Some positive aspects of being a single parent....

[sliceofcake]

DH and I separating amicably but still incredibly sad and feeling like a failure.
I need some positive tales of how this will be ok, and that I can cope with being on my own with two DC's. At the moment I am struggling to see past the sadness and to the future.

Like me Julia, you're still living in the house. I think that makes it harder to 'move on.' I've been chucking out/selling/up cycling a lot of stuff that has bad memories attached!

There are times when I wish I had sold the house and started afresh. It would have given me a great opportunity to sort through everything once and for all.

But I didn't sell for two reasons: firstly I would have wasted a huge amount of money on stamp duty, selling fees and solicitors and also in doing so I would have given my ex an opportunity to ask for his equity back. And secondly, moving is stressful. Moving when you don't particularly want to, with 2 preschoolers into a house where you don't know the history, neighbours or area seemed like a step too far. The cost of even just redecorating a house, let alone making it secure and homely can be very expensive and money is tight post divorce!

I have always taken the view that if the children are happy, I'm happy and visa versa. They love our house, their bedrooms and the memories we've made so far. We even still have family photos up to remind them that their daddy is an important part of their lives.

But I know when I'm ready, everything will be boxed up and put away until I'm ready to tell the children about it one day.

In the meantime I'm just a Milf with a house ;-)

Haha milf! That's quite an offensive way of describing yourself! Yes it's true that I haven't wanted to uproot myself for security reasons too.

Well, thought I'd pop back to update you all on some of my own positive moments, some mean more than others but if you add them up they all count!
House is calmer
I can watch what I want on TV
Spending more time with DC's as all jobs are done when on my own
Become super organised
Actual free time for myself, which is taking a bit of getting used to!
Peace and quiet occasionally
I an decide what to do with the DCs when I have them
We can snug in bed on Saturdays and watch TV together
There is no complaining or atmosphere in the house
No one tells me what to do or expects me to do things for them
There is a sense of excitement at my new future being unknown
True friends have been there with kind words and thoughts
I feel strong and proud of myself for making the right decision

So glad there are so many positive stories and that they have helped others in the same situation :-)

I'm reading this through copious tears & snot & feeling a little bit better (I think). DH left 2 days ago, packed his stuff today. Me & the DC are moving house in less than a fortnight. I know I should start my own thread really. Sorry.

It does get better Chuck, I promise, look at all the positive stories we've shared on this thread. You aren't on your own x

Thank you. I am trying to tell myself that this is the worst bit & it will get better, just feeling completely overwhelmed. Although I have finally stopped shaking like a cold chihuahua, must've been the release from all that crying!

Hang in there, post on here if you feel down. You will get through this, for yourself and your DC's, be strong for them x

Thanks again. I don't want to bring down such a positive thread with my weeping & wailing though!

Personally I think life as a single parent depends on your ex (if you have one.) In my case, my ex is d-readful so my life as a lone parent is dreadful at the moment because he's making it so. A word of warning in your jubilant early days- be clever re: your ex!

I'm going through exactly the same at the moment and I can so very much understand how you are feeling, sliceofcake. You seem to be one month ahead of me and it's quite calming to see how well you seem to be doing. I separated from my husband in the middle of November, we told our three sons at the beginning of december and he finally moved out two weeks ago. This weekend is his first alone with the kids. The past months before our break-up and ever since have been awfully hard for me and even if I know that I can cope quite well without him, I am totally confused, worn out and sad, of course. It feels as if was stepping from one marathon into the next. One day is fine, the next seems to be unmanageable... But reading how well you are doing lets me feel quite confident...

Thought I should add an update - it's been a week since he left. I think I was in shock for the first few days - shaky, having panic attacks, bursting into uncontrollable tears, couldn't eat or sleep - and it was a mutual, not at all unexpected decision. I think I've turned a corner now. There is still sadness, especially when I see him, but also sense of calm & acceptance. This is how it is, I can & will cope. I'm even starting to get some hope & excitement for the future (when the guilt doesn't get in the way); I'm going to make a lovely home for my boys & a life for myself. Everything is different, but not broken. I hope this helps anyone going through a similar experience

Good way of thinking about it, different not broken!
I saw a good quote the other day, and it really struck home so maybe it will help us on here -
Every day may not be good, but there is something good in every day