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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

He doesn't agree with the grounds for divorce

40 replies

CQCnamechange · 21/09/2019 10:11

So what do I do now? I've already watered them down. I've tried to agree them with him without going back and forth to a solicitor.
The original version was sent to him by my solicitor and he has not contacted or replied to her - just told me he doesn't agree.

OP posts:
PorterBella · 21/09/2019 10:19

Have a look on the wikidivorce.com site, OP.
They have a forum and some knowledgable people giving advice
on there.

EggysMom · 21/09/2019 10:19

Presumably you have gone for "unreasonable behaviour". From my recollection, he doesn't necessarily have to agree with the cited examples so long as he consents to the divorce. Is he consenting or contesting it?

Original poster
CQCnamechange · 21/09/2019 10:34

Yes it's unreasonable behaviour. I thought that he had to agree? Can I just press on with my reasons then?

OP posts:
sandyvacancy · 21/09/2019 11:01

Does he understand that it doesn’t matter what’s on the divorce papers - no-one sees it apart from a judge, who probably won’t even read it. I think he can just tick a box that says he doesn’t agree with reasons but will proceed anyway.

Itsallchange · 21/09/2019 17:37

There is an option to choose where he can state he doesn’t agree but will not block the divorce, I’m sure my paperwork gave him 14 days and then the papers would be sent to court anyway? It’s not in his interests to contest the divorce, google it and send him the results (has he seen a solicitor?)

pointythings · 21/09/2019 18:36

He doesn't have to agree. Mine didn't either - he consented to the divorce anyway (then died before it could complete). Believe me, I hadn't exaggerated; quite the reverse, in fact. I imagine it was no different for you.

His solicitor will have told him that if he doesn't consent to the divorce, he can contest - but that never ends well and just costs an immense amount of money.

Itsallchange · 21/09/2019 18:51

Goodness @pointythings I’ve often wondered what happens if my H was to die before things complete? Does it make it more difficult?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 21/09/2019 19:07

If your spouse dies before you're divorced you then become a widow. You're either married or divorced.

Itsallchange · 21/09/2019 19:27

Thank you @NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 ☺️

Jocasta2018 · 21/09/2019 19:30

@NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1

What happens if you're legally separated?

An friend was living separately from her husband but not made it legal yet so became his widow but they were moving towards divorce.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 21/09/2019 19:36

separation is a bit meaningless really. Not sure why anyone would choose to go down that route. You can't re-marry and you would become a widow on his death.

pointythings · 21/09/2019 19:59

Jocasta we were separated too, nothing formal in place but divorce in progress. We were living separately too.

When he died, I became his widow. At that point the divorce could not complete because you can't divorce a dead person. I contacted my solicitors, who informed the courts and the whole thing was cancelled. And no, you don't get any of the fees back, which is kind of fair enough.

My H died without leaving a will, so I inherited everything and was the beneficiary of his life insurance and pensions.

Original poster
CQCnamechange · 22/09/2019 10:00

Maybe it'd be easier if he died!! Joke it's a joke Smile

OP posts:
MysteryTripAgain · 23/09/2019 04:41

To OP

Your partner can object to your divorce petition. If you have evidence of unreasonable behaviour it should be okay and the petition accepted. However, if you do not your partner can drag it out.

The Owens case went all the way to the supreme court and the judges ruled (all be it reluctantly) to reject the Wife's petition. So the wife will have to wait 5 years.

ColaFreezePop · 23/09/2019 09:04

OP most people getting divorced aren't wealthy hence the recommendation by family solicitors not to contest things while getting divorced and to reach your own agreements where possible.

MysteryTripAgain · 23/09/2019 09:07

OP most people getting divorced aren't wealthy hence the recommendation by family solicitors not to contest things while getting divorced and to reach your own agreements where possible

Good advice. My ex turned things into a contest and a huge chunk went in legal costs. Money they could have had themselves.

itsallverywell · 23/09/2019 09:30

I made myself the respondent and made up some unreasonable behaviour on my part just to get rid of the man as quickly as I could

Mystraightenersarebroken · 23/09/2019 20:37

He doesn't need to agree to the grounds. The judge decides if they are sufficient.

All you have to do is prove that they have been served. If he ignores then it goes through provided the judge agrees.

He can contest on the grounds that the marriage hasn't irretrievably broken down e.g. you are still living together, sharing a household, meals, sleeping together etc.

Original poster
CQCnamechange · 24/09/2019 03:11

Thanks everyone. I have since made them even more generic and he has now reluctantly agreed. Ridiculous that he has admitted to his behaviour but doesn't want it as a public record.
I think it's shown me how he will act during the divorce process. He does hardly any childcare now but is going for 50/50 so he doesn't have to pay childcare costs. I have the proof that I have done most of the childcare and holidays etc over the years but he is saying because he can prove he can do it from now on that's what he will get. Does anyone know if that it true?

OP posts:
Fucket · 24/09/2019 03:18

I think you will have to divorce and sort the financial settlement out afterwards.

I wouldn’t think the court would agree on 50/50 because of his plan for the future. If contact could be 50/50 why is it not now? How old are the children? Sometimes if they are older they have a decision in it.

ShippingNews · 24/09/2019 03:23

The thing about dying before the divorce is not relevant. You're married until the day you get your decree - if he dies before you get it, you're a widow.

Palaver1 · 24/09/2019 05:33

You do not discuss into this amount of detail .
He is beginning to control the situation the one thing you don’t want .

Dacquoise · 24/09/2019 14:11

I second what Palaver says. It does look like he's trying to retain control of the divorce and the financial outcome. My ex-husband tried to scare me all sorts of predictions about what would happen in our divorce which caused me to make some choices that were not in my interests.

I would advise you to tune out and try not to get sucked in. It will wear you down and you really need all your energy to get through a divorce.

Original poster
CQCnamechange · 26/09/2019 05:27

And now I'm being criticised as I want the financial information to be sent to my solicitor so she can advise me before mediation. I don't understand his pension (he has bought property with it) or his accounts to take a view on how much his business is worth.
Does anyone know how you value a business?
Living together while going through this process is hell.

OP posts:
Palaver1 · 26/09/2019 05:32

Let you lawyer deal with this stop asking ,sharing ,discussion are a no no at least for now .
Your not an item it’s over don’t ask for his input as you know his not going to give it

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