Help with false maintenance claims

[Mixedupparent]

I need help desperately. My ex has made a false claim to child maintenance. She made a phone call, told a lot of false information and they just believed what she said..no evidence or proof required. As I have a high paid job she did it purely to line her own pocket. I am my sons main care giver. My son spends most overnights with me. I am the one spends time with him. Feeds him, spends quality time with him. I have him xtra nights due his mothers busy schedule..I tried to tell CMS that the information she provided is false.. bt apparently this doesn't matter..I'm the one pays my sons childminding. School bills and all expenses related to his upbringing. I have to pay the money direct as the mother cannot be trusted to pay it if i send the money to her. Which I proved..I sent sooo much proof to back up my situation and trying to prove that my sons mother never has him..he is always with me. Bt they took no notice of this and told me I've to pay her money directly out of my wages. She is laughing as she wil spend that money and my sons bills will all go unpaid and I will have to pay them anyway..while she uses my money for her lifestyle. Please help me. What should I do..I love my son..I am a good father. I've always been a good father..I am not an absent father..I need help.. what can I do...

You seem to have changed from the father to the father’s wife/girlfriend…..

CMS use the child benefit as the basis as to who is the resident parent.

You need to apply for the CB and then when it's contested they'll take your proof as to who is financially responsible for the child.

Formalising it with a court order is also a good idea

CMS can't use emails or texts messages with various days agreed because that's easily faked and doesn't represent a firm situation. If the children arrangements are so fluid then there will be doubt. You can expect CMS to go through months of text messages trying to work out how many nights a week over a year you have the child overnight.

What you needed to know was the proof provided by your ex. I assume it was her child benefit claim. If so this is accepted as proof of primary residence.

If the child is young, and it seems pre school then apply to court. As someone mentioned previously the current setup will be assessed by the court, likely using CAFCASS and they will seek evidence. However they will also determine what is in the best interests of the child.

Once a judge determines this you will get an arrangement order which will the paperwork proof that CMS are looking for.

Just apply to court, you can do it yourself of go through a solicitor. Get it done as informal child arrangements can't work if parents are not amicable.

Yes I noticed that too.

Lol aye thanks for ur help

My wife opened it for me to talk on here with anyone going through the same thing.. as I am going out of my mind.. I have rared my son his whole life. Provided for him. Pay all his bills and I have him over 50% of the time.. My ex has given false information to the CMS and no matter what I try to submit to them they refuse . I don't know what to do.. sorry I am at my wits end.. whoever is sending the message for me isn't the issue.. I just need ur help

Hiya. It varies.. from last Friday I had him Fri, Saturday, Sunday, Monday. He was returned to his mother on Tuesday and she handed him to a childminder to 9pm at night.. he was given back to me on Wednesday stayed with me Wed nite. Thurs and Thursday night and all day Friday he was meant to be returned to his mum on Friday morning bt she was unavailable so i kept him. She asked me to drop him off and when I did she wasn't there he was being taken to her boyfriends house to stay there. This happens more often than not.. I've had to keep a calendar and diary for my solicitor. It is so hard as I am trying to get them to believe me and the CMS seem to just believe her word..

I was trying to avoid going down the court route as my son is 10 and I thought court would make it awkward for us all to co parent. Bt what she is doing right now is very unfair on a father that is there for their child and also provides for their child. Not all fathers are absent...bt the law doesn't seem to see that or want to believe it.

Thank you. I really appreciate your feedback. The agreement would be our son would spend half the wk with his mother and half the week with his father. So it's 7nights with me out of 14.. my nites never ever change as I am the only consistent in my sons life. Bt on the nights he is meant to be with his mother she may ask me to have him. Which I do.. or I find out he has been at numerous other houses until aftr 9pm at night. I have told her not to do this as my son needs to have routine. Stability. A bedtime and safe space..and does not need to be in all these houses. Bt she ignores my requests. I have sent 2 solicitor letters to her bt she just will not sign it. As she knows it will affect her money.. she does not have our child's best interests at heart. She sees him as a cash cow sadly.

How would a court order which clearly sets out the rules and boundaries be more awkward than the current situation which evidently isn’t working? Go to court and get residency sorted.

I think if I take her to court she wil act wildly offended. Play the victim and I fear a court would believe her lies and side with her and then my son will be sent from house to house instead of given to me like normal
.I know its hard for you to understand. Bt currently the situation is awkward for ME. She is happy when she is getting her own way and I get my son as much as I can if I let her get her own way. If I take HER to court. Then this is NOT her getting her own way... I don't want my son punished for this..

