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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Spousal Maintenance

154 replies

NeedsAdvice2017 · 17/03/2017 20:19

Apologies in advance, but this is going to be a long one.

OP posts:
noitsnotme · 17/03/2017 20:58

And I know you're in London, but how much per hour do you pay for childcare if your son is in school and you only need him watched a couple of hours per day? I paid £170 a month when mine was going to afterschool care, for 1.75 hours, five days per week. £650 seems outrageous.

DayToDayGlobalShit · 17/03/2017 21:00

Surely if your ds goes to uni at 18 then your ex dh can direct any payments straight to him if he wants to. Why would he continue to pay you whilst he is away at uni? I believe he only has to pay until 18 anyway. Although I could be wrong

Imaginingdragonsagain · 17/03/2017 21:01

I wonder if this is a wind up.

Spice22 · 17/03/2017 21:02

I hope it's a wind up because this is ridiculous. Talk about entitlement!

NeedsAdvice2017 · 17/03/2017 21:06

There is no wind up. People are talking about entitlement, but yes, I do feel sort of entitled to live a lifestyle in line with the life that we built together. I understand that people live on less than what I earned, but I thought that the lifestyle enjoyed during the marriage is one of the considerations when these things are decided. I know 3k a month sounds like a lot, but he earns a lot, so I don't understand why he shouldn't pay it. I know that it would end if I remarried, and I am sure he would petition to lower it if he did, but it doesn't seem outrageous at all to me.

OP posts:
SookiesSocks · 17/03/2017 21:10

You are ending a marriage which means you are ending any financial ties (apart from DS) and unless your earning potential has plummeted due to the marriage and child rearing you have no right to his wages.

You need to adapt your life style to fit in with what you earn.

Honeyandfizz · 17/03/2017 21:22

Gosh op you're right you do sound entitled.

Imaginingdragonsagain · 17/03/2017 21:24

But you're not married anymore. Why should you live the life he can afford? It's up to you now.

CremeEggThief · 17/03/2017 21:33

I get spousal maintenance of ... £85 a month, OP. My income is between £0 and £367.50 a week gross, term time only (supply teacher), after a long marriage, where I gave up full-time work and moved across the country, to facilitate XH's career. So I have to agree you are being very unrealistic and unreasonable.

Spice22 · 17/03/2017 21:35

Oh wow, so you're legit?
Erm your ex sounds very reasonable to me and you sound very greedy. The lifestyle you are used to is due to his earnings. Once the divorce finalises, his earnings are no longer yours - you look after yourself.
Also, you have no right to his £80k (I hope not anyway !)

So grabby 😒

Out2pasture · 17/03/2017 21:42

Over 10 years...you don't own, have little assets and accumulated debt.
Not quite sure that is a glowing endorsement for having a "lifestyle" to which you have become accustomed too.

Underthemoonlight · 17/03/2017 21:50

Your having a laugh no court would award this in a million years I doubt very much if you get anything but childcare and child
Maintenance. You have severed all ties included his earnings. You have no right to his future income. You sound like a gold digger out to get as much as you can.

There's genuine woman who are totally screwed over by their ex's husbands left with nothing who gave up careers to further theirs ex's careers looked after the DC and then there's you on a decent wage wanting him to fund not your dcs lifestyles but yours. Sorry but life doesn't work like that. Either work harder and get a better paid job or married someone else who's a high earner.

BakerBear · 17/03/2017 22:14

Your very funny op

awishes · 17/03/2017 22:41

If it helps to put things in perspective op I gave up my career for 10 years to raise our children, earning similar when we married, I went back to work (not career) earning a quarter of ex's salary, 20 year marriage, 2 children. We went to 3rd financial hearing awarded no maintenance for child doing A Levels, no spousal maintenance, no pension share but did get an additional 6% over the 50/50 split of assets. Clean break.
I realise everyone's situation is unique when divorcing but I do think you need to be more realistic.

TheNaze73 · 17/03/2017 22:46

Really??

RedastheRose · 17/03/2017 23:11

Take proper legal advice, the clean break provisions means that if your career or earnings have been affected by taking a career break to have your son then you will get more now than he does, if you don't have the capital now but he will get it then i think they order that it is to be paid in the future. But get proper legal advice from a solicitor who specialises in divorce. Btw the grounds for the divorce have no bearing on the financial settlement so it doesn't matter who petitioned and what the grounds were.

thisusernameisnotavailable · 17/03/2017 23:25

With your salary level I think he should pay towards not for your son. You earn enough to support yourself and are being greedy. I live in London, work full time and get 1750 after tax including a pittance payment from my ex. If I can live in a reasonable area on that then you can too

I think you're taking the piss to be honest and setting a bad example for your child

pollypeanuts · 17/03/2017 23:34

This is why I will never, ever get married.

WayWithWords · 17/03/2017 23:38

Wow OP, you're getting a total hiding here. I don't think you're being unreasonable.

Only the courts - or through mediation - will you be able to agree the exact amount, but I don't think it's unreasonable to expect some amount of spousal maintenance on top of child maintenance. You had what is classed as a long marriage (10 years), have a child together, he earns almost 3 x what you do, and you will be in sole charge of the child for most of the time. Plus you'll need to house 2 people in London, which is bloody expensive, while he'll only have to house 1 person (with room for your DC to stay a night or two per week I guess).

I don't think you'll be able to get money to cover childcare as well as spousal maintenance (it will probably be included in whatever child/spousal maintenance payments you agree) but yes, why should you shell out hundreds in childcare every month to enable you to work when he bears no such costs?

And to people not living in London, £650 pcm is not at all unreasonable for wraparound care, especially when you factor in commuting time. My wraparound care comes in at £800++ a month (for 2 kids) - and I only work 4 days per week. Don't forget this includes babysitters when you go out or need to work late etc, all costs that your ex presumably won't have to bear, or at least not to the same extent.

I don't know if you'll get all what you're asking for, but you're not being greedy in my view.

Arcadia · 17/03/2017 23:44

OP am family lawyer but you should definitely get proper legal advice IRL. I have scanned your original message and some responses which are are simply inaccurate. Finances on divorce are completely case specific so you need to get proper legal advice.

Voice0fReason · 17/03/2017 23:52

That's insane!
I highly doubt you'll get SM and quite right too.
You can support yourself. Both of you can support your son.

notapizzaeater · 18/03/2017 00:06

You need proper legal advice here - how much does the cms website say he should pay

rollonthesummer · 18/03/2017 00:14

Get legal advice. Then let us know what they say...

VimFuego101 · 18/03/2017 00:22

Just because 'he can afford to' doesn't mean it will be awarded. SM is not awarded just because people think they have a right to a certain lifestyle, it's given in certain exceptional cases where a spouse has given up their earning potential to support a partner's career. You are clearly capable of supporting yourself. Obviously any joint debts and assets should be divided fairly and child maintenance paid to support your child, but you are an adult and have a reasonable job.

ZombieApocalips · 18/03/2017 00:35

You need legal advice and to stop thinking that you are entitled to a similar standard of living that you had while married.
Spousal maintenance is normally for long-term SAHM etc. If you are able to get Spousal then it will probably be a fraction of the child maintenance - half of the childcare cost if you're lucky.