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Divorce/separation

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Original poster

How do other people cope with the OW?

88 replies

Whoknows11 · 29/04/2019 20:24

I struggle and have done for 4 years on how another woman can act the way she does.

Today she was pick up at school with my ex, picking my children up!

She's become friends with people I used to be friends with.

What's her game? Why would you act that way, still?

OP posts:
Sonny23 · 29/04/2019 20:32

Unfortunately I have no advice for this but know exactly what you mean!

I had to leave family home due to dv, she moved in about 2 hours after I left (it was my bloody house and me and my children were homeless!) she then posts on fb tagging my ex h in it laughing and joking about the last time he tried to stab me Blush

Some people just aren't right!

BringMeAGinandTonic · 30/04/2019 00:44

As someone who doesn't have to interact with the OW, I really do applaud those of you who must interact with the OW on a regular basis for the sake of DC or for various other reasons. You deserve a medal. It must be so difficult and make it hard to 100% move on and heal. :/

Flowers to you all.

Bookworm4 · 30/04/2019 00:50

Why would you act that way, still?
I think you're being slightly ridiculous; she's doing ordinary things, getting on with life, do you want her never to be seen in public with her DP?
These people weren't your friends exclusively, and they've chosen to be friends with your ex.

RubberTreePlant · 30/04/2019 00:53

What's her game? Why would you act that way, still?

They're out in the open, now. Official partners, doing every day things. Did you think she would become LESS visible?

Bookworm4 · 30/04/2019 00:55

Also, she's not the OW, she's your exs partner, it's been 4 years.
Did he leave you for her?

Original poster
Whoknows11 · 30/04/2019 06:12

She is the OW. They had an affair whilst I was pregnant with our 2nd child and he left before they were born. Has denied the affair and then 9 months later she was pregnant.

I think unless you've experienced something like this you don't know how it feels.

OP posts:
RubberTreePlant · 30/04/2019 06:14

She was the OW. She isn't now. She's the official partner now.

It's horrible but it's how these things often go.

cliquewhyohwhy · 30/04/2019 06:19

I agree with rubber she WAS the ow but now is your ex's partner. I can't imagine how hard it was to go through but only you can change your mindset on the situation now. Try to look forward and not backwards.

NameUserChange · 30/04/2019 06:21

I can totally see why you are upset. It is so difficult to move on and probably part of you feels she and he should carry that shame around and be judged for it forever. And they probably will to be honest! If people knew then they will carry the stigma of being the couple who had an affair.

Life moves on though. I know it's sad but clearly this wasn't just a small affair as they have lasted years. The way they got together was despicable but they have committed and have moved on. Other people don't want to be involved that's why they talk to them. People won't alienate them forever.

Her game is to be a family with the man she loves, like anyone. After 4years I would say that she has probably been successful in this quest. It doesn't make you hurt less but you really do need to move on after so many years and focus on your own happiness.

Pppppppp1234 · 30/04/2019 06:21

She a rubbish situation but she is your ex’s partner now not the OW.

She unfortunately will be there for school runs, for birthdays and her child is your children’s sibling so their lives are connected forever.

Bluntness100 · 30/04/2019 06:23

I'm sorry op. I understand how hard this must be, but I think you have to accept that as much as she once was the other woman, as your relationship is over, she is no longer the other woman, she is now his partner.

The things she's doing are completely normal.

Try to look at them as a couple. If you did you'd understand why she is involved with his kids and friends. It seems they also have a child together, so for your children her inclusion of them is a positive.

Palaver1 · 30/04/2019 06:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bluntness100 · 30/04/2019 06:28

Palaver that was really harsh and uncalled for. Really pot and kettle.

CarolDanvers · 30/04/2019 06:32

I’m confused. What was it that palaver said that was “really harsh and uncalled for”?

Original poster
Whoknows11 · 30/04/2019 06:35

Thanks everyone for your insights.

Everyday I'm grateful for being me, holding my head up high, getting on with my life, being happy, healthy and enjoying quality time with my children.

Living in such close proximity to my ex and his gf is difficult. I've tried to move away but he put a stop to that.

Trying to move on with my life is difficult when I feel my ex likes to control many aspects.

OP posts:
Jojoanna · 30/04/2019 06:35

I sympathise OP. It must be very hard not to feel resentful or the OW

Jojoanna · 30/04/2019 06:35

Of the other OW

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 30/04/2019 06:44

What do you mean he put a stop to you moving?

TheGodmother · 30/04/2019 06:53

@Whoknows11, she is the OW she will always be the OW to you and it will hurt for a long time. He betrayed you in a most awful way when you were carrying his child. Horrendous. You can tell PP have no idea how this feels.

Anyway you're right, hold your head up high, it will get better and one day, I can guarantee it, when he does the same to her, you won't even gloat you will feel sorry for her.

A leopard will never ever change his spots, he'll do it to her too, and you'll be so glad he's not in your life anymore.

So when you see her, don't hate her, feel so so sorry for her. She knows what he's like, she must be spending her second of her day wondering when he's going to do it to her!!

Original poster
Whoknows11 · 30/04/2019 06:54

No family where we live. He took me to court to stop me moving and it was granted. I have no family where we live. Would have liked to live near family for support and so I can work more to provide more for our children.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whoknows11 · 30/04/2019 06:58

Thank you @godmother you obviously and sadly gave some experience in this or are just very empathetic.

In a strange way I do pity her as I know what he's like. It's just very hard to see they've all forgotten what they did but how ever much counseling I'll never forget what I went through - he put our lives at risk, the stress I was under whilst heavily pregnant, I was ill in hospital and he just walked away!

OP posts:
DizzySue · 30/04/2019 06:59

It must've awful to feel so controlled, but for your own happiness you need to stop dwelling on them and get on with your own life happily. You only get one life and once your DC are grown up you will be free. Their selfishness has taken so much from you, but you are still allowing them to take your happiness, you need to put a stop to that right now, change your mindset.

DinkyTie · 30/04/2019 06:59

These pp saying she's not the OW, FFS.

Course she fucking is, stop down playing it! She's the other woman OPs H slept with when he shouldn't have.

I truly hate the MN take on this don't hate her, hate him, She's just getting on with her life blah blah. They are both arseholes, both deserving of OPs hate if that's what she wants.

SD1978 · 30/04/2019 07:00

Because as hard as it is, they've moved on- everyone has, and now she is his partner, stepmother to his kids and people will have formed a relationship with her. It sucks, it's a punch in the gut, but that's how it usually goes

isthismylifenow · 30/04/2019 07:09

Sorry OP, I do get it. Same boat here, I think in my mind she will forever be the OW although they are suddenly now engaged. She had an affair with my ex whilst she was also married, so I often wonder what her ex thinks too.

I have bumped into her on a two occasions unexpectedly. She wasnt with ex either time. First time, I was polite and then left as quickly as i could, thought i was ok but as I drove away my palms were soaking wet and i was shaking. I shocked myself at my reaction tbh, i thought i had it all together, but think it was more the surprise of seeing her that caught me off guard. Thing is that i will not see her with ex or the dc as their relationship has been kept secret (still), but i know from what the dc have told me. He still denies seeing her although I asked him outright. I dont get it, but that ship has sailed and I dont let the games get to me anymore.

Yes we've all moved on, but in my mind she will always be the OW. She was partly to blame for the breakup of my marriage, so i will find it difficult to think of her in any other way.

Maybe it is a time thing.

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