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Original poster

Help with false maintenance claims

86 replies

Mixedupparent · 19/04/2025 09:15

I need help desperately. My ex has made a false claim to child maintenance. She made a phone call, told a lot of false information and they just believed what she said..no evidence or proof required. As I have a high paid job she did it purely to line her own pocket. I am my sons main care giver. My son spends most overnights with me. I am the one spends time with him. Feeds him, spends quality time with him. I have him xtra nights due his mothers busy schedule..I tried to tell CMS that the information she provided is false.. bt apparently this doesn't matter..I'm the one pays my sons childminding. School bills and all expenses related to his upbringing. I have to pay the money direct as the mother cannot be trusted to pay it if i send the money to her. Which I proved..I sent sooo much proof to back up my situation and trying to prove that my sons mother never has him..he is always with me. Bt they took no notice of this and told me I've to pay her money directly out of my wages. She is laughing as she wil spend that money and my sons bills will all go unpaid and I will have to pay them anyway..while she uses my money for her lifestyle. Please help me. What should I do..I love my son..I am a good father. I've always been a good father..I am not an absent father..I need help.. what can I do...

OP posts:
Original poster
Mixedupparent · 21/04/2025 23:23

andtheworldrollson · 21/04/2025 15:50

long term if you are the primary care giver - yes it will always be harder for a man to convince authorities- live to a less as hoc arrangement and start collecting more evidence - keep a diary and contest. Apply for CMS from her.

I have been keeping diaries of my nights and additional nights from 2022. I also told them we've always had a private agreement. As my son is near 11 and she just took it upon herself to ring the CMS and tell them lies..

OP posts:
Original poster
Mixedupparent · 21/04/2025 23:32

RedHelenB · 21/04/2025 22:27

The solution is to go to court. Then the overnights are clear and the amount of CMS due will.reflect this.
What you can't do is to expect that the system changes. Under CMS rules, the money goes directly to the resident parent You don't get to say I'm paying that bill and that clothing. You're welcome to pay them of course, but you can't deduct them from the amount you've been deemed liable to pay.

Hiya. Thanks for ur feedback. Yes I think we will have to go to court. As she has put in a false claim. Sorry for eg in the last 2 weeks I have had my son 11nights. He was returned to his mum for her to spend time with him and he spent one day to 9pm with her boyfriend and the other to 9pm with a different family member. It's myself feeds him. Buys him clothes. Spends all the quality time with him. Pays the childminding. Pays the school dinners. Football. Tutoring and everything he attends and if he needs uniforms. Football kits. Runners. Shoes I pay for everything . So she has never ever had any reason to approach the CMS to place a claim. Because number one she barely sees her son. Never spends time with him. Never Pays any of his bills. Any money she was given to pay his bills she spent it on herself. So I'd to take over paying everything as I could bt trusted to do so.. so in February for no reason she wrnt to the CMS and said eh I have my son X amounts of nights. My ex earns x amount. How much would I get if I put a claim in..they told her an amount. She saw pound signs and she placed this false claim with no reason or legal reason. She provided no proof or evidence to back her claim up. They just took her word. This blows my mind. As nthing she said was true

OP posts:
Original poster
Mixedupparent · 21/04/2025 23:39

No3392 · 21/04/2025 22:05

My MP helped with my CMS case. Raised a complaint and it was sorted within a month.

But I'm not sure what is going on here, you're flitting between being the dad and the Gf/wife.

I would never even have thought of an MP. I wil let my solicitor try first. If she doesn't sign anything or agree or tell the truth I will have to send a court order.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mixedupparent · 21/04/2025 23:52

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 21/04/2025 22:24

Your heart goes out to whom?

You need to quote people when you're replying, as your thread doesn't make sense otherwise.

Click on the Quote button, which is under each post.

Show quote history

Sorry I have never used it before . So I was trying my best

OP posts:
Original poster
Mixedupparent · 21/04/2025 23:53

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 21/04/2025 22:25

Eh? Who opened what for you?

