Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Dadsnet

Speak to new fathers on our Dads forum.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Advice needed

77 replies

Inno07ML · 11/04/2021 12:42

My wife and I had separated, and we were going thru a divorce, I have moved out.
We have 3 children 24, 18, 8 years old.

My eldest is fine with me, 18 doesn't want to talk to me, my 8 old I'm told is scared of me, which I do not belive as with all my children I got on very well with them all. I believe they have been drip fed poison about me by my wife and her family, I've not seen them for the best part of a year.

Last week my wife died in a tragic accident at home after falling down the stairs and my 18 year old daughter found her when she got up for work.
They are currently residing with my in laws. Who do not want me to go to there house to see them.
I know am now there legal Guardian. But I don't know the best way to move forward as they have just lost their daughter and the kids have lost their mum.

On a side note, what should I do about the maintenance I am paying into my 18 year old bank account?

OP posts:

namechangerforthisconfessionn · 11/04/2021 12:49

How awful for everyone :(

Perhaps suggest some family counselling for all of you together to help work through any issues as a family and see if you can get relationships with your children back?

Wishitsnows · 11/04/2021 12:52

What a horrific situation for your kids. Yes as said above councelling for the sounds like a good idea. Did you really ask about maintenance payments in the midst of all this. You sound very cold.

UhtredRagnarson · 11/04/2021 12:58

On a side note, what should I do about the maintenance I am paying into my 18 year old bank account?

What do you mean? Do you think you should stop paying it? Personally I’d increase it as she now has only one parent supporting her.

Original poster

Inno07ML · 11/04/2021 13:08

Yes, indeed, she only has one parent supporting her and my 8 year old, me so I can provide her all the support they need, so they, in my opinion should now be living with me, so I can provide all that support and maintenance should not be needed.

In answer to @Wishitsnows how very rude! In answer to that, I am the exact opposite I am the most loving person, who has just lost his wife and partner of 30 years, who I lived and was still hoping for a reconciliation with. Someone who only wants the best for his children. How can that be considered cold!

OP posts:

UhtredRagnarson · 11/04/2021 13:11

so I can provide all that support and maintenance should not be needed.

But currently she isn’t living with you so you should continue to pay maintenance. Is she in full time education? Is she planning on going to university? You would surely be helping her out for that wouldn’t you? You aren’t really saying you will withdraw all maintenance unless she lives with you? Not for a girl who has just lost her mother and been estranged from her father?

UhtredRagnarson · 11/04/2021 13:13

who I lived and was still hoping for a reconciliation with.

You hoped to reconcile with someone who you think has poisoned your 8 year old against you to make them afraid of you? Sure.

CrazyNeighbour · 11/04/2021 13:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Elieza · 11/04/2021 13:27

The in-laws are probably in protective mode. They’ve just lost their daughter and will be holding her kids close to them for their and the kids comfort and to protect them from any danger, perhaps even without realising it. Anything will be a danger.
It’s normal.

They will be also be trying to act as their daughter would wish, and probably think that you are the enemy and they don’t trust the kids with you.

It will take time and a lot of conversations to move forward.

Original poster

Inno07ML · 11/04/2021 13:40

No this is not what I am saying, oh the joy of text.

She is in employment, in a apprenticeship in social care.

What I was saying was only on a side note as to what happens to maintenance payment once the other parent dies? I will never stop supporting my children and still give financial support to my 24 year old if ever she asks for it!

OP posts:

UhtredRagnarson · 11/04/2021 13:43

What I was saying was only on a side note as to what happens to maintenance payment once the other parent dies?

What did you mean though? Why would anything happen to it? You carry on supporting your child as you have been. I really don’t understand what you’re asking here.

User5747384 · 11/04/2021 15:34

Why haven't you seen them for a year?
Loving people don't not see their kids for a year.

Original poster

Inno07ML · 11/04/2021 16:05

Because I have been stopped from seeing them, if you read the posts you will see that.

All I wanted to do is see them, and made every effort to see them, but I have not forced my parental right to as I did not want to come over wrong to my children.

OP posts:

User5747384 · 11/04/2021 16:19

Sorry that's a poor excuse.
If you want to see your kids you go to court.
As far as your parental rights go now you should leave them be with their family.
They need people around them they are comfortable with and who really cares.

RachelRavenRoth · 11/04/2021 16:26

I've not seen them for the best part of a year
Why not?

On a side note, what should I do about the maintenance I am paying into my 18 year old bank account?
You probably need to increase this payment now your dd only has one parent supporting her through an apprenticeship. What does she want to do after that? Social care is so poorly paid. Can you increase her payments? Maybe even double them?

You need to contact the grandparents about the 8 year old.

Original poster

Inno07ML · 11/04/2021 16:37

Well this is my first post on this site. And I must say I am shocked at the responses on here,

Some of you are so fast at coming to an opinion without knowing the full facts.

I wanted some outsider advice not uneducated, keyboard warriors views.

Carry on giving these opinions they just let this site and its reputation down.

OP posts:

User5747384 · 11/04/2021 16:39

So you won't answer....
You seem really 'poor me.'
Everyone is against you type of attitude.
Deflecting perfectly reasonable questions.
Such as why haven't you seen your kids for a year?
Why is your daughter scared of you too??

Original poster

Inno07ML · 11/04/2021 16:45

Leave then with their family? So their father isn't their family,??

I didn't get chance to go to court, due to issues between the mother and myself, I was trying thru solicitors but not getting any replies back to emails and letters sent to my wife.

You all seem to think my children were happy to be living with an alcoholic

Have you even got kids?

I am there legal Guardian

OP posts:

Original poster

Inno07ML · 11/04/2021 16:50

@User5747384

So you won't answer.... You seem really 'poor me.' Everyone is against you type of attitude. Deflecting perfectly reasonable questions. Such as why haven't you seen your kids for a year? Why is your daughter scared of you too??

All those questions have already been answered, my daughter is not scared of me, I've never said she was.

Before making posts try reading previous comments.
I have not come on here to argue but to get honest advice not the sort of one sided opinions I'm getting, this is a dad's forum why and I getting responses from mainly/ totally women?

OP posts:

Mumof1andacat · 11/04/2021 16:51

I think you need to seek legal advice with regards to guardianship of the 8yr old

User5747384 · 11/04/2021 16:56

"Before making posts try reading previous comments."

I did you said...
"my 8 old I'm told is scared of me"

So why would she be scared of you??

User5747384 · 11/04/2021 16:59

"You all seem to think my children were happy to be living with an alcoholic"

You never mentioned she was an alcoholic so how could we think that?

vodkaredbullgirl · 11/04/2021 17:00

Original poster

Inno07ML · 11/04/2021 17:02

Ahh I see what your saying, no that's my son.
Again I've answered this previously

I do not know why he would be scared of me, I've never have given him reason to be. I used to have vid calls with him and my 18 year old and he always said he missed me and loved me, as did my daughter, until she for some reason said she didn't want to talk to me for a while as she needed "time to clear her head" which was last July!!

OP posts:

Tangledtresses · 11/04/2021 17:09

Lots going on here! We need more back ground?
But if you are paying maintenance why haven't you offered it to your pils?

FelicityPike · 11/04/2021 17:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Flip

1 2 3 4