Ex filing for residency ..advice

[glitterwhip]

Hi I'm kinda new and I don't really have anyone else to ask from advice about this and is love to hear from some mums who've been through it
Anyway background I was with my ex for 12 years, we have 3 children...we split up 7 years ago
Currently I'm in a relationship with a wonderful guy and we are getting married in a week and also at the end of the month I'm moving to England..at the moment I'm in Northern Ireland
The relationship between my ex and I had not been great, a history of him maliciously contacting social services..they would come for a visit and ultimately just close the case
Now the latest thing is applying for residency 3 weeks before in due to move with my family
He's known for 6 months+ about this move as I sent him a letter via my solicitor outlining my plans and offering him alternative contact arrangements
Obviously I'm quite worried and I'm wondering should I be worried? Is there a chance he'll get residency of my children ..they are 16, 13 and 9

But you can't move until the application has been decided. You can't simply up sticks and go in three weeks. That's like giving the middle finger to the Judge.

Is there such a thing as a Specific Issue Order in NI. Your Solicitor should have been making an application to the Court for an Order for you to be able to take the children to the UK. You should have been proactive, not reactive.

This thread is really a lesson in why there's no point in trying to maintain contact with shit dads.

The OP would have been better off letting the kids' relationship with this deadbeat waste of space die.

Moose I was proactive ..I told him well in advance that I was moving..I went to a solicitor and asked for a letter to be sent to him outlining my plans and offering him new contact arrangements and inviting him to respond...he didn't! I carried on with my plans because this is a move that Iv been planning for almost 2 years ..I know I can't simply up sticks and move and that's not what Iv done at all

WannaBe
Nope sorry I don't buy that. You have to be resident at the address in the catchment area you are registering them, and you would have to provide a copy of the child benefit letter for that address in order to prove your residency there.'

Not always true Wannabe. My council processed our application for dds school place move from a different borough with no proof at all. I applied online for a mid year transfer after phoning them and they even sent the offer letter to the address in our old borough as the new rental wasn't ready yet.

OP I think you have caught some really unfair stick here. Unfortunately I think the courts are often quite unrealistic atm. Woman should remain utterly devoted to retaining their children's relationship with Dads (whow often don't deserve it), little recognition is given to the fact that livery moves on.

I wouldn't trust the information on here as much as your solicitor (and then not much). I've found the best way to get a clear picture from your solicitor is asking for "worst case scenario" " best case scenario" "which of the best case and worst case is most likely" and "what in your opinion is the most likely scenario" (those last two are very subtly but importantly different). This gives you a fair clearer idea of your overall position, the risks and the overall picture, because the solicitor is giving you a direct answer to a direct question. You may have to preface the question with obviously no one can predict the future, I certainly won't hold you to it and I appreciate it is just an opinion.

I would add Ime I haven't known as solicitor predict correctly yet.

Wow glitter I don't know why you have come under such an attack
I don't think any of us can guarantee you an outcome, but I would have thought the court would put a lot of emphasis on the wishes of your children given their ages.

I'm not really sure either tbh in my original post I deliberately didn't want to paint my ex in a bad light for fear of coming across like a bitter ex who's intentions are to prevent contact but it seems that's happened anyway
I'm not sure what I'll do if I'm not able to move..I'm really just preparing myself for the worst at this stage

I really hope the fact that your elder two want to move will be taken into consideration when weighing up what's best for your 9 year old.

Your ex sounds like an utter knob and it was very obvious from your OP that you were trying to be extremely fair

Glitterwhip, I'm going to chance a guess that he's done nothing until now as he hasn't needed to as from what you have posted you have proposed new contact arrangements and kept him up to date with the schools you have looked at and where you have enrolled them, but you haven't actually sought his written permission to remove them from NI! So he hasn't had to do anything as while you have been busy making plans and dreaming of your new life, you can't actually go until either he, or the court, grant you permission to move.

It would make more sense for your DP to move to NI for the next few years.
He is a lorry driver so won't be at home all the time anyway.
Surely the pay won't be drastically different.
At least until your 9 year old can make an informed decision.
I agree you are in a difficult situation but I question the desire to move 3 kids and 1 adult so far when your DP could just up sticks. He isn't in a particularly niche industry nor getting amazing tax breaks here.

I was told by a solicitor 2 years ago that I didn't need his permission..And to continue with my plans as I saw fit and that he would have to have some extremely good reasons why I couldn't move for example if my children were at risk of harm and/or neglect ...he's known for 2 years essentially..in March I detailed my plans for him and gave him and opportunity to respond.
There was absolutely nothing stopping him from filing for residency at any point within the 7 years we have been separated..considering the fact that he rang social services a number of times saying what a terrible mother I was for not having carpet ( my son has asthma so we find solid flooring helps) so despite his concerns he's not once expressed any desire to have the children live with him but quite happy for me to do all the parenting and wait until 3 weeks before the proposed move to take any action

So, this father, who couldn't even be bothered to turn up at court for the contact arrangements, who commits benefit fraud to avoid paying maintenance, and who has sat on the information that his children were leaving for 6 months is father of the year and the court will automatically grant him residency?! Bollocks.