Where is the new dads forum....

I am happy for her to keep the child benefit ..I don't want it..I don't want anything from her and when I have my son in my care for numerous nights I don't want anything from her financially. I just want left alone to raise my son and provide for him in every way without this woman tormenting me and using the CMS as ways to line her pocket. Without giving our son a 2nd thought.. he doesn't cross her mind. If he isnt with me he is sitting in other people's houses to 9pm at night. No meals with his mum. No time with his mum. She just is not maternal at all..

If he goes to childminder why are you paying school dinners? Is he going to childminder or school? Also are not school dinners free? This sounds like a troll, another dad trying not yo pay CM ...

My heart goes out to u. I've exhausted with it all..I love my son..I want to do right by him..I don't have the energy to fight her lies every step of the way .

My MP helped with my CMS case. Raised a complaint and it was sorted within a month.

But I'm not sure what is going on here, you're flitting between being the dad and the Gf/wife.

I actually have diaries from 2022. Broke down into months. How many nights i have my son. Every wk. With notes beside each day saying " text received at 4pm asking do I mind keeping my son an extra nite. I've been doing this from 2022. As I provide it all to my solicitor for it to be kept in my records. The CMS said I've no proof that all these dates and nites I've said my son is with me are right. I said I have correspondence bt obviously u won't accept it bt I do have it..I asked what proof did my ex have to give you to put her claim in. I said the information she has given u is false and purely ro get money and they said to me unfortunately she has made the claim and if she isn't telling rhw truth can u prove it. I said yes and everything I used to prove it they rejected. I'm going round in circles..

I am the father. I appreciate your help. My wife set it up for me so I could chat to people and get their advice.bt I am the father. And everything I've said is what my issue is..

Pay everything through the bank to ex and childminder dinners etc then you have bank statements as proof that she isn’t using your money for the child.

You should know that even in a 50/50 cases (which seems to be the 'official' case here if not the reality) If you have a large income disparity then she would still be due maintenance.

Not saying it's right or fair in your case. Do you know if she is claiming 50/50 or majority care?

It does seem stupid. 50/50 arrangements are pretty common now and if only one parent can claim cb then theres nothing stopping them lying about how much the other parent is parenting, this must be a fairly common issue and I'm shocked there isn't some reliable procedure to fix it or at the very least defer any payments until it is resolved.

Oh I have done that too. I told them I have my son more than half the time. I told them I feed him. Care for him. Spend time for him and provide him with everything he needs. There has always been a private agreement between us in relation to my sons upbringing and bills and I have taken my part of it very seriously. CMS didn't care that I'd made all these payemts for childminding. Or school or uniforms or feeding him or for anything they said oh that's extra. That's up to u wether u pay that or not. U have to pay the amount to her. I have told them she won't spend the money on my son and I wil end up paying her and then paying all his bills anyway. They said to me. Well then just pay her and pay nthing else. U don't have to. U just have to pay her. I said omg I don't want my sons payments sitting outstanding. I want to make sure he is looked aftr. Ita so frustrating

Agreed. My son is near 11 & and we have always had a private agreement & I'm a great father & have my son alll the time. I am blindsided that she went to the CMS..there was no reason. No legal reason. Other than she knows I'm in a highly paid job and she wanted a way to line her pocket. Not one penny I have ever given her has went on my son so I'd to meet with the childminder. The school. His football. Tutoring. Everything an pay them all directly just so I knew they were paid. On the nights my son is returned to spend time with his mother she leaves him with different people so she doesn't even spend money on him on her nights. So I don't know how they would award her anything. It makes no sense sadly.

I’m dubious. My friend’s ex pays for private school (even moved primary dc from state primary to private school) so he’d look like the good dad without actually having to give his ex any money. He also screwed her over in the divorce so she got minimal as his businesses all had “big loans against them and weren’t financially worth much”… 6 months later he sold one for £2.6m! This may not be the case but I imagine there’s a different version of this story and the finances are significantly different on the mum’s side.

I don't even think it's the dad posting.

OP you need the CB. Or you can pay. It's up to you.

No school dinners are not free. Neither are his after school clubs. Football. Hockey. Tutoring. He goes to a childminder after school as he finishes at 3 and we all work.. however I lift him at 5.15 on my nights with my son and on the nights he is meant to be with her she leaves him with the childminder until aftr 9pm. Or sends him to her boyfriends or the boyfriends mother. Or someone else..