should your ex only be issued with vouchers

[curi0us1]

Hi all, just a quick question, if you pay a huge amount of CSM to your ex, do you think this should be paid in vouchers for clothing, food, housing etc, rather than being paid in cash, reason being that it may be used in a manner not in the best interests of your children. thanks for your time

I’d think you walked away from your children and how their mum spends her money is none of your business. If I had walked away from my children which I would rather die than do. Any spare cash I had after any CMS I had to pay, and essential living costs I would give to them. Whether they wanted a relationship with me or not. My body, my child. Bit different if you just chucked your dick in someone for a few seconds I guess.

sure, its not being spent on my children its being saved, is that right? i can see the answers, "for a better future for your children" etc, but its for now, no? in your replies i see, the issues in vouchers, but if my kids aren't seeing the benefits of the CSM is that right, the roof over their head is solid, the house is warm, and car has fuel, the school trips are paid for, as is the tennis, brownies etc, i pay towards this along side the CSM, that's no problem, but is a better way to ensure the money is used where its seen fit, rather than for "a pair of shoes for the RP"? really, can my children use them? even if you have borrowed from your money? WTF!!, can i take a bit of the CSM back if i need some new Raybans, erm fck no

OP how do you know it isn't going on the child or won't eventually?

Some kids don't have average sized bodies so things like shoes and coats cost more so money not spent one month will be spent another month. I remember pointing this out to a male colleague who couldn't understand why other parents chose more expensive shops to get their kids shoes from.

Also anyone who has to rent a 2 bedroom or 1 bedroom flat rather than a studio has to pay more in council tax even with the 25% discount plus spend more on other utility bills. These are hidden housing costs which aren't immediately obvious.

Added to that there are little things like toys, books and games which help educate your child and the costs of this add up.

Finally all voucher systems are abused. Vouchers would be sold on a less than their face value so the RP would get money to get that tank of petrol you forgot to consider when designing your voucher system.

Your answers are a bit cagey.

Are you saying the children are neglected - mums spending the money on drugs while the cupboards are bare and the children dirty.

Or are you saying she doesn't need your money for the kids and spends it on herself.

If they're neglected then you have to go to social services.

If its the latter, I'm assuming you have seen full income and expenditure details for the whole house and have used that information on which to make your allegation.

Unless you are rich (in which case why would you complain?) your child support does not amount to more than half of all the essentials. Man up and love your kids

These are your sperm. Deal with it and stop moaning. Should have thought about the cost before you left them. They’ll be dealing with what you have done all their lives. No amount of money can pay for a happy family

It's being saved? For your dc? For university or a home?

my answers are cagey, so my kids eat crisp sandwiches when not with me for the 3 days i have them, yes they aren't washed, no its not going on drugs my EX is a good woman but lives in a dream world and cant see the woods for the trees, she has another partner living in our old home, they are neglected, its the things the money is provided for that my children aren't benefiting from, how do you take your EX to court and not create more hardship on your children, i cam see the flaws in the voucher argument, but if a voucher can be issued for things the children directly receive, would that not be a good way to go. i like the assumptions being offered up from the question it really makes for sobering reading as to the culture out there.

How do you know? Put cameras in your ex’s house? Or maybe the children tell the same story about you when they go home

But you literally just said they weren't neglected. And if they were you wouldn't be concerned about money, just their welfare

And you had children with a woman who you are now insulting. Nice. I’d piss off now if I were you.

Your children are being neglected?

So your response was to post a thread about how you can be more controlling about CM?!

Wouldn’t “I’m worried about my children’s welfare” have been the thread a goofy father would have posted?

Good not goofy. You’re certainly that.

OK, so who pays the rent/mortgage I'm assuming your cms. What about bills, transport.

Are you really unhappy because she has a new guy freeloading.

If your concerned that she is not providing nutritional food, maybe arrange an online shop for them. If they are dirty, well that's a care issue not financial one and you need to speak to her about it, not try and control her finances.

Then apply to be the resident parent...

You don't pay your ex, she's not an employee. You are making a contribution towards your children's upkeep. What you suggest is controlling and deeply insulting.

If you want to be in charge then be the RP. Then you can control the money.
It's simple really.

I didn't get a penny from ExH, raised our DCs with no help. Vouchers would have been nice as opposed to nothing.

Interesting how people obsessed with money going directly to ex don't take the obvious step of directly purchasing nappies, clothing, school uniform, paying for term of school dinners etc..so much choice as to what you can draw up a plan to pay for, whereby the money wouldn't go directly to the ex anyway.

But no - this isn't even attempted as they're too busy watching the woman instead of caring about their children, seeking ways to control. Or as is more often the case, not pay anything at all.

Mean spite is so ugly.

People like this would soon enough be campaigning for less vouchers to be given anyway

Think it through. If you think vouchers would ensure that the money is spent purely on the children, then that means providing someone - you, or the cms - with the evidence of what the vouchers were spent on. (Otherwise, obviously, beer and fags are available from Ocado...)
And therein would lie the opportunity for control of the ex-partner, which many of us are desperately escaping from.
What, conversely, is your response to an interesting thread ongoing today about fathers who believe that, as they pay CM, they have no financial obligation to the child when it is staying with them? One example was a father who asked for towels and soap to be provided if he was to bath his own children.

This is exactly the kind of thing my ex would support. In his eyes the grand total of £40 a week he contributes is a massive favour to me that I should be incredibly grateful for, so I’m sure he’d love to be able to control what I can spend it on.

OP I'm not sure how old your children are but myself and quite a few friends are sandwich fillings including crisps that would horrify lots of adults. (Sauces was another favourite.) Yes most of us had divorced and separated parents but that was partly due to the people I chose to hang around.

In regards to washing some children have poor hygiene and you have to fight to get them to bath/shower. Then once you have done it they get dirty and smelly very quickly.

As PPs said if you think your children are neglected then fight to get full time residence. Otherwise stop coming up with stupid in practical schemes.

I can see how it might seem like a good idea to a controlling, abusive cunt of an ex.

So your children are being neglected by a "good woman" and you think the solution is to control how she manages the her household finances?

Awful idea.