Ex filing for residency ..advice

[glitterwhip]

Hi I'm kinda new and I don't really have anyone else to ask from advice about this and is love to hear from some mums who've been through it
Anyway background I was with my ex for 12 years, we have 3 children...we split up 7 years ago
Currently I'm in a relationship with a wonderful guy and we are getting married in a week and also at the end of the month I'm moving to England..at the moment I'm in Northern Ireland
The relationship between my ex and I had not been great, a history of him maliciously contacting social services..they would come for a visit and ultimately just close the case
Now the latest thing is applying for residency 3 weeks before in due to move with my family
He's known for 6 months+ about this move as I sent him a letter via my solicitor outlining my plans and offering him alternative contact arrangements
Obviously I'm quite worried and I'm wondering should I be worried? Is there a chance he'll get residency of my children ..they are 16, 13 and 9

Listen to Wannabe, just right, children first I'm afraid, not your happiness alone.

I would doubt that your children can move with you unless your ex consents. NI is a different jurisdiction from England and the de Hague convention applies.
That means you can't remove the children from the jurisdiction without the other parents consent for more than a short holiday. This is usually fairly rigid.

Good point madwoman. I was thinking of the distance rather than the legal situation of moving a child to another country.

If you were to move from the north east of England to Cornwall you have a chance depending on circumstances.
This is different.
You will have to choose between your children and your partner - or he has to move to NI.

In my job I actually meet a considerable number of couples / families who live in different countries quite happily. I cannot see why you need to move 3 children to another country from one they are born and have spent all their lives in. It just smacks of them not being a consideration whatsoever and you do see this often in this group. I hope you make the right decision and leave the children where they are.

Strange that he's applied for residency rather than a prohibitive steps order or do they not exist in NI?

I also agree with Wannabe and if I were your ex I'd be doing the same thing.

I think it's wrong and unfair to move your children so far away from their other parent when they have a good and regular relationship with them.

He does not need a prohibitive steps. Op can not legally remove the children permanently from the jurisdiction without consent so if she leaves he gets residency.

I think the op is getting a hard time. It sounds like she has given this YEARS of thought, has discussed it at length with her children, taken their thoughts and feelings into serious consideration, taken them to the new place and LISTENED to what they want. They WANT to move. The older two will have exactly the same amount of contact as they do now when they can see their dad whenever they want to.... They have already chosen to see him once a month. The younger one sees him every two weeks, but wants to move...

The op has said that the children will have a better quality of life, they will have an aunt and cousins nearby and regular contact will be maintained and funded by the op.

I agree that the ex is just putting an oar in to make trouble. He has had six months to make his feelings known. He waited until three weeks before? He has never paid maintenance and the op has been the one to ensure contact? He didn't even bother his arse to attend contact hearings on two separate occasions.

This is not the story of some doting father fighting tooth and nail. It's the story of a not that fussed father making some sort of final curtain point. Nothing the op has described makes it sound like he's that bothered tbh. My children? I'd have been blocking this move with everything I had from day ONE. He hasn't - because he isn't really that arsed.

I think this move is the right thing op, as long as you keep to your proposed contact plans, which are good!

It has nothing to do with anyone getting a hard time. In cases of parental seperation there are clear international laws in place that prevent one parent to remove the children from their place of habitual residence. These laws can protect children and be used in cases of child abduction - on the other hand they can be used or be perceived to be used to control the other parent (usually the mother)

Been through this. Ex wife of DH decided she was moving kids abroad to live with her new husband who lived overseas for financial reasons only. (He could easily work here but would have to pay tax/NI.) DH sees DSC EOW . She suggested Skype would be adequate replacement along with 4 visits a year. ( doesn't help that she is quite unhinged) ... DH refused permission. She made application to leave jurisdiction. Did a huge job on the kids, took them there on holiday, sold it as paradise on earth...CAFCASS report done where children's views sought. Unsurprisingly report came back recommending she be allowed to leave with them. On the grounds she would be so upset not to go, that the children wanted mum to be happy . Very surprisingly judge disagreed. ( they normally go with CAFCASS ) application refused. We self represented . She paid Barrister and solicitor total cost £14000. She remains in uk he still loves his tax free income more than living with his wife...

OP. How did you go to court for a contact order ? You are already the resident parent with care and already have contact. A NRP cannot be forced or court ordered to see their children. Can you explain ? It is the NRP that applies and gets the order AGAINST you , to order you to 'make the children available'

Thanks for all your opinions and I do take all the points on board
As far as I'm aware legally Northern Ireland is part of the U.K....it's not considered to be abroad so the same laws don't apply there

He doesn't have a fantastic relationship with the children but I have made every effort to maintain one..and continue and will continue to do so even though my eldest roll their eyes and say they don't want to go on his weekend
I understand maintaining it at that distance will not be easy but it's not impossible

All the more reason not to go. For all your good intentions you are thinking about your 'lifestyle' rather than your children's right to see their father. If their relationship is already poor, moving them away will not improve matters.

I went to a solicitor and wanted court directed contact arrangements made because my ex and I had a quite difficult break up and communication was virtually impossible ..I also had a non molestation order in place ..he was to appear in court to agree to the arrangement..he never showed up ..it was 7 years ago I don't know the racy details

Marylin, it must have been such a relief that the judge saw through all the amazing things the children were told would happen if they were happy to move.

It's scary that some people get away with it when it's in the interest of one parent and not the child.

I'm not thinking about lifestyle at all ..I think that's quite unfair actually ..if it was solely based on lifestyle or my wants and needs I'd have left 5 years ago and not bothered taking anyone's feelings into consideration

Racy details? Sorry that was meant to say exact details

NI is part of the uk but is a different jurisdiction. England has the Chidren Act 1989 while NI has the Children (NI) Order 1995.
It always has been a different jurisdiction since NI has been created.

Just to point out to those who seem to think my only reason for moving is that my partner has some cushy number and it's all about money/lifestyle etc ..he's actually a lorry driver but at the moment the company he works for have no base here in n.i and it pays the best..it's not about money or lifestyle at all ..he's not living tax free abroad and I need to join him or I'll be devastated as was the case in another posters response ..not even close ..iv actually held off for years to allow my 16 year old to finish school etc
This is not a whim in order to separate these children from their father

Yes and I do know that you do not want to hear any of this. However in this scenario you would need leave of the court to move your children. This has very little to do with your reasons as to why you want to do this and is completely different from normal residency applications.
You are highly unlikely to be able to move with your children unless your ex consents.

Well I know I need to wait for a decision ..I'm aware of that ..that wasn't my original question wasn't if he need his consent it was what are his chances of getting residency ..considering the fact that it's the start of August already and the children have been accepted into new schools and he doesn't seem to have made any provision for what will happen if he is granted residency..I mean he's still in a 1 bedroom flat with no job, and the children aren't registered at schools here anymore ..my question was how likely is it that a court will grant him residency

The children can't have been accepted into new schools as they don't live in the catchment for those schools yet.

They are registered at schools ..because we have an address there that the children will be moving to

Nope sorry I don't buy that. You have to be resident at the address in the catchment area you are registering them, and you would have to provide a copy of the child benefit letter for that address in order to prove your residency there.

Lol I must have imagined the 2 acceptance letters and school visits and dates for their inductions then