I'm not surprised to hear that CMS are rejecting your evidence. You're very unclear when you post.

Show quote history

Sorry I wasn't sure how to reply to people. So that's why it looks all messed up. Was trying my best. Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Mixedupparent · 21/04/2025 23:56

heddy007 · 21/04/2025 16:11

@Mixedupparent
I have the exact same problem but the other way around, i am the parent my child lives with me 24/7 yet my ex husband told loads of lies that gets him out of paying me a penny, i’ve appealed, i’ve written complaints, i’ve asked for a mandatory reconsideration, so many times yet nobody listens.
it’s insane how these matters are not looked into thoroughly.
OP I would withhold the necessary monies and wait until you are taken to court, the judge will listen to each side fairly, CMS are a waste of time, they are worst than useless, i’ve been fighting them and my ex for nearly 10 years, arrears just build up from years ago yet are never paid to me, i’ve now given up, there is only so much fighting i can take, i feel exhausted and can’t take any more.

It's a sorry state of affairs when one parent uses and abuses a system that is there to help ppl

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 21/04/2025 23:59

Stop paying for things she will have to

ARichtGoodDram · 22/04/2025 06:24

See i never ever wanted the CB..and because we split the nights 7each every fortnight. I just told her to claim it. As I never wanted it.. I've provided for my son his whole life for near 11years. Paying more than half of all his bills and having him more than the 7nights I am meant to every 2wks . I never saw myself in this position because I thought doing all that was enough.. turns out it isn't.

It's fine to say you didn't want it, but you now need to claim it if you want to sort the situation out.

There is no point messing around with solicitors letters and the likes when what you have to do is claim the CB - the will, when investigating a rival claim, look into who pays the childminder, who takes the child to the dentist etc. If your evidence stacks up as you say they'll then transfer it to you and that will sort CMS out

Take the emotion out of it (which is difficult understandably) and deal with the fact that CMS are a blunt tool. CB or a court order are necessary so sort one of those to deal with it.

If they're at the point of DEO either of those should have been sorted already to deal with the situation. They are the only things that will fix it.

Original poster
Mixedupparent · 22/04/2025 08:44

TheFormidableMrsC · 21/04/2025 18:31

Also, stop paying all the extra things. That comes out of maintenance. You need to grow a pair here, she’s walking all over you.

Show quote history

You are absolutely correct . She is.. but if I don't pay these bills they won't get paid at all. Which i have told the CMS and sent proof backing this up as everytime she has been sent the money and told to pay everything she spends it on herself n I end up paying the bills also..

OP posts:
Original poster
Mixedupparent · 22/04/2025 08:48

ARichtGoodDram · 22/04/2025 06:24

See i never ever wanted the CB..and because we split the nights 7each every fortnight. I just told her to claim it. As I never wanted it.. I've provided for my son his whole life for near 11years. Paying more than half of all his bills and having him more than the 7nights I am meant to every 2wks . I never saw myself in this position because I thought doing all that was enough.. turns out it isn't.

It's fine to say you didn't want it, but you now need to claim it if you want to sort the situation out.

There is no point messing around with solicitors letters and the likes when what you have to do is claim the CB - the will, when investigating a rival claim, look into who pays the childminder, who takes the child to the dentist etc. If your evidence stacks up as you say they'll then transfer it to you and that will sort CMS out

Take the emotion out of it (which is difficult understandably) and deal with the fact that CMS are a blunt tool. CB or a court order are necessary so sort one of those to deal with it.

If they're at the point of DEO either of those should have been sorted already to deal with the situation. They are the only things that will fix it.

Thank you. I appreciate your advice .it all makes sense.. it is also hard to remove the emotion out of it as I'm trying to make the decision were my son is least affected..but she has backed me into a corner with her lies and I know if the cash is given to her nothing will be paid.. so u r right I am going to have to grow a set and play her at her own game..unfortunately.. it didn't need to come to this. But you are right..

OP posts:
cloudyblueglass · 27/06/2025 16:26

You’re either going to have to live with it, tell her to have him full time, or take it to court.

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