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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Am I being totally stupid - financial settlement

90 replies

Needsomeadviceplease01 · 08/07/2019 16:25

My H and I are getting divorced after 3 years separation. We were married for 7 years and have 2 children now aged 9 and 10 (the eldest was born 2 months after we married).

My H owned the property I moved into outright. I contributed approximately £3,000 over the 7 year marriage for new carpets/furnishings and we both contributed to the bills etc during our marriage.

We are/were both low earners (he's a care worker, I'm a part-time waitress, once the DCs were at school).

I left because of his alcohol dependency.

The decree nici has come through but the judge is raising questions regarding the financial settlement. I have always said that I do not want any money from his house as this belonged to him before we were married and I made no financial contribution to the purchase of it.

He pays me £200 per month for the DCs and has always done this. Plus he pays for other extras and his family are generous with the children. In addition he has them every other w/e from friday to monday and whenever I go on holiday (I have a new partner) and from time to time when I ask (he is always happy to have the children).

If I tell the judge that I don't want any money from him/his house will this satisfy the position? The judge has also asked if I have a solicitor which I don't.

OP posts:

TheEmpireNoMore · 11/07/2019 02:55

Matrimonial assets are considered jointly owned regardless of who paid for what. How the Courts split assets will be based on many factors.

EileenAlanna · 11/07/2019 04:32

I think it's safe to assume that your H made no financial contribution to the mortgage free £800,000 house either on a care workers salary unless he's a huge amount older than you & bought it when you could buy a big house & fish & chips out of a 10 bob note & still have change left over. Did he inherit it?

If you're only working part time ask about Legal Aid. Even if you're not eligible I would imagine a solicitor given the facts in the case would have a very good idea whether or not you're likely to get a substantial settlement that you'll be able to pay their fees from.
If you do get a substantial amount & regardless of how stable you feel your new relationship is keep your finances totally separate from his. Have you're own sole bank account for the settlement money & pay your equal share of bills into a joint account. Keep that money for your children's use & benefit.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 11/07/2019 04:45

House issue aside, as morally you need to do what you believe is OK for you.

However why does he only pay £200pm maintenance?

madcatladyforever · 11/07/2019 05:41

Me and my ex agreed everything between us and a very low settlement for him. The judge agreed it when we specified that was what we wanted.

Original poster

Needsomeadviceplease01 · 11/07/2019 06:09

Thanks for all the replies, I have lots to consider.

It wasn’t inherited, he had a high paying job for many years, before I knew him. Had it been inherited I would feel even more uncomfortable.

I will find a solicitor to get a legal view.

OP posts:

SavoyCabbage · 11/07/2019 06:31

I think you are being quite short sighted with this. Your dc are only 10 and 7 so you’ve had the cheaper part of raising them already. Every thing gets so much more expensive the older they get,

If your dh hadn’t had that house when you got together, you would have bought somewhere smaller together and you would have been getting an share of it now.

Original poster

Needsomeadviceplease01 · 11/07/2019 19:07

So I’ve discovered that the house was actually given to him - would this make any difference in terms of my rights? I don’t want to start running up costs unnecessarily.

OP posts:

Disfordarkchocolate · 11/07/2019 19:11

Please get some legal advice. The settlement is for you and your children.

3luckystars · 11/07/2019 19:12

It doesn't matter how he got it, he has two children with you and and is sitting in an eight hundred thousand pound house and needs to cough up.

You need to look after your children here, they are his children but you are paying for everything.

koolaider · 11/07/2019 19:18

Any sound judge wouldn't let you walk away with so little. You need legal advice and a fair settlement.

Original poster

Needsomeadviceplease01 · 11/07/2019 19:40

The house is going to be divided between his 4 children in his will.

Yes, I will get legal advice.

OP posts:

Palaver1 · 12/07/2019 06:32

800000
Changes everything it does matter that his a low earner that’s why his giving that amount
That’s a lot his sitting on he will have to rethink
You need to get proper advice .

