Do I go to court

[MassiveMug]

My dh and I came to a financial agreement out of court, we have sol involved. I settled on 80% capital from the house as a healthy deposit for a house for me and our 2ds and a small mortgage.

The sol have just drawn up the court order ready for it all to be sent to court on what we have agreed. Problem is, I now can’t get a mortgage and the equity I will get is not enough to buy anything half decent for us whilst he stays on in this big 4 bed house to himself.

I have put a hold on the order being sent off to court whilst I think about what to do. I could rent but that’s very expensive and I don’t work and trying to get a job is near on impossible, or do I take him to court for more money or even the house but knowing that this won’t be resolved for at least another year, hugh sol bill and would I be rewarded with anymore? Any advice please?

Pensions could be some time away before they pay out. Not much help if OP needs money now to buy a house.

OP stated that ex’s pension is worth more than the 80% equity, but did not give a figure. Her solicitor must surely know the figure? If so then solicitors must have thought 80% equity was a fair deal as did the OP initially.

All seems to me to be one upmanship. Husband can buy out the wife and wife is pissed as he gets to stay in a bigger house.

My ex tried the same and judge stated that as my offer was sufficient for her needs (as opposed to her wants) there was no obligation for me to provide more.

Reason ex wanted family house to be sold as opposed to get getting cash in hand was that she knows the rental income I could charge is sufficient to cover maintenance for he child and herself, ie it costs me nothing. Hence I did not receive the punishment she wanted to see in return for me divorcing her against her wishes.

Settlements are based on NEEDS as determined by the courts as opposed to want lists which according to Judge Mostyn (one of the most prominent family law Judges in the UK) are often vastly over exaggerated by ex wife’s. His famous comment about the ex wife who prepared her budget with a pen dipped in vitriol was hilarious.

What many poster seem to have forgotten is that ex husband has needs too such as; roof over his head,

And four bedrooms to choose from...?

His pension is worth about 200k. My sol of course advised court was the best action as I could get more, but then they will say that as it lines their pocket and with court costs would I be better off?

Stbxh thinks he needs the 4 bed house so he can house the dc when they stay with him and of course the new gf and her dc

So you’d be getting £180k, majority of the childcare, no wage, no house and no chance of a mortgage and he’d be getting £200k and the house as well as his £90k salary (undoubtedly boosted by you caring for the children). So you don’t even get 50% and you can’t reasonably house your children.

Yeah I’d probably listen to your solicitor and go to court.

Your DC are disabled, you are not able to work as a carer for them, you are the resident parent...

The starting point is 50:50 of all assets, the one housing DC as RP usually gets more, disabled DC are recognised as needing more, earning potential taken into account so you would usually get more on that count too!!!

You should be asking H for 60% of assets as a minimum! If he won't budge yes go to court.

Do you know how much more you need, what type of houses would you get for 180k?

Could you get a job so have some access to a mortgage or a guarantor as mentioned earlier? Court is stressful and will delay the resolution so best if you can get a deal without court.It also seems to ramp up hostility so there will be a longterm impact on you and dc.

That said, you seem to be getting less than 50% of assets plus your ex has the ability to raise a mortgage so from the outside you appear to have a case.
What could alter the award is your view of what your housing needs will be vs the judge's view. They may also decide that you can work so have mortgage raising capabilities.
This is why court is such a gamble and why you can't have any certainty.

Most decent fathers do not want their children living in accomodation that is not brilliant or in a bad area..however there are many narcisstic dads (& parents) around who once they discard their first family literally do not care if their dc suffer as they are incapable of empathy.

I am so proud of a family member who ensured his dc and ex wife were looked after well. He has reaped the benefits as the dc are now older and recognise he could have taken a different approach.
Conversely dads who triumph financially whilst the mums struggle will always lose their dcs respect.Children are not fooled for long.

Is your ex also suggesting minimum CMS and a clean break? These could be reasons to also get a court ruling and I suspect the clean break won't be imposed.

Bear in mind if he moves his new girlfriend in, your CMS figure will reduce as they will count as dependents.

and he’d be getting £200k

No. Thats his pension pot. Not hard cash.

180k? I wish, where had that figure come from? I’m walking away with 150k, no pension, £850 pm in maintenance and £300pm in spousal for next 3yrs. He gets all his pension and has no problem in remortgaging the 300k house

Yes he is a narcissist and will happily see his dc slumming it. He told me right from the start that he won’t rent, so me and the dc have to. He can do no wrong in my 10yr old ds eyes.

That spousal support he can stop after the first year. The only thing that can be enforced is CMS assessed child support that will be reduced if other DC move in.

You need to be insistent on a much bigger share of the pot to start with do not trust him to honour the agreement.

Yep id be very cautious about the CM figure. He can raise pension contributions to drop it and the gfs children will reduce it too. Run some figures through the CMS calculator to see how it might affect your income.

If you don't get enough to buy outright your best option is shared ownership where you buy the biggest share possible and rent the remainder. At least you will get rental help if you have no savings.

You need a cheap to heat/run property.

The won't give you a mortgage on court approved maintenance precisely because it is not guaranteed.