OP, swanning in at the last minute claiming he is going to fight for residency is just another control tactic.

You have made reasonable provisions for contact, you have taken a measured approach to the move and have thought and planned it carefully.

What has he done to set himself up for his three teenagers moving in with him? Oh that's right. Fuck all. He's in a one bed flat for christs sake!

Yes, a relationship with their father is important. But he hasn't been fussed until now has he?

The needs of the child is paramount. It's what is in the best interests of the child, not the parent.

Good luck with your move and your new life.

I find this thread interesting. Years ago I posted here under my old name considering a move abroad. I had no partner but had been offered work in a nice area and a better lifestyle for the kids.

Like the op my ex wasn't paying and was seeing them once every month or two and wishy washy at that.

The advice on here was nearly all to go. Make a new life, you cannot force him to be interested etc.

I didn't go in the end. Interestingly we haven't seen him in person for at least six years. He has emailed once or twice a year and has never rang.

If your solicitor said he couldn't stop you then you should leave. He sounds more interested in upsetting your plans than being bothered about his children.

Trust me I am taking all the opinions on board ..I know it would probably seem to make more sense for my new partner to move but the company he's with at them moment trained him..basically put him through all his driving tests to get where he is so he's bound to stay with that company for a few years as part of the apprenticeship program and he's wanted to work for them since he could drive basically ..he's actually from Scotland so he's relocated himself to work for them ..he has a house that he's paying a mortgage on as well so it's not a simple case for either of us to just up sticks ..but I can see that it would be simpler and we did consider him living in the south of Ireland but he wasn't guaranteed the same kind of work he's doing now which he loves ..I know that doesn't really matter in regards to the children though I'm just putting it out there as some posters have asked why he can't move

I would certainly get a second legal opinion (in writing). I have seen residency being given to parent who remained in such cases and I have seen siblings split up. Have also seen families being forced to move back in cases of dv. Theoretically your ex could go to the highcourt for wardship if you are proposing to remove the children.
Simply going ahead with the move without leave from the court while court procedures are outstanding is really not a good idea and carries a significant risk of you loosing the children.

Madwoman I've said several times I'm aware I can't just move now ..but up until yesterday I had no reason why I couldn't move ..he'd not responded to my solicitors letter except to ask who was going to foot the bill for maintaining contact
I wasn't about to put my life on hold waiting for him to get his act together ..he's known for 2 years

You would think the law would be clear cut wouldn't you but obviously not. I think times have changed and many cases go the way of fathers these days, however useless they are, when in the past they didn't.

Well I for one, hope you do get to move with all of your children!

I'm usually all for keeping contact etc but your ex sounds like he's barely lifted a finger towards providing for his children up until now!

I'm sorry but I'm of the opinion that if you don't pay maintenance towards YOUR children then you have no right to a say in how or where they are brought up.

You can't have it both ways.

Omg some of you should be ashamed. OP sounds like a strong, sensible, educated woman who is devoted to her kids stability and happiness. The children's dad on the other hand sounds a bit deadbeat and it sounds as if the kids realise that. I too have facilitated a shared custody relationship for 6 years now with a hopeless excuse for a man. My eldest two stopped going to him at around 15 and now their relationship has broken down completely and they don't even speak. My youngest is 11 and has just yesterday received a message from his dad saying 'I'm leaving the area, love you lots' ( a bit more than that but that captures the gist).

I know I have done EVERYTHING to help, support and enable a co parenting arrangement for years now and without my input he'd have messed it up years ago.

Not all dads deserve shared contact. Some times mums DON'T need to consider there feelings. I truly believe this mum knows what's right for her children. In her shoes I'd go. Legally, I don't know the rules. Maybe she won't be successful. But emotionally and morally it sounds like she's doing EVERYTHING right and I wish her all the best.

**their ....argghhh (my least favourite typo!)

Rainbow I tend to agree about the maintenance thing ..my overall experience of him is that he's happy to see the children while leaving the bulk of the parenting down to me ..yet he still wants to be able to micromanage my life
Unfortunately the situation that I'm in I can't claim any maintenance as he's claiming benefits and working and there's no way of proving it really
Iv reported it to the csa or what used to be the csa but they couldn't do anything about it and obviously Iv said to my solicitor but I'm not sure how much the court will take into consideration seeing as i can't prove he's working

It would make me even angrier if I knew he was fiddling the system to avoid paying and yet was working on the sly!

I'd stop being nice parent if I were you and start fighting him! I'd make sure I tried as hard as I could to get proof.

Then again, I'm a bitch

I do have a solicitor..a different one from 2 years ago and I've never been told I need to seek his permission