7yo7yo · 12/07/2019 06:42

Don’t get what you think you are entitled to get.
Get what your children are entitled do.
Then safeguard that for your children’s future.

RonnieScotts · 12/07/2019 06:45

Yes you are being stupid.

Get a solicitor.

This is for your children and your future, he has a drinking problem and may well lose it anyway.

Give yourself a wake up call.

Nowisthemonthofmaying · 12/07/2019 06:51

It doesn't matter what his will says now - he could meet someone and change it at any time!

Nowisthemonthofmaying · 12/07/2019 06:53

And for 800k you could buy a house each and not have to worry about renting - security for your children is really important, especially if he's an alcoholic.

7yo7yo · 12/07/2019 07:55

And I’m really sorry but you sound so naive.
When you buy a house make sure you protect it for your children against any future marriages.
Don’t buy a house with your new partner without safeguarding your money.

mummmy2017 · 12/07/2019 07:56

Because of the time you lived in the house it becomes the marital home, think but please check with solicitor.
Judges tend to go on NEEDS....and can now use and assets both sides have to allocate funds to house both parties, a judge would not leave one homeless and one in a 800k house.

PicsInRed · 12/07/2019 07:59

The house is going to be divided between his 4 children in his will.

He could disinherit your children and leave it to his subsequent children or by the time he dies there could be 10 of them to divide it amongst - you have no idea what the future holds.

He could also remarry and leave it all to his new wife (sadly not uncommon).

Ignore his will - it can be changed at any time and is totally irrelevant to your settlement.

PicsInRed · 12/07/2019 08:02

Oh and he could drink the house away.

katewhinesalot · 12/07/2019 08:16

I think the judge just wants to know that you are aware that you have a claim to some of the assets. If you can demonstrate that you know you have, and that you are voluntarily forfeiting that right, then he has covered his arse. He has reminded you of your rights.

Be wary of the pps telling you to get a solicitor involved. Certainly if you would actually like a share of the assets then this is the right and fair thing to do, however if you really don't want the money then involving them just for the sake of it, could jeopardise the amicable relationship you have now. Just to reiterate that I AM NOT SAYING don't use a solicitor. You are entitled to money and you should have it if you want it but don't go after it just because mumsnet say you should. Put a lot of thought into this. This is your child's future. Do what is right for you and your child.

swissmilk · 12/07/2019 08:25

Why would you give away your and your children's right to be housed?
Yes you are being very stupid.

ColaFreezePop · 12/07/2019 11:19

OP are you aware you can go and get advice from a solicitor but not use them to represent you?

This is what you should do.

Have the questions you want answered written down and make it clear to the solicitor before hand you are only using them to give you advice only.

Original poster

Needsomeadviceplease01 · 12/07/2019 12:17

I have made an appointment to see a solicitor next week.

I have taken good note of your message katewhinesalot. I think the judge wants to be sure that I am aware that I have a claim to some of the assets - and if I choose to not make a claim that I am aware.

If perhaps I can be assured that our children will have a share of the property (perhaps through a trust or something like that) then I am not going to make a claim myself on his property.

When I moved in with him I knew that he owned the house, I didn't pay any rent / mortgage and I was well looked after. We were and still are both low earners and I don't see that changing in the near future. He gives me as much as he can on his wage (which is over required 16%) and I want to continue to have an amicable relationship with him for the sake of the children. He is, despite his illness, a good man.

It does not sit well with me to make a claim on his property if I can get some kind of assurance that the children will benefit from his house. I am with a new partner, we have a 3 bedroom property that we rent and I am happy. After all, who's to say that if I received half of the value of the house I might spend it on myself (not saying at all that I would do that though).

I really appreciate all the comments, it's been helpful to see different perspectives.

OP posts:

Xenia · 15/07/2019 14:19

I agree with you too. I would never claim what morally I felt was another person's property even if the law let me take more. He might well be happy to help the children however. Eg my children's father has given each of them a bit of money , which in effect came from the divorce settlement I paid to them, to go towards a property or more like the stamp duty only on a property as stamp duty itself is so high these days! (lucky tax man)

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