Do you love your ex?

[Weddingplanningandlovingit]

Just that really, particularly if he’s the father of your kids? Despite everything do you still have a piece of your heart for him?

[Icklepickle101]

I’m not sure I ‘love’ him still but there’s part of me that cares very very deeply for him despite all the bad things he did to me.

[Weddingplanningandlovingit]

I think women as a whole are a caring bunch (huge sweeping generalisation) and despite what happens we tend to remember the good bits. Time is a great healer.

[betrayedandwobbly]

Sorry, missed a bit out of that post by mistake - it was meant to link it to your question about choosing to remain 'tied' to someone who has treated you appallingly. And I think it's because it can take ages (years) for the person you thought they were to ebb, and the process by which is does can be painful in itself, and takes as long as it takes. If cannot be hurried. And if there are DC to continue, cold turkey isn't an available option.

I am seeking spousal maintenance as part of overall settlement, and given my age and our history, it is likely it will be granted for the few years until pensions (also to be divvied up) start paying out. his peooek see settlements, and what is fair for any particular separating couple is too individual and specific to generalise about.

[MaryandMichael]

Happily, no. He's been dead three years, though, and when I heard he was dying, I was really shaken up for about a fortnight. We split up in 1986.

[0ccamsRazor]

My dh and I both could not give a fuck about our ex's. Both are textbook narcs and we joke that they would have been perfect for each other!

It has been a long hard road recovering from our previous relationships, both my xh and his xw were abusive, his still is, so he is as low contact as possible with her.

We are just greatful to have found each other and to have a good, solid and loving relationship.

[Happynewlife]

The glaring difference between you and the ex wife is that she has brought up two kids and you haven’t. The advice from the two solicitors re spousal support was bound to be very different. You need to accept this or it will eat you up in jealousy and/or bitterness.

Re your partners daughter. Who knows what is really going on? How do you know the ex is coaxing or encouraging the bad mouthing? Somebody is out to cause trouble and may well be lying about it, just like you say the daughter is lying about you.

It sounds a real mess but most of all I feel sorry for the kids. You are an adult, you need to grow up and have a bit of empathy for the kids stuck visiting their dad and somebody who clearly dislikes them. Stop worrying about the ex-wife. The clue is in the ex.

[Weddingplanningandlovingit]

The glaring difference to me is clear - i'm a grafter and she is happy to accept handouts from an ex that isn't all that keen on her (understatement of the century). She's happy to live off others and blame everyone else for her own bone idle attitude to everything. Even her own son knows what she is.

I feel sorry for the kids too, but for very different reasons. I don't clearly dislike them, but I do think they have traits from her that are deeply unpleasant. Laziness being the most obvious one!

Step son was the one who told us that step daughter was gleefully spreading lies and ex-wife was enjoying it. So either way one of the kids is lying.

[Happynewlife]

Again, she is your fiances ex-wife. She is not a threat to you so why does all this matter? It seems you are looking for problems and stress.

Concentrate on the future you have together and stop being bitchy about your step-kids mum. Interestingly this is one of the many reasons my daughter dislikes her step-mum. She has over-heard her bad-mouthing me, much as you are doing here. Daughters can be very loyal to their mums.

[Weddingplanningandlovingit]

How ironic, step mums are very easily disliked, the hard work often goes unnoticed. I wouldn't take too much notice of what a teenage girl says about a parent/step parent, I hear all the time how my SD's mum is "hated", I take little notice.

[Weddingplanningandlovingit]

P.S. I think this has gone far enough now, I worked out who you were very early in this thread.

[Happynewlife]

There are rather a lot of ex-wives on here funnily enough. My ex got married a couple of years ago so I really don’t think I am who you think I am, but if it makes you happy to think so then carry on. 😹. Hope you have a lovely wedding and happy married life.

[SoyDora]

Are you accusing Happynewlife of being your partners ex wife? Paranoid much?

[HollyBollyBooBoo]

No, utter dick. Can't believe the person he's turned into.

[Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse]

This just got cringe

[Weddingplanningandlovingit]

@SoyDora - I may be paranoid, but I may also be correct. There are a lot of ex-wives on here, but there are rather a lot of coincidences here, rather too many. I hope i'm wrong.