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Original poster

Advice needed

77 replies

Inno07ML · 11/04/2021 12:42

My wife and I had separated, and we were going thru a divorce, I have moved out.
We have 3 children 24, 18, 8 years old.

My eldest is fine with me, 18 doesn't want to talk to me, my 8 old I'm told is scared of me, which I do not belive as with all my children I got on very well with them all. I believe they have been drip fed poison about me by my wife and her family, I've not seen them for the best part of a year.

Last week my wife died in a tragic accident at home after falling down the stairs and my 18 year old daughter found her when she got up for work.
They are currently residing with my in laws. Who do not want me to go to there house to see them.
I know am now there legal Guardian. But I don't know the best way to move forward as they have just lost their daughter and the kids have lost their mum.

On a side note, what should I do about the maintenance I am paying into my 18 year old bank account?

OP posts:
Original poster
Inno07ML · 11/04/2021 18:20

Read the previous posts, no need to as its being paid into my 18 year old accounts being as my wife would not give me her new bank account but wanted my money, so the only way I could get it to her was to give it to my daughter to pass it on.

OP posts:
Inno07ML · 11/04/2021 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Quotes deleted post.

UhtredRagnarson · 11/04/2021 18:23

this is a dad's forum why and I getting responses from mainly/ totally women?

How on earth do you know what sex any poster is? Confused

UhtredRagnarson · 11/04/2021 18:23

Is it because the answers aren’t what you want to hear so you’ve decided the posters must be women as men would all agree with you?

UhtredRagnarson · 11/04/2021 18:24

my wife would not give me her new bank account but wanted my money

Nonsense.

FelicityPike · 11/04/2021 18:26

@Inno07ML Didn’t answer my questions though, did you?

ThisMustBeMyDream · 11/04/2021 18:36

I will PM you a group to join. You won't get many reasoned responses here unfortunately. You could try the legal forum on here though for advice.

Sorry for the loss of your wife, separated or not, hated each other or not; a loss is a loss and grief will still come.

Original poster
Inno07ML · 11/04/2021 18:42

Thank you @ThisMustBeMyDream. This site had a good opinion to me, now I've posted on it, the people that reply are just doing it to wind people up.

They do so without reading the posts before or even care what's being asked by the person opening the post.
I definitely will open a new post on here again

OP posts:
Original poster
Inno07ML · 11/04/2021 18:44

I know it was but it's true!

You might be a liar but I'm not, what would I gain by lying ??

OP posts:
Original poster
Inno07ML · 11/04/2021 18:52

@UhtredRagnarson

this is a dad's forum why and I getting responses from mainly/ totally women?

How on earth do you know what sex any poster is? Confused

Look at the posters name Alot are women, also the tone of the text gives it away 🤔
OP posts:
User5747384 · 11/04/2021 19:12

So you haven't seen your kids in a year, you left them with an apparent alcoholic only one speaks to you and you haven't done anything wrong?
You are very defensive when people ask more questions.

Your kids need their family right now (you know the ones that have actually been there the past year) to even think about them living with you after their mum has just died when they don't want anything to do with you just because you are their legal guardian is just plain ridiculous and selfish.

They have had an extremely traumatic experience they don't need you starting court proceedings.

babypinkelephant · 11/04/2021 19:15

Whatever has happened in the past is the last.

It's good that you are looking to the future,

I would get legal advice on where you stand with paying child maintenance and about your parental rights with them living with if that's even what they want.

To establish this I reckon you would need to set up some sort of contact and a third party such as a social worker who is impartial to both sides otherwise it's the kids who end up being screwed up.

Keep things civil and simple and always leave the door open

UhtredRagnarson · 11/04/2021 19:42

Look at the posters name

You know they aren’t peoples real names, right? They’re made up usernames. You can’t tell anything from names.

UhtredRagnarson · 11/04/2021 19:42

A lot are women, also the tone of the text gives it away 🤔

How? I’d love to know.

Original poster
Inno07ML · 11/04/2021 19:45

@UhtredRagnarson

A lot are women, also the tone of the text gives it away 🤔

How? I’d love to know.

