Stay at home mum getting divorced, need advice

[LittleMissMaghribi]

Hi everyone, I am possibly looking at the option of divorcing my husband and first need some advice.

I am a Moroccan national with Moroccan citizenship. I married my husband at the end of 2015 and we had 2 sons whilst I lived in Morocco.

My husband applied for a settlement visa for me which was granted this month and I am now in the UK.

I went to my cousins house rather than go to my husband, and I don't have any income, benefits, or job.

My husband has a job that brings in around £35,000 a year before tax.

He doesn't own a home and has about £15,000 in assets (mainly savings with about £4000 in stocks and shares) and about £10,000 of liabilities (mainly credit card debts), so a networth of about £5,000.

If I divorce him, will he be legally required to pay any of his salary to me during the divorce proceedings, so I can pay my own rent and expenses? And how about after divorce?

He also has a pension of about £20,000 if that makes a difference but is nowhere near retirement age (we are both early thirties).

After divorce, would he be required to share his salary with me and roughly how much do you think he would have to share?

My visa conditions state that I cannot claim benefits, so would not be entitled to government support, and I am not sure about if I would be able to find work. I have a degree in sociology but don't have a lot of work experience.

Since my sons have British nationality, I am looking at changing my visa to a parent visa, since I don't think I can stay on a settlement visa if we divorce. Would I be entitled to benefits?

Does anyone have experience of being the stay at home mum without an income during divorce and were you entitled to some of your husbands salary in the divorce proceedings (before and after), and was it enough to live on without additional income from benefits or work?

Please let me know your experiences in how the finances might work out in such a situation. I am a bit stressed. We are not really getting on at the moment and I need a plan B for how I can live if we can't live together going forwards.

Also, we are not currently living together. I am staying with a relative. Am I better off living with him and does that increase my rights during a divorce if we share a house? in the case of a divorce, if we are renting a property, does it matter who's name is on the rental documents, and would he be the one required to leave or me if he pays the rent, and would he still need to pay the rent for me and our sons even if he moved out?

Please let me know what my rights and responsibilities are.

Thank you for your help.

Your husband sounds awful but I think you have to prepare yourself for reality. You’ve been here an incredibly short time by not living together immediately the terms of your visa were breached. To have any hope of staying you will need to prove you can support yourself and your children. Not sure how old your children are but could you look at working in a nursery, (your children might receive a discount) asking relatives to help with childcare, working from home and working nights.

You need to act quickly as I think you could genuinely be deported if you aren’t careful here. Domestic violence has to be proven and it also has to be stated as the reason for the breakdown.

I wish you the best of luck but you need to be really proactive now.

OP, I say this with kindness.

You have no proof of his domestic violence. In fact, you have the opposite - the police investigated and dropped it. Therefore you will not be entitled to any advantages that are given to victims of domestic abuse. If the police had dropped it, then no one will give you anything (such as legal aid) based on just your assertion that you are a victim of domestic abuse.

If you get divorced, I would bet my house that you will not get spousal support. It is usually for partners of high earners, who have made sacrifices to enable their partners to be high earners (eg by not having a career and staying at home to look after children so that the high earners can concentrate on their career), to the extent that their career can no longer recover. Your husband is not a high earner and you have not been together for long enough. In the highly unlikely event that you get spousal support, it would be limited for a short period of time to support you while you are looking for a job.

Your CAB link says you can ask - not that you will get, or that you are entitled to it. If he says no, there's not really much you can do.

A number of posters have taken time to explain these points to you. I realise that you are in a difficult position and are trying to claim everything possible but unfortunately what you are hoping for just doesn't exist.

OP I've read the entire thing. I must have missed your thread when you started it back in June. I began thinking you'd been remarkably stupid, despite sounding quite clever in your posts. Then I started to feel sorry for you. Towards the latest pages I have genuinely been sitting here open mouthed. I cannot believe how open you are about trying to scam the system any way you can.

You think you have it all figured out. You really don't. You could quickly find yourself being sent to a detention centre and deported and being separated from your children permanently. Surely it would be easier to just move back now, at least that way you get to raise them.

I have to ask though, how on earth did you find a 2 bedroom apartment to rent in London for £600pcm? I mean seriously, what?

Also, income support and housing benefit don't exist anymore. It is all Universal Credit now.

Also been through the Rights of Women document and your plan will also fail because you don't have this:

In addition to providing evidence of the domestic violence
you have experienced, you are also asked to provide
evidence that you and your sponsor were living together
from the time when you were granted leave to enter or
remain as a spouse or partner until such time as your
relationship broke down. This evidence is to show the
Home Office that the relationship was continuing before it
broke down permanently. In the SET(DV) form the Home
Office asks for 5 letters either addressed jointly to both
you and your sponsor, or addressed to you separately but
at the same address. The SET(DV) application form gives a
number of examples of what letters could be submitted,
including:
• bank statements or letters;
• council tax, telephone, water, electricity or gas bills or
statements;
• tenancy agreement; and/or
• correspondence from your GP or local health authority
(for example, your NHS card or letters confirming
medical appointments or health visits).

Update. The assault claim was thrown out by the police, but a non molestation order was granted against him in the family court. I am now submitting my indefinite leave to remain application, making my child maintenance claim, applying for emergency benefits, and applying for divorce with a financial settlement. I have legal aid to cover all my legal fees. It's looking positive at the moment. Thanks for everyone who helped me.

