as chances are you'll be entitled to more than half the house plus half his pension too. His greediness may end up costing him a lot more than 50% of the house.

He is in for a nasty shock!

He is in for a nasty shock

Serves him right for being a greedy sod

No you don't deserve half, you deserve more

Facilitated / entitled man eh.

Yes, don’t forget his pension. He got to be a parent and maintain and even increase his earning power, facilitated by you, to the detriment of your earning power. Divorce law recognises that.

Don’t sell yourself and the DC short seeking to be “amicable” with your ex.

Agree with everyone else - you don't deserve 50/50 as you deserve far more, plus share of his pension. Get a decent solicitor Op and remember that he's putting himself first so you need to be prepared to fight for what's yours.

Any settlement works on needs. As RP you will both need suitable housing, do have details of properties?

Do you know the value of assets, including pensions.

Your age is relevant and likely salary when you resume working.

You could get more if your needs require it as he is likely to have higher ability to raise a mortgage.

Don't rise to any comments, say nothing other than you are in a process that will resolve the questions you both have.

If you gave up a settled career to follow your XH, supported his career and raise your joint children, you should be going for more than 50% and you should be going for a chunk of his pension.

He’s only been able to make the money he’s made , and have the career he’s had, without your enabling and facilitating of his work.

Wellll he is certainly in for a shock isn’t he

Thank you everyone for your replies!! I actually fully expected everyone to say I was being ridiculous and I was misinformed!

Pension wise I don't know how that works, he runs his own (fairly successful) business which he set him in the time we had children, prior to that was a professional sportsman which was when we travelled around.

We have a small mortgage (under 100k) on a properly valued at 550k ish, he said he would give me no more than 100k, pay me that but so I can stay in the house for the time being while youngest is not at school yet and until I can go and work full time to give them some stability for now, so in theory that sounded reasonable?!

He has a history of being rather controlling, not in a hugely outward way that other people particularly noticed but emotionally, although did once prior to having children put a camera up (for a day apparently)in our house without me knowing to see what I was doing. Recently he went through all my belongings in order to find letters he'd written me when we first separated which show him in a rather unfavourable light and took those. He's stood at my window and listened to my phone conversations as well as turned up unannounced to see what I'm doing, there is more but it's written in previous posts and would take a while to get through!! The thing is we have tried to put things behind us and I understand he was struggling at those times, he is an amazing dad and is always there for them and has never let them down, we share nights about 60/40 and if he's ever able to be around in the day for them if he's not working he will be.

he is an amazing dad

Bingo!

Apart from when he's trying to rip off the mother of his children or coercively control her, of course.

Get a good lawyer and do not trust him an inch.

Seriously?

You have enabled his work lifestyle by caring for the children, sacrificing any chance you had to pursue a career of your own. He would not have been able to move around, do all the training etc AND fulfil his fatherhood responsibilities. So he wouldn't even have been able to make the money he did if it wasn't for you.

And if he starts on the old tripe about having children being your decision and something he did for you as some kind of favour as though he was never involved

His suggestion is ridiculously unfair, OP. He has completely undervalued your role and contribution to the family. Don't let yourself be treated unfairly in the name of keeping things amicable.

Even his wording "he said he would give me" - he thinks of it all as his to keep or give, not a joint amount to share.

@BertieBotts well what he does say is that

1. I didn't HAVE to follow him around for work, which I guess I didn't but we were a lot younger, engaged, we wanted to live together and not live hundreds of miles apart so I moved with him all the times.

1. He loves that I stay home with the children BUT "other" people have children and work, or I could have set up a business from home etc... I do point out we could have put them in nursery but the costs would have far exceeded my current earning potential, and also we did make the decision together that I would stay home with them, they've never been to nursery/pre school or any form of childcare, I feel like I can't win!

It doesn’t matter what he believes do not listen to him. You have the law on your side use it.

Wake up OP, have you had legal advice yet?

He is not and is not going to “play nice”.

Being self employed makes it easy for him to hide earnings and assets.

It's likely you'll get more, actually. The Court's primary concern will be to house the children appropriately so assuming they are going to live with you you may well need more than half the equity, or even to stay in the house with them for a period of time.

Anyway...chill out till you see the solicitor? who can give tailored advice, but your husband is wrong!

“Amazing” fathers don’t seek to control/financially abuse their DCs’ mothers.