It's really difficult as there is so little info out there about disabled children. I know I'm looking. Can you represent yourself? I don't think you will do worse. He gets to keep a £90k job only because he isn't doing his share childcare and caring. Your future income and pension is compromised. Disabled children can be in education until 25 by which time I will be too old to make up for years of parttime wages and low pension. it sounds like you are putting your children's needs for a house above your need for an income as share of pension would be needed for you in later life. Shared ownership can be hard to sell later on. Have you factored in purchase costs etc as that will be a big chunk of your £150k. I personally would go to court myself as I don't think the usual amounts always apply to disabled children given you can't just stick them in childcare or give them a key to let themselves in. It doesn't sound to me like you are getting a fair deal as he has the ability to start again on a large wage when you don't. Realistically you will be looking at a school hours type job.

Op, so sorry if I suggested 180k, mixed up my figures.

It doesn't feel like you have a deal that will allow you to move on and it isn't overly generous..I know some judges will be more sympathetic and try to ensure you are housed and perhaps even some savings for emergencies, just can't be sure you will get one of those. It appears that it is the newly appointed judges who take the 50:50 hardline.

Your Ex must be able to fund a higher mortgage so the ability to provide more equity is there.

The concern re CMS or SM can be mitigated by a consent order specifically stating that the amount for 3 years are global payments so if cms goes down, SM goes up as the total must remain the same.
I would also suggest no clean break until 3 years are up. These are the points that a good solicitor can tie down in a court order.

It is shocking that the pendulum has swung so much in favour of high earners as it is to the detriment of dcs...your case is an example.

These narcisstic men quite happily shirk their responsibilities so that the dcs main carer has to rely on state benefits. Then they tell everyone how fortunate the Ex is..however they could never live on the amount they their Dcs have to survive on.

Btw, your son will learn the truth about his dad, it always happens.

Let us know what you decide. You have to be happy with the deal although court is never positive for either party. If your ex is narcisstic he will be determined to win at all costs so will turn the court process into a nasty battle. Be prepared for him to lie and attempt to discredit you as a person and mother.
I took an narcisst8c Ex to court as he was offering less than 50%, I did better but it was at a high emotional cost. Not sure I could have avoided it as the alternative was to sign up to a very unfair deal.

And four bedrooms to choose from...?

If he can afford to buy the wife out so what?

Yeah I’d probably listen to your solicitor and go to court

My Ex went through 4 different Law firms and lost a fortune in the process. At the FDR the idiot Judge said Joint Lives spousal maintenance was applicable. That spurred ex on to go to a Final Hearing.

Thankfully the judge at the Final Hearing knew something about the Law and stated clearly that as Ex was; in good health, had a job and was offered the biggest share of assets Joint Lives maintenance was not applicable.

Her solicitors cleaned up by charging her £8K for the Final Hearing compared to my cost of £2K

Stbxh thinks he needs the 4 bed house so he can house the dc when they stay with him and of course the new gf and her dc

So it has finally come out. Ex wife is jealous of new GF and her DC.

Courts don't make ruling based on jealousy.

Then they tell everyone how fortunate the Ex is

My Ex is very fortunate. She has £2.350 per month in hand in return for 16 hours work per week. That is a net hourly rate of £34. Someone working full time would need an annual salary of £112,500 to match that.

MTBA - you are projecting all your issues on to the OP, and they are not relevant to her.

You and other posters have been quite rude to her and I am glad that nicer more helpful posters have come along.

OP, the division of assets does not sound fair to me either. Court is a risk yes. Ex and I settled at the second hearing and that cost me about 25K. But in my case I could not have done it informally as ex is a manipulative liar, and I would not have got the clean break I have.

I think you need some more legal advice OP, and to think carefully.

To Wondering

£25K is a big chunk out of the £150K the OP has been offered.

Can't see how spending that will help at all? No certainty that Courts will award more than what has already been offered. The only guaranteed winner when courts are involved is the Legal Profession.

Courts will not make an order that forces the paying partner into poverty/hardship for the benefit of the receiving partner.

If there are not enough assets to go around then both partners will have to adjust their lifestyles accordingly.

Your Ex must be able to fund a higher mortgage so the ability to provide more equity is there

Not necessarily so.

Maybe the new partner is a good earner?

Maybe has has borrowed from the new partner?

Maybe based on his age and earnings the lenders will not provide more than the 80% equity he has offered?
Maybe he has secured the loan based on his pension pot?

Before making a deal it is usual for both partners to provide details of their borrowing capacity. If Courts become involved they will want to know such details.

MTBA ... missing the point again. In what world does a single man earning 90K need a 4 bedroom house while a single woman with caring responsibilities and 2 children is possibly having to rent and certainly can't afford a 3 bedroom house in a comparable area?

OP... the agreement you currently have doesn't seem equitable. In your scenario you should be getting more than 50% of assets.

If he earns 90K a year he can get a mortgage for rather more than the current value of the house 🙄

Its a tough one. Its a gamble. Someone I know was offered a very generous split of assets. She was told she could get more. She got less than the original offer. Plus barrister fees on top of solicitors.

In what world does a single man earning 90K need a 4 bedroom house while a single woman with caring responsibilities and 2 children is possibly having to rent and certainly can't afford a 3 bedroom house in a comparable area?

But the man can buy the woman out so what’s the problem? His needs are met. (Who cares about the kids’ needs )

How is it that so many posters are missing that the op is getting less than 50% if joint assets???? Despite having disabled DC to raise and therefore having little potential earnings possibly ever?

Sure she is being offered spousal maintenance for 3 years (as she should in her circumstances) but it is not guaranteed or enforceable after the first 12 months...