Spousal Maintenance

[NeedsAdvice2017]

Apologies in advance, but this is going to be a long one.

Have you thought about the next school? Living in London you know good senior schools are limited- it's very likely that heavily go private on your salaries - 40k a year plus trips,and uniforms Tec - I would lower the SM and up the childcare contributions.

My ex arms exactly the same as yours! £143k with 35-40% bonus

Pur situation differs because I am a SAHM and we have two children

I am receiving £1420 child maintenande and £1420 insppisal maintenance. The latter will drop when I return to work in two years (but not pound for pound as my childcare and travelling costs will be incorporated)

Sorry about typos

Oh and I get 40% of his bonus this year. Will drop significantly over coming years.

There is NO chance you will get what you want because oh earn a decent salary already, so don't waste your money fighting for it

Because "YOU" earn a decent salary I should say

However you are not being nearly as unreasonable as other posters are making pot.

The fact that you have no assets does pit a different slant on it because the mortgage you will be able to get is far far lower than your ex. This would be taken in to account by a court.

It's not about lifestyle anymore

It about need

OP I am not a lawyer and, as others have said, you do need legal advice.

I will say that, in the cases I know (3 post 2009 divorces) where spousal maintenance is high (30-50% of net earnings) the relationship between the former spouses is poor. In each of these cases there is bitterness and resentment that 10 or so years past divorce the paying spouse is working very hard in part to support the paid non-working spouse (one of whom is cohabiting and all of whom could work in some capacity). This combination of entitlement and resentment makes it hard for the spouses to have a half decent relationship and in reality the only people who really suffer are the children.
People are right when they talk about NEED. You are young - you have your whole life ahead of you and you and your STBX have to jointly bring up your little boy. So start by being fair now, not thinking about what you think you should be entitled to but about what you need to adequately house yourself and your son. Focus on that and in attempting to maintain some sort of civil relationship with your STBX - your son will be in his care 1/3 of the time...

Blinkyblink, you mention that your SM will drop after two years, but did you get it until the children are adults, or does it go away entirely after a period? You also mentioned your share of the bonus becoming less and less- is that for a set number of years? Finally, I am assuming you did pretty well in the split of assets? Sorry for so many questions, but as your ex earns almost exactly the same as mine, it seems like a good case for comparison.

Oh, and in terms of a mortgage, my ex argues that we don't have money for a mortgage now, so he isn't sure why he should be responsible for helping me save for one, as it is perfectly normal to rent in London. He said that if he were made to pay me so much spousal maintenance given our starting point (not much by way of net assets) neither of us would ever save enough for a downpayment, but I don't think that math adds up.

Stick with the mediation and legal advice, not the opinion of strangers on the internet.

Also - in a totally separate note - going for the stock which was awarded post-separation and is dependent on performance post-separation makes you seem grabby.
My advice to you is to consider not what you should get but what you and your son need - doing that will help things appear much more acceptable to your ex as well..

Thanks, heidiwine - that is good advice. Also, a lot of people are saying to get legal advice, and I obviously will. I do know a family lawyer, and his initial advice was that every case is so different that it is hard to make predictions, but we will sit down soon and go through it all. That said, I have used this site before, so I am interested in peoples' opinions, but also any experiences that people can share that are similar. But yes, everyone, I will definitely get legal advice, so don't worry about that.

Please do come back and update this thread when you have spoken to the solicitor.

You are utterly taking the piss, morally though I can't comment on legally.

His bonus that will be earned and paid out long after your divorce? You've got more front than Blackpool!

Go for your life looking for high CM to avoid a big difference in lifestyle between homes if you like. And definitely make sure there's a fair split on childcare costs, and future uni support. But spousal? Bloody hell.

Bottom line: you "married well", got lucky and now the gravy train just ended.

And you really have no pensions worth talking about when you're both higher rate tax payers? where has the money gone?!! Too much "lifestyle" not enough sense, maybe?

Speaking as a lay person with no legal training, just going by your posts, it strikes me that actually, neither of you could afford the lifestyle you enjoyed during your marriage, since you have accumulated debt.

Have you seen evidence of his pensions? CETV? A few years contributions when on a high salary adds up very quickly.

QuarterMile, yes, I have seen the CETV. The thing is that he only became a high earner in the past few years when he left a low paid job that he loved for a corporate job that paid like four times as much.

Needs
Same dh situation
But you and I very different. And that will affect things hugely.

1. I'm a SAHM and have been for 7 years
2. I have two children, one ore school
3. You are in a well paid job presumably with prospects (needless to say, benefits). I have squat all.

Sm will be reviewed periodically
Bonus share may only be for next couple of years

First thing you need to do is prepare a budget and expenditure of everything going forward. For you and your child. Every tiny little thing, haircuts, family Christmas presents, secondary school trips, absolutely everything. Go through your bank statements for the last six months, see where your money has gone.

Then, see where you can pare things back.

You need to get a pension sorted as you have no assets. You need life insurance and critical illness cover. A will. This all costs money. Get the figures in place now. Make sure you claim child benefit, you have the single persons reduction on council tax. Go on entitledto.com and check these things.

How are you going to pay for your old age?

What you do now will matter then so you've got to get it right. He'll get a company pension presumably, he'll be able to save from his lovely big salary. You won't.

It's far from being grabby. What's the statistic? Two-thirds of pensions living in poverty are divorced women?

The cost of living is rising. Maintenance payments are linked in to inflation. In effect you will get less as the cost of living increases. If mortgage rates go up, your rent could go up, your maintenance won't.

He'll be alright with his six figure salary, the shares and the bonuses. What you do now you need to get right.

Oh and your ex will have your child 30% of the time?

My ex has them 2 nights a month

I'm in Kent btw

Make sure you claim child benefit, you have the single persons reduction on council tax. Go on entitledto.com and check these things

Her own salary is 51k + bonus. She won't be entitled to child benefit. She is perfectly cabable of supporting herself.

She is perfectly capable I agree, but in London and making provision for the future? OP, you still needs to consider all possible options.

You could get 3k a month. I know someone who does. Then it goes to 1k once child is 18 until he retires at 65.

I think it's disgusting but it does happen.