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Dadsnet

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Original poster

Ex partner new baby

50 replies

Justadadtrying · 24/04/2024 17:19

My Ex has just had a baby with her new partner via a c section.
Up until now we co parented for 3 years and it worked well. She obviously is not allowed to drive for 6 weeks.
I have 2 children with her. Am I suppose to loose time from work or try and get my children to school when it's not even my baby that she has given birth to. It's like I'm expected to be on paternity leave aswell. Step dad/baby's dad is apparently going to work next week.
I have offered money for a taxi and help where I can.

OP posts:

pinkyredrose · 27/04/2024 12:38

Am I suppose to loose time from work or try and get my children to school when it's not even my baby that she has given birth to.

Why wouldn't you want to make her life a bit easier, do you not like her? She's your child's mother and she's given birth to your child's sibling.

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/04/2024 12:41

It’s not clear if she’s even asked you. Has she? When was the baby born?

SuperGreens · 27/04/2024 12:51

Presumably you will continue just to be responsible for your children when they are with you, or its your contact time? Has she asked to take the children to school and back when they are with her?

YoureStuckOnMeLikeATattoohoohoo · 27/04/2024 12:57

Would you do it of she had any other kind of operation?

The fact is you're a parent, the other parent is out of action for a few weeks, doesn't matter if its for a section, a broken leg or anything else, your kids still need looking after.

TheShellBeach · 27/04/2024 12:58

They're still your children, irregardless of your ex's major abdominal surgery.

TheShellBeach · 27/04/2024 13:00

So has your children's mother asked you to take them to school?

TheShellBeach · 27/04/2024 13:46

Do you expect the new partner to step up and take your DC to school?

Marblessolveeverything · 27/04/2024 13:51

Why is supporting your children an issue.? She has had surgery. So what is your solution for your children?

Her partner over their father? Really? So ask yourself honestly is hurting and making her life more difficult more important than you sorting your children out?

Kindleonfire · 27/04/2024 13:54

Does your ex not lose out on work by having to ferry your kids to school and back every day the rest of the time?

MolkosTeenageAngst · 27/04/2024 13:55

What is she expecting of you? It is not your responsibility to drive to her house and pick the kids up from her to do the school run during her contact time. That would be an unreasonable ask! She does need to manage the school runs for her contact time herself just as she would if she was a single parent.

During your contact time obviously it is your responsibility to do the school run for your children. If you have agreed to having extra contact whilst she is post partum then you do need to factor school runs and drop offs into those extra days.

Itsonlymashadow · 27/04/2024 14:00

What is she actually wanting?

personally, no, I don’t think you should be out of pocket or expect to miss work. I don’t think her having a baby should impact you.

If she needs more help on her day with the kids, the father of the new baby should be helping more or taking more time off.

That said, if it becomes a case of the kids missing out if you don’t help out, I probably would if I was in your position. But I definitely couldn’t just not go to work because my ex had a new baby

oui · 27/04/2024 14:03

Sometimes in life you have to do things for your children that are a little bit inconvenient. Like taking sick days for them. Taking time off to take them to school/collect them. It's not long term. It's for your children as much as for their mother.

Having to take your kids to school for a few weeks is in no way comparable to a father taking paternity leave. As you've already had two kids, it's embarrassing you think that's a logical statement to make.

Meadowfinch · 27/04/2024 14:12

"You've offered help !! " Wow. Err, you're not helping her. You will be taking your children to school. It is your shared responsibility and she's been doing it up until now.

What would you do if your dc's mum had cancer, needed an operation, was ill after a car crash? You are their dad. Your first responsibility is to your children. So step up and stop assuming she should do it all for you.

For a few weeks, you are primary carer. It's your turn. If you are a half way decent dad, you'll love it and not want to give them back.

Original poster

Justadadtrying · 27/04/2024 16:15

I'm just saying I'll go down from a 40hr week to 15 hrs to take my children st school when surely the step dad could help to

OP posts:

YoureStuckOnMeLikeATattoohoohoo · 27/04/2024 16:20

Justadadtrying · 27/04/2024 16:15

I'm just saying I'll go down from a 40hr week to 15 hrs to take my children st school when surely the step dad could help to

You can't step up for a few weeks, but expect the Mum and stepdad to do it for years?

She's had surgery ffs.

What's your usual contact schedule?

Original poster

Justadadtrying · 27/04/2024 16:21

SuperGreens · 27/04/2024 12:51

Presumably you will continue just to be responsible for your children when they are with you, or its your contact time? Has she asked to take the children to school and back when they are with her?

I have helped in the past for scans etc where work allows it. My main problem is I have to be work at at 6.30. If I do drop offs and pick ups there would be no point in myself going to work.
I would of least thought the stepdad/new father would of take more time to help her with his new daughter

OP posts:

Original poster

Justadadtrying · 27/04/2024 16:30

SuperGreens · 27/04/2024 12:51

Presumably you will continue just to be responsible for your children when they are with you, or its your contact time? Has she asked to take the children to school and back when they are with her?

It would be in her contact time due to my work having to be out the house early mornings

OP posts:

TheShellBeach · 27/04/2024 16:42

I have helped in the past for scans etc where work allows it

OP - you're the children's father.
You're not "helping out" - you're parenting your own children. Or at least you should be.

Is the reason your ex is an ex because she got fed up of you "helping out" rather than doing your half share of everything - housework, cooking, cleaning, childcare?

Itsonlymashadow · 27/04/2024 16:59

Op how much do you usually have the children.

Spirallingdownwards · 27/04/2024 17:09

No you don't have to do this.

If it is time when she usually has the children then she makes alternate arrangements.

She cannot expect you to miss work to do this. Yes as she lives in a new family unit with her new partner then between them they find a way whether that means calling on family or friends or paying a child minder then so be it.

But no they can't expect you to do it unless you want to. And personally I don't think I would want to unless it actually fitted in with my working day too which in this case it does not.

They planned a baby and knew it would impact their life. It is their short term problem to deal with.

Spirallingdownwards · 27/04/2024 17:11

TheShellBeach · 27/04/2024 16:42

I have helped in the past for scans etc where work allows it

OP - you're the children's father.
You're not "helping out" - you're parenting your own children. Or at least you should be.

Is the reason your ex is an ex because she got fed up of you "helping out" rather than doing your half share of everything - housework, cooking, cleaning, childcare?

I disagree. It is not his contact time so therefore he is helping his ex by having his kids at a time where he wouldn't usually have them.

idreamoftoddlersleepytime · 27/04/2024 17:18

Suck it up. Take your kids to school.

WhamBamThankU · 27/04/2024 17:21

If it's her time with the kids then she should arrange alternative transport to and from school for them.

lunar1 · 27/04/2024 17:28

Has she actually asked you to? Presumably her and her partner have discussed what will happen regarding existing commitments.

Liverpool52 · 27/04/2024 17:35

If this was a woman posting about her male ex the overwhelming response would be "his time, his problem to sort child care"

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