Am I being totally stupid - financial settlement

[Needsomeadviceplease01]

My H and I are getting divorced after 3 years separation. We were married for 7 years and have 2 children now aged 9 and 10 (the eldest was born 2 months after we married).

My H owned the property I moved into outright. I contributed approximately £3,000 over the 7 year marriage for new carpets/furnishings and we both contributed to the bills etc during our marriage.

We are/were both low earners (he's a care worker, I'm a part-time waitress, once the DCs were at school).

I left because of his alcohol dependency.

The decree nici has come through but the judge is raising questions regarding the financial settlement. I have always said that I do not want any money from his house as this belonged to him before we were married and I made no financial contribution to the purchase of it.

He pays me £200 per month for the DCs and has always done this. Plus he pays for other extras and his family are generous with the children. In addition he has them every other w/e from friday to monday and whenever I go on holiday (I have a new partner) and from time to time when I ask (he is always happy to have the children).

If I tell the judge that I don't want any money from him/his house will this satisfy the position? The judge has also asked if I have a solicitor which I don't.

[thethoughtfox]

With his alcohol issues, he may be unable to work sooner or later and not be able to keep paying...

[NoCauseRebel]

I can totally see why the OP would take the moral stance tbh. People are very quick to jump to the “make him pay” option but if the situation were the other way around they would be telling the OP to hold on to what is her’s and if he was prepared to forego half the value because it was the OP’s house before she married then she should take it before he changes his mind.

And while people may think that £800k is a lot of money that very much depends on where you live. And what posters are proposing now is that he sells the house and that they both have to buy somewhere else, with stamp duty and associated legal costs etc etc. And it’s a fact that a lot of properties around that price mark are not selling, so what then? They’re both low earners so it’s not as if he’s going to have the money to give her is it?

Where I live £800k will buy you a three bed semi. And the truth is that houses just aren’t selling for that price - I’ve seen a house go on the market near to me which has gone down by £100k in the past year as they’ve dropped the price. And still it isn’t selling.

So the OP could demand anything she liked but if the money isn’t there then the money isn’t there.

[madcatladyforever]

You can convince the judge. I did. I gave my exH £10,000 instead of 50k and it was queried. The judge was fine with it once he knew it was what we had agreed. Neither of us had solicitors.

[bengalcat]

I’d still see a solicitor . At least you had the good sense to get married . You’ve gone from one relationship with a homeowner to another - wishing you good luck with your new partner but if it breaks down are you able to afford to rent/buy somewhere for you and your children ? I’ve no idea if it’s possible but you may be able to have a %of his houses equity without , at this moment in time needing or indeed desiring to force a sale . Wills are good but the problem is they can be changed and if your exH to be remarried then that could be a problem / also need to factor in any promises he may have made to his other two children . If you re able to support yourself and your children either in rented or bought accommodation either now or in the future then walking away with ‘ nothing ‘ might make more sense . Obviously having children , working PT etc has also impacted I guess on your future earnings / job prospects and pension when you’re older .

[Mummyshark2018]

Op you're being very naive and unfair to your children. He's living in a house worth 800k (mortgage free) , paying you minimal CM and your children are living in rented. He's the one who needs to look at his morals. His priority should be to be jointly responsible (with you) to provide a stable home for your children. If I were in your position I would be wanting at least 25% of the assets. It may not get you a house but would provide you with financial security for the future. I'm sure the house went up loads in the 10 years you were together. I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about. What if after the divorce he quits his job, sells the house and lives off his assets. Your dc may not get anything and your cm may stop.

[hadthesnip2]

I've read many of the posts on here & seeing as the OP has now taken legal advice she is free to make any decision she chooses

My take on it lies somewhere in between. I would say she should get a share of anything made during the period of the marriage. Property may well be worth £800k now but what was it worth when she married & moved in to when she moved out. A proportion of the 7 years she was married may be £100k or so. To me that's fair.

[Boulezvous]

The judge will rightfully be concerned about the welfare of your children and you having sufficient resources to house them in suitable accommodation. £200 a month is very little and it seems that you are now relying on another man to house you. If that relationship fails what resources will you have to fall back on? Could you and your children be homeless - yes. So you need sound legal advice to ensure you are not disadvantageing your children's future. It might not be half of the house he paid for but it should be more than you are getting.

You can not rely on goodwill gestures. You should look to get a full time job to ensure you can build up some more financial security - if you are so dependent on your partner you are potentially financially insecure.

[Jon65]

'she is free to make any decision she chooses'

Well no, she isn't. Any agreement as part of a divorce has to go before a judge whose main concern is the arrangements regarding the children. Op is being foolhardy at best, and reckless as to future arrangements for the children. At worst she is showing an arrogant disregard for her children's wellbeing and suggesting an unenforceable clause re distribution of assets following ex spouses death will be enough to rely on their future stability.

[crimsonlake]

For goodness sake, I am quite alarmed to read this. Get to a solicitor and sort out a fair financial settlement for the sake of your children's future asap. You are being very foolish and naive up until now as you certainly do not know what the future holds.

[ValleysGirl72]

@Needsomeadviceplease01, I can see where you are coming from, but REALLY think you should revise your decision.

No one knows what the future holds, and your husband has written all four of his children into the will, BUT what if his alcohol dependency increases and due to that, he is unable to work and pay his bills and cm, what happens if he has to sell the house the pay off any debts that he has accumulated? His children will be left with nothing, PLEASE PLEASE reconsider your decision, for the sake of the children

[Xenia]

She could also do nothing and not claim anything and then even a judge would not intervene to interfere in decisions freely reached!

[MammaBot211]

My goodness, so will it be right morally when your ex has drunk his way through his estate and left your DC nothing?

You are not putting your DC first because you would not be do naive moving into a rented property with your new partner, when your ex is living in an 800K house, paying only £200 Child Maintenance for 2 kids.

What are you planning on doing if this relationship does not last?

Get your head out of the clouds and put your DC future first, and if your ex is as nice as you state he is, he will understand why you are protecting your kids futures.

[Rubbinghimsweetly2]

I iike you op. You are a thoroughly decent human being.

[theroadtohell1]

OP, I agree with you. A positive, amicable relationship with your childrens' father is priceless.

[PumpkinPieAlibi]

Good on you OP. You are a very moral person and your children will thank you for your amicable behaviour in this divorce when they are old enough to understand.

You know, if a woman had come into the marriage with a mortgage-free 800k house, everyone would be telling her to secure her assets and that he shouldn't be given anything in the event of a divorce. Granted, the woman would most likely be the one with custody so the man would have less of a claim than OP in that scenario but it is amazing how the advice changes when it comes to assets owned by a man vs a woman on here. It's almost as though a woman's assets are hers but a man's is marital. The fact that the property was inherited makes it even worse as the OP really has not contributed to her ex husband's ownership of that property.