Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Spousal Maintenance

154 replies

NeedsAdvice2017 · 17/03/2017 20:19

Apologies in advance, but this is going to be a long one.

OP posts:
BrerRabbitStoleMyCarrots · 18/03/2017 18:25

Blinky Blush Really? Thanks.

I thought you might tell me I'm a silly fool for that opinion. If I'm totally honest, I'd be fucked if Dh wanted to divorce me! Well, not entirely but my lifestyle would change a lot! I'm financially dependant on Dh which I know on MN is a big no-no.

I just couldn't bring myself to try to get him to pay me spousal maintenance. I've always thought it an odd and unfair thing. That works both ways too.

Luckily, we're solid so I'm pretty sure it won't happen Grin

Blinkyblink · 18/03/2017 18:29

Oh brer, I was using the lowest form of wit!

BrerRabbitStoleMyCarrots · 18/03/2017 18:50

Haha, I did wonder. I stand by my opinion Grin

MrsBertBibby · 18/03/2017 18:56

Wow, I never knew spousal maintenance was such a great excuse for a witch hunt.

EnormousTiger · 18/03/2017 19:01

I think a fair deal here is that he pays 3/4s of the child care costs as he earns more than you do as child maintenance and a clean break. The £20k her has offered for a clean break seems fair enough. That is what is likely to be awarded in my view given you both work full time and the biggest joint cost is full time care for the child.

If I were he I would fight tooth and nail for a clean break.

MrsBertBibby · 18/03/2017 19:11

Good lord, why do we bother paying for judges, when we have Enormous Tiger and her crystal ball of making some shit or other up?

caroldecker · 18/03/2017 19:19

Your request appears to be about what you earn after tax - so you feel you deserve an income of around £100k pa?

CatsDogsandDC · 18/03/2017 19:21

Go and see an experienced family solicitor OP. A lot of the advice on here is very inaccurate. Spousal maintenance absolutely is awarded where there is sufficient income.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 18/03/2017 19:34

Honestly, I can't say that I sacrificed anything for his career. He sort of worked his way up, and I have always worked full time.

So why do you think you should get SM then as you admit you sacrificed nothing. He worked hard for what he has got.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 18/03/2017 19:36

I was with him and supported him for 10 years, so I do think I should have some stake in his success.

Yet you admit you sacrificed nothing for his success do why exactly should you have anything?

Your marriage isn't really very long either tbh.

38cody · 18/03/2017 22:36

Hi Op
I think you're. being given a hard time here - the fact that you are a mother means that if he's taken a corporate job with high pay and long hours then you couldn't do the same - his advancing his career has been at the expense of advancing yours due to childcare so he must pay decent SM.

sailawaywithme · 18/03/2017 22:41

You won't get spousal maintenance if you're earning over $50k.

reallyanotherone · 18/03/2017 22:41

Cody- o/p admits her career hasn't been affected though. He has only just advanced, and not at the expense of her career. She hasn't refused promotion or changed hours in order to accomodate childcare, neither has he.

O/p seems to think because he earns more, she is entitled to his earnings because they were married.

Holland00 · 19/03/2017 13:55

Very interesting thread.

I am in the early stages of sorting out a financial settlement with my STBXH.

I earned slightly less than the OP, been a SAHM for 7 years raising 4 children. Totally reliant on H financially.

He earns more than OP's husband, he has only been able to do this as I've been at home.

I am asking for short term SM, only long enough for me to get back on my feet and earn a decent salary again, as I cannot just walk back into my previous earning bracket.

I wouldn't expect SM for a lengthy time period, but my solicitor says I am entitled to it.

Hermonie2016 · 19/03/2017 13:57

Thank heavens for MrsBert.

SM is possible but is driven by needs so OP will need to show what her needs (he will have similar needs) are and then determine what joint money is available to meet the needs.Its about the basic lifestyle that the children will have with each parent.

I don't think it's possible to say if SM would be awarded until needs are known OP.

I would say to posters who don't agree with SM.It is awarded where there is a major disparity in income.Often women have been unable to work, progress careers, due to their husbands controlling or abusive nature.I was a high earner but pregnancy complications and complete lack of support from stbxh meant my career wasn't possible.In hindsight I should not have trusted ex or had dc with him but he didn't wear his abusive mask until I was vulnerable.He was also very manipulative.An example he would not "let me" put money in my pension as he had a good pension so no need, my money went towards the house.Now of course he can tell everyone how I am after his pension.

Judges and courts thankfully recognise that women are impacted by having children, even if it's unconscious bias in the workplace.Add controlling husbands then women's income are generally lower.
SM is a way to acknowledge that.

I had similar views about SM before I was in my situation.I now know I was very naive as not all marriages are supportive.

OP, what are your housing needs?

Hermonie2016 · 19/03/2017 14:06

Holland, how old are the children and what age are you? The term is influenced by this.
I would just ensure you consider what is possible in terms of salary as older workers with childcare can struggle to return to work even if skills are relevant.

Holland00 · 19/03/2017 15:14

Hermonie-Children are 8, 10, 12 & 16. I am 41.

I worked in senior management, realistically I'm going to have to go back at manager level which is a significant drop in salary.

In hindsight I should never have given up my career, but now guess I just need to do the best I can.

I'm back part time, in a completely different field, but just needed to get back into the world of work.

babybarrister · 19/03/2017 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hermonie2016 · 19/03/2017 20:28

Holland, 4 children is pretty full on so understandable especially if you H was in a demanding role.My H never ever took a sick day for dc so my role had to be flexible.

Don't over estimate your potential salary as then the risk is all on you which seems ridiculous given yours ex income.

user1486334704 · 20/03/2017 03:21

So you want SM and childcare costs on top of CS?! Despite earning 51k a year? Wow.

CM is supposed to 'contribute' to the cost of raising your child, not completely cover it (and more) and does include childcare costs!

Have you taken any legal advice whatsoever OP? Your ex's proposal is more than generous

EnormousTiger · 20/03/2017 08:23

I stand by my clean break advice to the husband with him paying a lump sum,. We now know the children are 8 - 16 so there won't be £30k a year full time childcare for a toddler whilst both parents work full time kind of thing. In fact my 16 year olds would look after an 8 year old after school pretty easily but yo might need someone from 3 - 6pm to do the school run and holiday clubs to pay for in school holidays.

I would have thought 25% of husband's net income if he doesn't have the children living with him much (teenagers don't like to move from house to house) for child support and a payment from him to you as a clean break with no maintenance. Make sure the child support goes up to university stage - our court order says I the higher earner pay university costs for our 5 (not just school aged costs).

MrsBertBibby · 20/03/2017 08:51

It's hard to choose between boggling at the soaring peaks of Enormous Tiger's imagination, and wondering at the fathomless depths of her ignorance.

Blinkyblink · 20/03/2017 16:18

MrsBert, what is your problem with EnormousTiger?

I might can't say 100% agree with her but she really isn't proposing something all that extreme.

Plus the way you word it isn't clever, it's just bitchy.

babybarrister · 21/03/2017 08:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DayToDayGlobalShit · 21/03/2017 10:07

Haven't things changed recently though. In that the couple should each be moving forward to 'financial independence' asap. There is an equality at the outset allowing for a period of adjustment, such as training etc for sahp in order that they can then progress into work, and then they go their separate ways. Spousal is only awarded on a needs basis and no longer a joint lives thingy, unless in exceptional circs.