We are deviating away from my reason for being on here, .. I am not entering into pointless conversations with you mildreth
OP posts:
UhtredRagnarson · 11/04/2021 19:57

😂😂😂😂 mildreth!!

Tangledtresses · 11/04/2021 20:03

You answer any inflammatory to you 'man with axe to grind' but not any reasonable questions???

Are you a 😈??

User5747384 · 11/04/2021 20:17

Your reason for being here is what exactly, you don't answer people's questions.

Why would your child be scared of you?
What reasons would they give for this?
Why would your child not want to talk to you?
How on earth haven't you found any of this out yet?
Seems to be strange your wife would let you video call with them but stopped your contact...
Not buying it sorry.

Your main concerns seem to be that you are their legal guardian so they should come and live with you so you don't have to pay maintenance.
Nice...

Workinghardeveryday · 11/04/2021 20:20

@Inno07ML
Sorry to hear about your ex. That is actually very tragic for you, your kids and in laws.
I think pp have their backs up because in your first post you started talking about maintenance, tbf it made me raise my eyebrows, without sounding unsympathetic it did come across as pretty cold. Sorry, not trying to be unsupportive but it did.
So kids at in laws now? Haven’t seen that much of you for a year? (Whether your fault or not) . Devastated their mum has died. In this situation it has to be about the kids and what they need. They need to be where they are happy and have some security. Where is that op?

UhtredRagnarson · 11/04/2021 20:23

I think he was hoping lots of blokes (Identifiable by their usernames, tone and saying the right words) would tell OP how to legally force his grieving children to live with him so he can stop paying out any maintenance.

User5747384 · 11/04/2021 20:26

Yes sounds about right @UhtredRagnarson.

rjacksmiss · 11/04/2021 20:27

Maybe fathers for justice would be a better option for you to grind your axe.

Original poster
Inno07ML · 11/04/2021 21:18

@User5747384

Your reason for being here is what exactly, you don't answer people's questions.

Why would your child be scared of you?
What reasons would they give for this?
Why would your child not want to talk to you?
How on earth haven't you found any of this out yet?
Seems to be strange your wife would let you video call with them but stopped your contact...
Not buying it sorry.

Your main concerns seem to be that you are their legal guardian so they should come and live with you so you don't have to pay maintenance.
Nice...

Wow, you lot a load of keyboard warriors ganging up on a man that has lost the wife he never stopped loving for 30 years!! I'm sorry if you've never had that.
My 18 year old has not wanted to talk to me again the only reason I've been told, I've mentioned before, she wants time to settle, clear her head.

So to answer your questions
I answered this previously.. I do not know why they world be scared of me I've never have given them a reason to be, this is why I think they have been drip fed poison about me by my wife family
I never said my wife let vid calls happen, my 18 did do them with me before she decided to stop taking to me, this happened once my wife came out of rehab.

I have never said I want to stop paying maintenance, again I have mentioned this more than once, I was asking what happens to maintenance between the 2 parents once one dies. As it was requested by an official body, do they need to know or is it stopped as this particular contract maybe finished. But I've never thought about stopping it, while I am not living with my child/children
Bearing in mind my 18 year old is working since the maintenance was started, she was in full time employment then. And this contract is only until August, anyway.

Anything else?

OP posts:
MozzarellaMonster · 11/04/2021 21:29

I think what initial posters said about counselling would be the way forward if you can afford it?
You don't have to answer but it might be helpful to know what caused your marriage to split and if this will have any bearing on relations with the in-laws?
Hopefully they would be willing to discuss arrangements with you..

Original poster
Inno07ML · 11/04/2021 21:29

@Workinghardeveryday

"They need to be where they are happy and have some security. Where is that op?"

I can give them that without any issues.
In answer to another as statement given against me.

I did not leave my wife, I was taken away from them and asked not to return for a short period of time and was extended once her family got involved... unfortunately I can't go into who by or why so do not ask. I'm sure you will come to your own (incorrect) conclusions however!

OP posts: