Hi dads,
Just another pointless start to another pointless week in paradise, so I thought I'd sit on my arse and do nothing until I can figure out what to do with myself. Probably wander out to say hello to the pigeons or something, before masking up sufficiently to 'be dad' for one of my weekly visits to my kids this evening.
Sometimes posts from 'mumsnet' come up when I search for non-perverse things (usually to do with mental health matters, along the lines of justifying my existence) so I thought I'd see if there's a dad's version...and there is, so here I am.
I don't do much to reach out to other dads, to be honest. I've been to Andy's Man Club a few times, went along to a few 'Dad's domain' evening drop-in chats after relocating to live nearer to my kids, and usually find myself having something in common with other guys who have kids, for example at church. But otherwise it's the usual slog of pretending that I'm fine - talk about sport, women, cars, and try not to get too drunk.
Usual working class upbringing - managed to avoid drugs somehow, and got this far, going grey and on the verge of turning 40, doing basic minimum wage stuff, usually doing whatever the Jobcentre or employment agency tells me to do.
I'm the usual waste of space. Soul-sucked, spirit-crushed by matriarchy; unemployed lodger, divorced 'deadbeat' dad of two (who live with their mum because I'm too stupid to provide for them) and probably 'mad' (subject to the NHS waiting list). Oh yeah, and I take comfort in Monty Python, hence the username, for those in the know.
I do love my kids: presently a primary school-aged boy and girl. Currently I see them a few times a week. Have a smiling photo of them in my room and on my phone screen to remind me of what matters in life, and helps to put some of the worst temptations in life (usually something to do with sex) in perspective.
'Technically' managed to avoid an affair during marriage (if you omit one night stands, which I told my dear wife about) but I've been suicidal, in psychiatric care and I'm far from getting better. But ultimately I keep going because of my kids, as I know that it would be hard for them to recover from losing me as they continue to grow in body, mind and spirit, and we develop a unique familial bond.
I'm a kind of 'amateur writer', or 'wordsmith', I guess you could say. I've got a 'poetic mind' and I've somehow managed to retain a love of humanity, whilst being cursed with a functioning brain, though it's taken a battering before, during and after a 12 year marriage that took its toll on my cynical, impulsive instinct to just say "f* it". Maybe I can get an income out of the old grey matter one day, before dementia sets in and it leaves me for good. Who knows?
I've done a variety of 'jobs' - all legal and above board - including stuff which is usually seen as meaningful, like caring for others.
I've been tapping this pathetic introduction out for about an hour so I might go for a cry now, which helps me to remember that I'm still human. I've been through a lot.
Hi dads. Sorry for writing.
Somebody's dad
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