Whose given up at 40?

[Comfortablechair]

I think 40 is still young enough for me to make in effort in my appearance, clothes, brands, decent haircuts, teeth etc ? About 60% of my mates have given up entirely and make zero effort primarily clothes rubbish haircuts etc. I also don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect this from missus - she had a go at me because I suggested she may wanna have a go at covering up greys. No difference from me I’d do the same and look into hair fixes etc. dunno 🤷‍♂️

Why should she cover greys?

I don't think there's an age where getting a decent cut, personal hygiene, and clean, neat clothes becomes a young thing you don't have to do any more. But you don’t have to dye hair or wear make-up as part of that.

You sound so shallow. I bet you have veneers and fake tan.

Grey hair is a sign of a maturing body. It shows wisdom and should be loved as part of who your wife is. You're not 18, showing off how your trophy partner looks. You're adults ffs.

Personally I can’t wait to have grey hair.

I know what you mean. It reflects on you doesn't it? Perhaps ask them all to pull their collective socks up, over whattsap or something?

You can only live your life and, frankly, it's up to others how they live theirs. Grey hair comes to most of us - and its just part of life. I got chatting to a woman recently. 65, beautiful grey hair and fantastic personality. Look deeper mate, and try not to be judgemental?

You can do what you want with your own body.

You can’t tell your “missus” what to do with hers.

Maybe your scruffy mates are spending their time working, doing stuff with the kids or round the house instead of on their appearance.

I expect 'missus' wishes you'd keep your opinion on her body to yourself.
Dunno 🤷🏼‍♀️

How about realising that others’ appearance is none of your business? Do what you want but don’t tell others what to do.

ALSO it’s ok to get older. You can have natural grey hair, wrinkles and take pride in your appearance. It’s not letting yourself go to not strive to look younger than you are.

I am near fifty and have a beard in part as it is where my grey hair is. I have a professional role and it is quite useful.

There are a some unnecessarily negative comments on here.

I'm 41, there does seem to be a point when guys give up on their appearance. I think part of it is being comfortable in their relationships etc. and not feeling a need to impress anyone. I think that goes for some women to, but I think its more that case with men. You can look good at any age. I work as an antiques dealer, there are some guys I work with in their 60's, 70's and 80's that have smart haircuts and look decent, and the same with women I work with.

I can assure you OP, none of these 50+ grey haired old crinkly ladies would give you even a minute of their time.

Now deal with your insecurities without dumping on women.

I agree with you OP, but also, 40s is a funny decade. Many people exhausted dealing with young children, at a stressful point in their careers and general stresses of life.
it’s easy to give up a bit on appearance.
50s seems to be better somehow!

You need to broaden your horizons, OP. There's so much more to life than looks.

I think it's a mindset,not even linked to age. I try to enhance and flatter what's there.

Wrt covering up greys, I do do that, but it isn't cheap.

luckily, imo, I don't have to answer to a man asking me how much I spent at the hairdressers!

As you get older, well I'm 54, I think health and weight management are the two biggest things anybody of either sex can do for themself.

I can look like I live in an old tracksuit, but because I stay healthy, I never find it hard to glam up.

So I'd encourage you both to prioritise health, and fun.

Is there anything you'd both enjoy? Swimming, yoga, walking? Together. A strong fit body can rock a few greys.

I don't understand this statement. Are you a woman with part of a beard that's grey but useful???

@Jk987 , I am a man as I think you actually have gathered.
Most of my hair is still dark. Most of my grey hairs are in my beard, so my reason for having the beard is, in part, that it shows the greys.
I am almost fifty without it, people think I dye my hair.

I don't think men letting themselves go in their 40s and women not dying their hair is at all comparable.

Men letting themselves go tends to be related to putting on weight, wearing slobby clothes and possibly poor hygiene. Not exactly the same is it?

Oh come on! Don’t be so absurd. No 50 plus woman looks like that without serious surgery and serious fakery with lighting and photos.

Oh and actually, insta ready faked and unrealistic portrayals of older women like these are all about dumping insecurities onto women, so companies can sell them anti-ageing bollocks.

Why should I cover grey hair?
Who does it hurt ?

Being overweight - that hurts yourself and us via the NHS costs
Being unclean to the point of being smelly can make people nauseous

But grey hair ? (Older clothes ? ) people get older ( poor) in different ways and don't need to hide it

If you are not mentally strong enough to cope with that knowledge , you need to sort yourself out , not expect other people to try and hide the reality of life from you

Fortunately Not everyone is superficial , not everyone tries to read a persons value through their outside appearance

Personally, OP, there are several things about your post which would put me off you far more than a lack of branded clothing, a mediocre haircut or grey hair would.

@Comfortablechair how about you dress and style yourself however you like and leave your mates and your ‘missus’ to do the same? (I’m making an assumption that promising to dye grey hair did not form part of your marriage vows).

@Monochord

Oh come on! Don’t be so absurd. No 50 plus woman looks like that without serious surgery and serious fakery with lighting and photos.
Excuse me? I know one of them and I can assure you she has no procedures other than good skincare. She also doesn't use weird technology to make herself look better. So yes, there are 50 something women that look this good.

@Monochord
If you check out their IG you will see them with their crows feet and forehead lines. And frizzy greys.

This is what some women look like in their 50s.

If you zoom in you'll see the real skin.

And no they aren't filled lips. She's always had them. They are smaller now than they used to be.

Some unnecessarily nasty responses on this thread.
OP, I get what you are saying. Grey hair can really age someone. I think for me it would depend whether someone is simply content with themselves or if they have stopped caring. Nobody wants to be with a partner who takes them for granted.

@Monochord
Here's another stunning 50 something with grey hair. Again if you zoom in you can see she has no filters

Both these two women are cancer survivors. They are religious about good health and nutrition and do not put anything artificial into their faces