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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Do you love your ex?

90 replies

Weddingplanningandlovingit · 27/06/2018 18:34

Just that really, particularly if he’s the father of your kids? Despite everything do you still have a piece of your heart for him?

OP posts:
KnightsOfCydonia · 29/06/2018 12:33

Yes, I've only had 2 relationships and both of them will always have a price of my heart, the first because he was my first and t was intense, and we got on so well, could practically read each other's thoughts etc

The second (XDH) because he had so much of my life and he is the father of my children, and we were married so long that his family are as much my family as my blood relatives.

I'm still very very good friends with them both, although I do wonder if this is why I haven't been able to put myself "out there" again since and remain single for the foreseeable future, which while I don't like being single I won't settle for the wrong person.

Lonelycrab · 29/06/2018 16:22

No way. Abusive fucktard covert narc witch. Stopped being able to feed from me and the mask shattered. Almost complete opposite of the loving, kind caring person was revealed. Pure hatred in her eyes towards me after 12 years and our poor ds6. All I did was stand up to her.

I have since learned a lot through this, both about how this bullshit works, and the role I played in accommodating her little fantasy world. As the penny dropped the horror of my sons next decade (mine too) became apparent and I truly regret ever meeting her. Her mind is a sewer.

Lonelycrab · 29/06/2018 16:25

Apart from that, lovely girlGrin

PolkaDotHats · 29/06/2018 16:25

No, he is a cunt!

itsbritneybiatch · 29/06/2018 16:31

No.

Could forget his treatment of me but not how he's acted towards his child the last 12 months.

I wish he'd just fuck off to the far side of fuck out if our lives forever.

blueangel1 · 29/06/2018 16:34

Hell no. Ultimately he made me seriously ill with clinical depression, fucked off with someone who masqueraded as one of my friends and he shafted my career. Wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire.

Brunsdon1 · 29/06/2018 16:38

Like some others , I do love Exdh in that he is the father of my children and was my husband....it was and is an important role.

He's not an ass but at the same time caused me a lot of pain and issues but ultimately both of us were complicit in letting the marriage fail

I am not and wasn't for a large part of the marriage in love with him, thought I was but no.

He's a good father and a decent man so yes in a way

Happynewlife · 29/06/2018 17:03

God no. We were together for 24 years and for the majority of It I was miserable due to him being a selfish, moody, passive aggressive, emotionally abusive twat.

He changed when we got married (I wouldn’t have married him otherwise), and got much worse when I had our first child. My life is 100 times better now that I’m free of him and the anxiety is almost gone.

Why do you ask Op?

NC4Now · 29/06/2018 17:06

He’s part of the family.
There were some very angry and bitter years but we’ve come through them and are actually quite good friends these days.
We wouldn’t get back together, but he’s a big part of my life story and we’ve made our peace.

HeyDolly · 29/06/2018 17:07

God no. In hindsight, I’m not sure I ever did.

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/06/2018 17:10

No. And I never loved him the way I love my husband. I’ve hated him but not anymore. He’s not worth my energy. If I do ever think of him I feel mild distasteful pity for him.

Original poster
Weddingplanningandlovingit · 29/06/2018 18:44

Thanks everyone. I’m just interested, I have an ex husband but no kids. I feel mild annoyance about him but feel he’s generally a good bloke we just grew apart. His new wife is causing me some problems but that’s a whole different story. I think it would be different if we’d had children together.

OP posts:
Happynewlife · 29/06/2018 18:54

How do you think it would have made a difference if you’d had kids together? Better, or worse? For me having kids together makes it a whole lot more complicated and stressful.

Original poster
Weddingplanningandlovingit · 29/06/2018 19:13

If we’d had kids we’d have to had stay in touch, meaning that it messes with the boundaries a bit. I was happy that we didn’t see each other at all or have any contact for quite a few years. I’m not sure how I’d have managed seeing him a couple of times a week to drop off or pick up kids. Definitely more stressful and complicated.

OP posts:
Polymamas · 29/06/2018 19:14

Yes. I will always love him.

I love my other ex too

I love my girlfriend.

I feel like once you love someone if never really goes away. Not for me anyway.

user1471453601 · 29/06/2018 19:22

He's the love of my life. Was then and is now. But he did something that was both illegal and immoral 30 years ago and there was no coming back from that. So, we are where we are. Can not live with him, but living without him is a constant pain.

fluffiphlox · 29/06/2018 19:29

When you read some of this vitriol, it does make you wonder firstly what it was that people saw in their exes in the first place and secondly, why they decided to have children with them.

YearOfYouRemember · 29/06/2018 19:34

I still have feelings for him but not sure what they are. No kids together and we don't currently have any contact. Married now, love dh even though he's hurt me badly so I guess if I loved you once I always will.

timeistight · 29/06/2018 19:39

Never stopped loving my ex, but never loved his drinking and the shit that went with it. Quite bitter and twisted that he is now sober, twenty one years after we split. Grateful that the kids are grown up and I don't have to see him.

SoyDora · 29/06/2018 19:40

Yes. We were in love for 9 years and he didn’t do anything wrong, we just split because we wanted different things from life.
Haven’t seen him for 9 years and I’m very happily married now (as is he) but I’ll always feel a lot of fondness for him.

mineofuselessinformation · 29/06/2018 19:41

Absolutely not - I now recognise him for the narcissistic, manipulative, abusive gas-lighting bastard that he is.
I can understand that other people may still have a little bit of their heart for their former partner, though.
I suppose it depends on why you both parted ways. I just think now that xh and ow deserve each other.

Original poster
Weddingplanningandlovingit · 29/06/2018 19:42

I wonder in the most non confrontational way if DP and his ex will stop contact when the kids are grown up. I hope so to be honest, but appreciate there will be times when contact may be necessary.

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 29/06/2018 19:46

Mine died resently.
So easy to love them this way as he no longer can do anything stupid to hurt our girls.

Verbena87 · 29/06/2018 19:48

I’ve been with my husband from my twenties so have a smallish list of ex’s. The one I was in a long term relationship with though is now a dear friend of me and my husband, we get on well with his wife, went to each other’s weddings etc. Definitely love him but not in a remotely romantic/sexual way.

The others? No. Maybe I never did.

MidLifeCrisis2017 · 29/06/2018 19:51

Yes, eight years on from a thirty year relationship, I know I did the right thing by leaving but I still care about him and it's mutual. We help each other out in a way we didn't when married because we like each other. I still hear stuff that makes me think "I must tell exDH", we share history, kids and a sense of humour.

I'm proud of our relationship, as are our kids. Appalling husband and father when we were together, but a good ex and dad now.