should your ex only be issued with vouchers

[curi0us1]

Hi all, just a quick question, if you pay a huge amount of CSM to your ex, do you think this should be paid in vouchers for clothing, food, housing etc, rather than being paid in cash, reason being that it may be used in a manner not in the best interests of your children. thanks for your time

[newyearoldme]

Are you an ex because you were this unpleasant and controlling during your time together?

[Donthugmeimscared]

God you sound like my ex. He gives a measly £200 a month for his 3 children and had the nerve to go mad that I had a Amazon echo on the side when he picked the children up like it was his business what I spent my money on. I work full time but in his mind anything nice I buy is from "his money". I bet he tells everyone I waste his cash on things for me.

[TeddyIsaHe]

Ha my ex used to think shopping at Sainsbury’s was too extravagant and tried to reduce his payments. If vouchers were a thing he’d be in his element. OP - this is not a good thing! He is a mad, controlling bastard too.

If you are worried about your children’s safety, talk to social services. Don’t try and take matters into your own hands. You’re clearly not able to separate your emotional and practical sides.

[MirandaWest]

There aren’t special Tesco vouchers that you can only spend on food for children - she could spend them on alcohol for instance.

[KeefBurtain]

when my ex didn’t pay any maintenance I bore the cost of everything for our children, which meant I had no money left over for myself, no new clothes or shoes in years, no car, never went out or had any hobbies as all my salary went directly on the children.

Now that he pays his share via maintenance (has the money taken directly from his wages) it has freed up some of my salary, so I’m able to spend some of my wages on myself.

[Battleax]

All of these aggrieved MRA types often seem to have an inflated sense of the relevance of their piddling financial contribution.

[Churrolicious]

Can you get special vouchers to pay a mortgage or rent then OP?

[slapmyassandcallmejudy]

Children are expensive!! And there's so much more to providing for them that clothes and food! What about the roof over their head? The gas and electric that keeps them warm, washes their clothes? Tv licence bill that enables them to enjoy the tv, fuel in the car so they can be taken places? What about basic needs like a new bed, replacement carpet for whatever reason? Clubs and activities, childcare costs, days out, treats when you nip to the shop? It all adds up very fast.

I receive child maintenance and it doesn't even touch the sides of what it costs to keep my children healthy AND happy.

[LooksBetterWithAFilter]

Ha my ex suggested I gave him receipts to show what I was spending maintenance on you can imagine how that went down.
My maintenance goes in to one pot it isn’t ringfenced to only be spent on the children and it wouldn’t even cover their monthly dinner money anyway so even though it may not go directly on the children immediately it all evens out because it is in a way paying me back some of what I’ve already spent on them that month anyway.
I’m sure my ex would have been delighted if it had been given in vouchers but he is a hard of thinking arse anyway. Thankfully he seems to be maturing finally the closer to 50 he gets.

[slapmyassandcallmejudy]

So in summary, how do you know she's not struggling financially? Struggling to make ends meet and is doing the best she can? How do you know she's not struggling to cope with it all on her own and so some days thinks fuck it and gives into a crisp sandwich if that's what the kids have asked for?

[1Wanda1]

How do you suggest people pay for their DCs' music/ballet/drama lessons with vouchers?

You sound controlling.

[jeanne16]

I think we need an indication of how much maintenance you do pay your ex and what you believe the money is being spent on. If it is all on clothes for her while your DCs are in rags, then you may get some sympathy. Otherwise expect to be pilloried on this site.

[AJPTaylor]

i presume you are a goady fucker.

Do you mean like thr food stamps they have in the USA instead of cash benefits to make peoples lives that little bit harder and humiliating?

[1Wanda1]

You say you "pay a lot of CSM based on what I earn". If you pay the amount of the CMS assessment then you're paying the legal minimum, not a lot. If you're paying OVER the CSM assessment and you're worried about where it is going, why not pay less to the mum and use the balance yourself to buy the DC things you can see they need but she hasn't bought them?

[1Wanda1]

Also, paying CM has no bearing on your ability to see your DC. If you never saw them again you would still be legally obliged to pay maintenance for them.

[Twotabbycats]

If she is saving money - which is for the kids anyway - how do you know she is not spending 'your' contribution on your share of the day-to-day cost of raising the children, and putting money from her own earnings into the savings account? Is it not a good idea to save for the kids future or perhaps that boiler breakdown or other house maintenance? And maybe the crisp sandwiches were a one-off treat

[Kidssendingmenuts]

It's not just about food and clothes, it's about keeping a roof over the child's head so it will be used for bills too! You can't pay csa and put a Claus in it on HOW you can spend it on the kids. That's bordering on financial abuse. All that matters is the parent paying pays for their children end of. If my x told me I couldn't spend it on xyz and tell him to go sling his hook!

[pissedonatrain]

OP I think it would be a good idea for your salary to be paid to you in vouchers.

[Kidssendingmenuts]

Also yes paying for a tank of petrol to take the kids everywhere and fixing the boiler to keep the kids with hot water for a wash and heating is the partners issue! If he pays csa then yes it can be used on that! It's for everything! Stop being so bloody petty

[C0untDucku1a]

Do you want your ex to live in poverty?

[Imchlibob]

If children are being neglected then the NRP must take steps to get full residency to protect the children from that neglect. If they don't then they are colluding in the neglect and are an utterly shit parent.

If the kids are healthy, well fed, well clothed, well housed and happy then it is none of the NRP's business how the money is spent. The RP is an adult with the capability to decide spending priorities as they see fit and their ex has no right to control them.

If the money from the NRP is the RP's only or main source of income then obviously a lot of the money isn't going to go directly on the kids. If there is other income from a new partner or from a job then your concerns in your OP are even sillier. It's all one pot of money and none of it is "your" money. It is theirs.

So long as the kids aren't being deprived and neglected as obviously any good parent will put their kids needs before their own - but it is in the child's interests to live with a healthy, well fed, well clothed, well housed and happy parent too so obviously some of the money has to be spent on achieving that. If there's enough cash for frivolous spending then that's great.

[StepBackNow]

If you genuinely believe that your children are being neglected report to SS and go back to court.

I suspect the reason you broke up was that you are a controlling man and you are still trying to control her. Back off.

[rainingcatsanddog]

Of course not. Say your ex was give. £100 in Tesco vouchers, she could spend it on £100 of food or £100 of gin. There's the obvious problem of how to pay a plumber or the school with vouchers or how a RP is supposed to calculate what percentage of CMS vouchers should be for each voucher. Life is such that you can't predict exactly what your expenditure for the next month will be.

If your children are being neglected then the only thing you can do is legally get more time with them. Many dads have 50/50 these days.

[curi0us1]

Some intresring answers, i do see the obvious flaws in this, and yes the issue with neglect will be escalated further, thanks for your time and comments, both good and bad.