Ex partner new baby

[Justadadtrying]

My Ex has just had a baby with her new partner via a c section.
Up until now we co parented for 3 years and it worked well. She obviously is not allowed to drive for 6 weeks.
I have 2 children with her. Am I suppose to loose time from work or try and get my children to school when it's not even my baby that she has given birth to. It's like I'm expected to be on paternity leave aswell. Step dad/baby's dad is apparently going to work next week.
I have offered money for a taxi and help where I can.

Agreed. The double standards here are stark.

OP, if it’s on her contact time then don’t do it if it causes you problems. Continue to look after your kids on your contact time, and help in other ways if you can and want to. I think offering to help pay for taxis and to help in other ways is generous of you.

Most dads would say it’s not their problem and leave it to mum and stepdad to sort out some kind of solution. In your case it sounds like you can do drop off or pick up because of work. You don’t say what time you finish so can you pick up?

I was the solution for another woman and used to walk past their house to pick up and drop off their child for school until she could get out.

No, I don’t think it’s your responsibility to take over during her parenting time. She knew this would be an issue and chose to proceed with having another child. It is entirely different than if she had become ill. I would expect her to have made arrangements for continued care during her parenting time and to maintain the custodial transfer routine.

we don’t put up with new fathers who want to pawn off parenting responsibilities of existing children when they start new families and we shouldn’t tolerate it from mothers either.

@Justadadtrying

I agree with some PP. It really doesn't have anything to with taking time off work or not. If it's on her time, then it's up to her to make arrangements that don't include you. If you wish to help out, that's nice of you, but if you don't want to (lost wages notwithstanding) then you don't have to.

One thing I'd consider before I'd point blank refuse is whether or not I might need any favours at some point in the future with changing access dates, help with school holiday care, having her pick up/drop off DC, etc. Because if you refuse to help out now you may be reasonably certain that she'll remember and refuse when you may need help. Of course if she's been uncooperative in the past with child arrangements, then there's no reason to believe she'd be any better in the future even if you did help her out.

I work in the building trade so hours are from 7,30 to 16.00 and unfortunately I'm not local.

Actually, I've been thinking some more about this, and I believe that I was wrong in my earlier comments, OP.

It really is the mother who needs to sort out care for her DC, if they need it while they'd be with her anyway.

That’s absolutely not the same thing. The ex and her new partner have chosen to have a child. It’s not the same as cancer or a car accident.

It's hardly 'contact time' if it's all the school runs. That's just called parenting. Sounds like the mums doing the lions share of the actual hands on parenting and may need some help temporarily. And dad is kicking up a fuss for being asked to parent his kids for a few weeks.

Just leave them to it and make things difficult for everyone. But don't expect an amicable relationship anymore.

I think the new father should be sorting this out. It’s his partner and child.

Its been very convenient for you up to now hasn't it? Your ex takes and picks up your children every day so that you don't get inconvenienced, meanwhile limiting her earning power.
She is unable to drive at the moment, her new husband is not your children's father, you are.
Do you only have your children every other weekend?

Does the amount of child maintenance you pay cover for the fact their mother can only get a job during school hours then? And when you decided to have two children, did you discuss that given your job you would never be able to drop to school and it would always have to be her?
People have spoken about double standards on this thread - what about the fact that a job starting at 6.30 isn't accessible for a single mother? Yet it is for a father. She'd have to switch jobs.

No it's not your responsibility to manage the kids on her time, and loose money to do so. She needs to work out a way to get the kids to school, with her partner. I wouldn't expect an ex partner to put themselves at a financial disadvantage for a new relationship

The thing is "her time" is basically is every morning in order to facilitate your job. So it's pretty unfair as a starting point.

Aren't you embarrassed to write crap like that?

Child maintenance and maternity leave.

I'm currently on maternity leave, my partner has an informal arrangement paying child support to his ex for their child not arranged by CSA themselves.
If his ex goes to child maintenance which she is saying she will do (so she can get more money than what her and my partner agreed between themselves previously), will they take into account that he is currently financially supporting us both as I'm on MAT leave? If he has to start paying the amount that child maintenance will want then it will put us in serious financial difficulty. I know they will take into account our baby but will they take into account that I'm not getting a good income

No, they won’t

What do you normally do on your week day contact days?

they take the baby into account, not you. Csa is the absolute bare minimum guide. If he cannot pay that, he really shouldnt have been getting more women pregnant.

What do you mean what do we normally do on our weekday contact days, in regards to what? And i dont think its a case of shouldn't have got more women pregnant really as we will be fine when I go back to work, I don't know anyone who manages easily when on MAT leave but they already had an arrangement in place before I went on MAT leave as well for child support payments plus

If this was a woman posting this the replies would be different.

Eg. My Ex Husband has just had gastric band operation.
He can’t drive for 6 weeks.
His new wife won’t do school pick up drop off so I’m having to lose time at work and lose money.

There would be scores of people saying it’s his problem and he should have sorted child care.

OP - do not lose a single penny over this OR pay for taxies.

So, @SillyLilacMember

Your dp has been underpaying for his child up until now?

Not really as he used to buy everything for her, school uniforms trips, clothes, ipad, toys, days out, school dinners. And has her nearly 50% of the time. If anything he was paying more towards her and having her neatly the same amount of time as her mum

Agree with this.

It doesnt actually sound like he does any school runs.

Some of the responses on here are quite startling. The OP would lose more than 50% of his income for a 6 week period and it seems he's been given no lead time on this.

This is probably too late now anyway but after an initial day or two I think all you can do is speak to your employer and see what the options are. It's clearly going to be to your financial detriment so you may have to reduce maintenance etc.

Don't be swayed by the cake and eat brigade on MN that can't even recognise how difficult a situation this is with no advance warning for you.