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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Changing your name or keeping married name?

35 replies

Apple1976 · 10/12/2016 13:55

Haven't decided what to do yet. What has everyone else done about their name?

I've had my surname for 13 years - think it would feel weird changing it but perhaps weirder to keep it. I didn't really like my maiden name so thinking I may just go for a new one totally. Maybe my mums maiden name!

Be interested to know what other people do 😁

OP posts:

crocodileshavenoears · 10/12/2016 14:01

I'm keeping my married name mainly because I like it much better than my maiden name. Might as well get to keep one positive thing (as well as the DCS ).

Phillipa12 · 10/12/2016 14:18

Im keeping my married name as i dont want a different surname to the dc, and tough if exh dosent like it!

ChicRock · 10/12/2016 14:21

I would want to keep the same surname as my DC.

rightsofwomen · 10/12/2016 22:56

I've gone back to my maiden name. I've used it professionally anyway so it's not such a big change. Kids are keeping ex's name.

My maiden name is much nicer IMO!

Orangebird69 · 10/12/2016 23:19

If I were to get divorced I'd keep my married name because it's my ds's surname.

PinkSquash · 10/12/2016 23:25

I'm going to double barrel my surname with my maiden name, I always wanted to do that when I got married bit STBXH didnt want me to

Disappointednomore · 11/12/2016 07:38

Keeping the name. Three reasons- I want to have the same surname as DD, I have had this name throughout my career and changing would be detrimental and lastly because this is who I am now and I don't wish to wipe out a third of my life.

Chasingsquirrels · 11/12/2016 08:29

I kept my married name, it's who I am.
I've since remarried but haven't changed my name on remarrying, so am still Mrs H1-surname (although I don't think of it as ex's surname I think of it as mine).

rightsofwomen · 11/12/2016 08:44

I actually don't want to be associated with my ex's name at all. He was abusive (still is)

jeaux90 · 11/12/2016 09:36

Interesting though, in France I understand you aren't allowed to keep your married name. When I got married I didn't even take his name, caused a bit of a family stink but saved on the paper work when we got divorced

Reality16 · 11/12/2016 09:51

I kept my married name when I divorced H1. We were young and no kids involved but i liked me name so kept it.

DiegeticMuch · 11/12/2016 16:40

It's your name now so if you like it, retain it.

The only problem I've come across is this: colleague kept her married name, ex husband quickly married his OW Susanna who changed her surname to his, and sometimes people who meet my colleague for the first time say, "Oh, are you related to Susanna [surname]?" which is still a bit painful for her.

nibblingfingernails · 11/12/2016 16:47

I'm struggling on this one as I want to stay the same surname as our DC plus it's an okay surname (well it was!!) - unfortunately my not so DH (now ex) had an affair (and is still with her) with a woman as the same name as me so if he marries her there will be two
Mrs X XX - the bastard

Janey369 · 12/12/2016 13:08

I've already changed back to Miss Maidenname by deed poll, I haven't even started divorce proceedings yet! Slightly different situation to OP as my children are from a previous relationship and so now we all match.
For me the choice was whose name do I want, my Dad's or DH's. My Dad was a wonderful man. My DH is a lying manipulative cheat

mrssapphirebright · 13/12/2016 10:01

I kept my exh's name, purely because its who i was for so long and couldn't face having to get used to my maiden name again.

Sammysamread34 · 22/12/2016 01:26

I'm also a little unsure tbh...going through divorce atm. I wanted to double barrel the dcs names so ur wouldn't be so different. Stbxh has told me very rudely, absolutely not. ..and doesn't want his children being associated with my family name ...er ok. Oh and he does not want me to (under any circumstances) keep his name, because I have 'sullied his father's name for long enough' . Bitter, much?!

So...the probability is that I'll go back to my maiden name, because to be totally honest, it's just not worth the grief from him. Even though it's tempting, just to p**s him off for being such a spiteful man. ..

KurlyWurly88 · 22/12/2016 01:28

I think your mums maiden name is a great idea!

ImLadybird · 22/12/2016 01:42

I went back to my maiden name. That was more important to me than having the same name as my DCs. Nobody minded. I love the idea of taking your mother's maiden name.

martinisandcake · 22/12/2016 01:55

I seperate from my husband last year and initially couldn't imagine changing my name back.

I started a new job six months ago and a friend advised me to use my maiden name, so if I did decide to change it I didn't have to explain anything (I didn't tell anyone at work about my divorce).

I now use both but am starting to sway back to my maiden name which surprised me, I thought not having the same name as my DC would feel terrible but it doesn't seem to matter so much anymore.

My ex is likely to marry his new partner so I think it may be weird for us all for there to be two Mrs Cakes

darkages · 24/12/2016 12:46

Like a previous poster I didn't change my name when I got married, so it was never an issue. It doesn't bother me at all not having the same name as the children - I never have had,
But they are still my children regardless of name. It matters more to some people than others and I can see their thinking. It's a minefield!

Spottytop1 · 24/12/2016 12:51

I still have my exH surname, I have considered changing it but I've had it for over 16 years and my dc have it.... but I don't like being called 'Mrs' Spotty as I'm not...I need to keep thinking about it....

Blobby10 · 03/01/2017 13:22

Interesting topic as my daughter brought this up with me over Christmas. Her dad and I are almost divorced but he introduced his new partner to kids at Christmas. Not sure what I will do - I'm already Ms Blobby rather than mrs Blobby and use my maiden name for work. I guess if Ex remarries then I will definitely change back as I couldn't cope with there being 2 Mrs Blobby but would like to keep same as children(ha - they're not really 'children' they are 20 18 and 16!!!!) for now.

scottishjo · 08/01/2017 10:12

I've kept my married name for now, so that it's the same as my younger dc (older kids have surname from first marriage). I've had it for 16 years so it feels more like my name than any other. Not completely decided though, I might change it eventually - his first ex-wife kept his surname too and when he marries again there will be another one. Feels weird that there will be three of us.

itsovernow1 · 08/01/2017 12:44

When OH and I finally divorce (in around 2 yrs) I will be reverting back to my maiden name. Both kids will be adults and won't care what I'm called. I've never 'felt' my married name, even though it's a normal one. Just prefer my maiden name.

rightsofwomen · 08/01/2017 22:11

I changed my name at the bank last week. FFS, you'd think I was the first person to have ever been divorced and gone back to maiden name.

I stood my ground and it was fine.

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