Ex filing for residency ..advice

[glitterwhip]

Hi I'm kinda new and I don't really have anyone else to ask from advice about this and is love to hear from some mums who've been through it
Anyway background I was with my ex for 12 years, we have 3 children...we split up 7 years ago
Currently I'm in a relationship with a wonderful guy and we are getting married in a week and also at the end of the month I'm moving to England..at the moment I'm in Northern Ireland
The relationship between my ex and I had not been great, a history of him maliciously contacting social services..they would come for a visit and ultimately just close the case
Now the latest thing is applying for residency 3 weeks before in due to move with my family
He's known for 6 months+ about this move as I sent him a letter via my solicitor outlining my plans and offering him alternative contact arrangements
Obviously I'm quite worried and I'm wondering should I be worried? Is there a chance he'll get residency of my children ..they are 16, 13 and 9

I didn't need any of that stuff ..all i did was fill in a form from Halton council with their current address and proposed new address and that was all

If you go to England he will get residency. He can then go into a hostel with the kids until he is allocated suitable accomodation by the nihe.
In terms of schools they will get a place in the nearest available (suitable in terms of sector) school.

Not true wannabe. In my district we accept proof of purchase, tenancy and council tax as proof of address and then they are free to register their child at the catchment school providing spaces are available.

So your saying that regardless of anything Iv said he will get residency? Even if I'm providing a better quality of life,our own home, more choices,better schools, more facilities, a stable home with a parent and caring step parent..a judge will just fling them in a hostel until he gets another handout from the government?
Doesn't seem right does it somehow

Unless of course you have implied/lied that your children already live there? That won't play well in court! I'm with all those against the move. Sorry. Your children only get one Dad, however unimpressive he is, and anything that makes that relationship more difficult is hard to justify. I wouldn't have got into a relationship with someone under those circumstances.

You will need to apply for a court order to enable you to take them out of the country.

A judge may grant one, but it's not likely to happen in a week.

Iv not lied about anything at all
The form was specifically for people moving to the area
I phoned Halton borough council and they sent me the forms ..all I needed to do was provide their current address and proposed address and current school contact details so they could request information about the children's attendance etc

It's a council tax letter to prove residence. Not everyone gets child benefit these days.

Fwiw OP I had a friend who's situation was similar to yours who was allowed to move. However, it took time. If I were you I'd make plans to stay put for a bit longer. Most importantly seek some legal advice.

I hope you're granted permission. It sounds like a much better, stable and happy life for all of you.

Your council has very different rules from any I've dealt with. Do you honestly believe home ownership, 'more choices, better schools, more facilities' should be critical for who has custody? If your husband won the Lottery or decided he was moving somewhere better than you would you think it was fair to have to give them up to him?

Thank you eeksy..I do appreciate that

*ex

I think it does when you are looking at a man who's really done no parenting for 7 years ..lives in a flat..doesn't pay maintenance and hasn't done for the entire length of our separation
Waited 6 months before actually applying for any kind of residency order
To me it doesn't seem like someone who actually gives a toss

Glitter, I really wouldn't listen to the nonsense on here.

Your solicitor can't tell you if you will be allowed to remove the kids because such cases are very unpredictable.

My hunch is you'll succeed.

Mrsbertbibby I'm not all that sure which is why I asked for advice ..I do appreciate all the views though it's given me a lot to think about

Have your DCs spoken to him about why they would like to go?

What do they think about him asking for residency?

My two DCs are younger than your eldest two, but they'd be very vocal if their dad tried to obtain residency and he isn't as bad as yours sounds.

@MrsBertBibby Most people have refrained from telling her what the outcome will be because even her solicitor who has all the relevant information thinks it could go either way. You say the rest of us are talking nonsense and yet you declare a hunch?!
People have been critical of the basic premise of moving children a flight away from the non resident parent and rightly so. You say your new partner is a loving step-parent but the reality of holidaying with your partner's children is very different from living full time with them, for all concerned, and despite having been with your new partner for a long time you will only appreciate this fully when you are in that situation. It's not for nothing that so many fairy tales involve step-families!