Did you find work? How have you been supporting yourself over the last few months?
I am still struggling as to how genuine this situation is. I don't want to doubt and am genuinely intrigued at the whole thing.

GET

A

JOB

My ex has been paying the rent and a few of the bills still, and I was awarded £2000 from a charity who helps people in difficulty, so I have been using that to cover the rest of my bills and food.

I am struggling with work due to having a small son, but I have applied for a job where I can bring my son and he can stay with me whilst I work, so I am hoping I will get that. Just awaiting the results of this.

Having small children isn't always a barrier to work. I work full time. My family are 3/4 hours away. I use nursery to cover childcare while I work and I use my salary from work to pay for it. Some months I walk away with £200 after nursery and bills are paid but you do what you have to do.
My children are 2 and 10 months.
Wouldn't that be an option? I simply couldn't work with my children with me. Not fair on work and not fair on them.

I still can't see why I'm not entitled to any support from my ex beyond child maintenance. It looks here as if it's fairly normal for an earning spouse to support a non earning spouse.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/ending-a-relationship/sorting-out-money-when-you-separate/financial-support-when-you-separate/

Since I have a non molestation order against him, I have free legal aid also, which will help in any divorce settlement. I know for sure he can't afford a lawyer and will try to battle me without a lawyer so I think I can get a good settlement hopefully.

I'm going to see what work I can find with a child also, still waiting to hear back from a good opportunity I've applied for. My options are limited with no child care though, so I need some means of surviving.

In the early posts in this thread, people mentioned that we never lived together and were married for a short period of time.

We lived together 6 months now, and he kept paying my rent another 3 months after that. And we've been legally married for just over 4 years.

He's agreed to not tell the immigration authorities we've separated, as he sees his sons regularly, so should I wait it out a bit before applying divorce?

He's on a non molestation order for a year now which means he can't contact me or visit the property for a year. I have legal aid for the non molestation order, divorce, immigration etc.

What's my best move at this point?

Wow. Just read this from start till now. No words.

Wow! You shouldn’t have any problems finding a job if you show them this thread. You calculation and research to manipulate yourself into this position would be applauded in some areas. 🍪

What a mess your husband created! Your survival skill is excellent op. Good luck with job hunting.

I really wouldn't count on getting any sort of spousal support for you out of your divorce. My ex-husband earns more than yours and I was told that as he pays quite a high rate of child maintenance (based on his salary) and also a contribution to other things that it would be quite unlikely for me to get more. You must remember that no matter how much it irks your ex husband is entitled to a life too and you cannot take every penny from him - no judge would allow that. (It will also cost you quite a bit to try and you may not succeed - I doubt legal aid would support protracted proceedings.

Well done OP.

Keep doing what you're doing - and ignore the Mumsnet "damn foreigners" squad - you're doing brilliantly and ensuring the future of your British children - and that their mother may remain with them. Exactly what you should be doing. 🤗

Well done on the job applications and for successfully navigating another country's legal system. You're a survivor, lady. KOKO. 💐

Wouldn’t it be better to divorce as soon as possible and apply for the parent visa?

I don’t understand why this wouldn’t be the obvious thing to do?

If you have a non-mol for a year it is obvious you’ve separated isn’t it? That is clear proof that you are no longer together?

You're a survivor

That’s one word for her.

He's agreed to not tell the immigration authorities we've separated, as he sees his sons regularly, so should I wait it out a bit before applying divorce?

He's on a non molestation order for a year now which means he can't contact me or visit the property for a year.

I’m not sure immigration will believe you’ve not separated when you’re not allowed to see each other...

This outrageous thread is still going?

I am happy for my taxes to be used to support two children who have a right to live in Britain. That is right and proper. It is also right that their mother should remain with them.

The person who is at fault here is her spouse, who was knowingly screwing over both his previous ‘wife’ and his new bride when he made his second marriage. Shame on him. What a vile, sexually irresponsible and worthless individual.

In the context of a traditional society, I also wonder what on earth your parents were thinking in allowing you to form this marriage.

OP, you are a ruthless, self-centred and grasping individual. You don’t seem to give a toss about anyone else (The landlord? The relatives who were hosting you free of charge?) or remotely grasp that there might be people far worse off than you who might genuinely need those public funds. I sincerely hope that I never come across you or your like. But, you have got some way to achieving your goal and too many women seem to drift through life, incurring debt, children and responsibilities with feckless men. I think that many women could do with taking a leaf out of your book as I am sure that you, unlike many women, will be absolutely fine.

In the meantime I suggest a career as a residential lettings agent, traffic warden or perhaps in sales.

I believe that her children would be better off without a mother like this.

Cloud cuckoo land

If he hasn't already i think your (ex) husband needs to get DNA confirmation of the children you claim are his.. you are an utter disgrace and people like you are why it is difficult for people in genuine need to get help and support from this country.

If someone wanted to write a thread that riled people up about grabby immigrants (at a very interesting time in British history) this has it all:

Immigrant
Woman
Single mother
Muslim
Domestic violence
Entitlement
Housing (such a divisive subject)
Legal loopholes (xenophobes LOVE to talk about those)
And it's not the official media so there's no way to verify anything.

It's strange because I have worked with lots and lots of people struggling with the same issues as the OP and she comes across... differently to them.