I don't see how you can say their Dad has done no parenting for 7 years when he has his youngest every second weekend and the older children once a month? I hope it doesn't come to this, but you may find that, much as they love you, if older teenagers are happily settled somewhere, the chore of going to visit the other parent is off-putting for them when it comes to visiting you as well.
It may all be true and he may be a terrible Father and human being, but it sounds to me as if you are doing a lot of justifying your own choices that you would not be OK with if the positions were reversed.

They find it difficult to tell him what they want. He's not very easy communicate with and i get regular texts from my daughter when they are at his saying that my ex telling my son to say he doesn't want to go etc

He's done no parenting because firstly when the children are at his I provide all their clothes for the weekend, he's often asked me for money etc for the weekend he has them, he used to have the children every Wednesday also ( he now doesn't bother) he never bothered getting their homework done ..for a few years my 16 year old was a school refuser due to bullying as you can imagine this was horrendous ..anytime if ask him for help his response 'I can't deal wit that' ...that's exactly why I can say he's done no patently

I'm justifying my choices because I'm being forced to..people are coming to their own conclusions about my choices so surely I should be allowed to set that straight

Good luck. There are so many red flags as to why he won't be a decent resident parent. I'm surprised so many people are having a go at you for what sounds like a considered move for your family.

Well that will all strengthen your case and if the older kids are clear they want to go then that will too.
It's still not something I'd do though, but my experience of a similar situation was as the child, not the adult so I probably have a different perspective.

Thank you ..I do appreciate the different perspective and that's why Iv taken so long in making the decision I have ..I have listened to what the children want, spent time in the area, visiting schools etc
The last thing I want is to seem like I'm ripping the children out of their adoring fathers arms because that's simply not the case...iv sent him numerous letters outlining my plans, asking him his opinions and feedback and offering him new contact arrangements which were generous..I got nothing except asking who was going to be paying to facilitate the contact ..I literally heard nothing from him regarding any concerns he had for 6 months until this morning, 3 weeks before the move

I have no idea of your chances but can totally see why you would like to move.

If you're not allowed to move, what next? Would you continue to live apart from your DP or would he move to NI? Couldn't he find a lorry driver job there? Even if the pay is lower, surely you would still be better off due to sharing a house, no cost of flights to and fro, etc.?

I'm getting a bit upset on the behalf. I am the child of divorced parents where my resident parent (mum) tried to maintain a relationship with my father (who lived in another country) - I'll just state that at one point he moved to the same country as us with a new wife but refused to see me as didn't suit his new set up. The idea that a resident parent is responsible for making the other parent be a parent is unfair and frankly crazy. I am well aware that there are resident parents who do use their control of the children to upset the other parent - maybe to punish them or because they enjoy the upset it causes or because they have moved on and it doesn't suit their life to consider the other parent - and I imagine the posters here arguing that she shouldn't move is thinking of those kind of scenarios but assuming the details given on the dad in this scenario are accurate and balanced - he doesn't come across to me as someone who has invested much in his kids and I don't see why the OP should pick up the slack for him. If I was this dad I would: 1) PAY for my kids because you know they are my kids and that part of my responsibility 2) have a home for them 3) see them every week if not every day - but once a month? and every 2 weeks? who does that? - once separated from the OP this guy seems to have abdicated much of his responsibilities and role as parent but still wants the respect and rights afforded him as their parent - my dad was actually the same. He never paid a penny in maintenance, he never asked for regular and regulated contact, he didn't want to be consulted about my life - schools etc his response to my mum was 'up to you' - but he refused to allow me to call my step dad 'dad' (as well as him) even though my mum married my dad when I was 5 and he did pay for me, took me to Brownies, sat with me in A&E etc because he was my father and he had his 'rights'. I have every sympathy for parents who are lovingly engaged in their children who are messed around by resident parents esp for no good reason but in this case the idea that this woman should give up even more for her kids for the sole reason to benefit someone who doesn't want to give up anything is ludicrous and so unfair. I agree it is not about jobs, houses, money etc its about being actually in your kids life - she is and he isn't - OP - best of luck with your new life in England - DO IT - you have sacrificed enough.