She won’t let me see my son!

[bakerjd93]

Hi there all.

This is so hard for me to write. I am so tired and exhausted, and had so much stress over this. I’m 27, and was with my ex for just over a year at Christmas. We got together last April, conceived in the June. My son was born on 16th April of this year, and i wasn’t allowed at the birth, she wanted her ‘mum’ instead. She kept saying she couldn’t wait to be a mum, and constantly said she wanted children, as did I. I felt like I was used as a spermdoner really, and I felt like now she’s blocked me off all social media, all phones, that it just solidifies my beliefs.

She won’t let me see my son now, under any circumstance, apparently she is engaging with mediator whom I paid for, but I fear she will ‘drag that out’. I just want to see my son, I am breaking down over this, and she said doesn’t want me on the birth certificate even. She isn’t a british national as I am, she is from South Africa, but lives here in uk.

She is now ignoring my calls, and doesn’t send pictures of him anymore. What can I do? I have a 30 minute consultation with family lawyer on the 9th, but, is there any way for this situation to favour me? I am so stressed. I constantly give her money for the baby, silently. Nothing I did or have done is ever good enough. She said I could see him on Saturday, but she is using covid as excuse. If I go to her house, she will ‘ring the police’. Help! Is what she’s doing legal? Running out ideas, and suffering a lot! Any ideas?

Joshua

I mean the OP could have avoided being a “sperm donor” if he’d used a condom....lesson one.

BobbieDraper your explanation would make sense if you hadn't written "she should be hauled over hot coals for what she's done" - you know that's all he'll hear and he'll take it as confirmation that his abuse is right and proper!

The more he posts the clearer it is that he's very aggressive and his ex has probably done exactly the right thing under the crappy circumstances.

The only appropriate advice for this man is to go through the courts.

It's not her decision to make if he wants contact with his own child

At 8 weeks old and if she feels harassed or at risk then it is her decision to make as she is primary carer until a court decides otherwise.
The OP has been advised to back off as his post reads like he and his mother have been harassing his ex from the second she gave birth.
None of which will go in his favour if he goes to court.

I think he has had good advice on this thread. All of which would lead to him having a better chance at seeing his son.

She conceived not you. She's been pregnant not you. She's given birth not you.
Since Middle of April due to C-19 she's been in lockdown with a tiny baby. Poor bloody woman. With you jamming at her and harassing her.

1. Apply to the court for parental repsonsibility and a DNA test and get yourself on the BC
2. Then apply to court for access.

But it sounds like 8 weeks after giving birth under a very stressful time -she is engaging with mediation - in your own words she is engaging. Follow the process. You do sound like a dangerous agressive abusve ex partner. So I'd focus on yourself -is it best right now that you are in his life this angry towards his mother? You need counselling. Now.

He's not even on the birth certificate so the baby's mother is the only one with parental rights until such a time as he goes through the courts, submits to a DNA test, and paternity is established or otherwise, and then if he is the baby's father he can get added to the birth certificate by court order and then he will have some rights. If he actually is the father.

At the momentwewillmeet you are wrong. It absolutely is the baby's mother's place to make decisions in the best interest of her very small baby. A man not on the birth certificate does not have any rights to access to the baby.

Women that behave like this absolutely disgust me. It takes two to make the child but then one thinks that they can just remove the other from the child's life! Immensely selfish.

@wewillmeetagain

Women that behave like this absolutely disgust me. It takes two to make the child but then one thinks that they can just remove the other from the child's life! Immensely selfish.

You don't think that a woman who's just had a baby by a man who is demanding and verbally aggressive might have the right to a bit of space and time before she has to see him and spend time with him?

I don't know that. But you don't know he isn't. What's more likely?

Mexican

Have you missed the deadly pandemic since March?
I have twin grandchildren that were born 21st March and I am yet to meet them. Why?
Because their health and their mothers help is paramount to me so I will keep my distance until it is safe.

Not once does the OP talk of his newborn sons needs. Or the needs of his sons mother. Both of which trump his demands.

He would do better if he stopped behaving like a spoiled child and started showing his ex he is a responsible and caring father.

You sound a bit of a twat tbh. I appreciate you want to see your son and would never condone a woman stopping a father from seeing his child BUT you come across as slightly aggressive.

That would make any woman back off and be less inclined to let you visit a newborn baby.

Why did you break up ?

It’s past any ‘time’ or ‘patience’ it’s bigger than that now. It’s now become a very dangerous situation for me

What does this mean, OP?

You say you're going through mediation and that she's engaging with that, which all sounds positive.

Obviously things will be more difficult because of lockdown and it's inevitable that this will cause extra delays with some parts of the mediation process. Lots of people are having to wait longer than expected for this stuff at the moment - it doesn't necessarily mean she's delaying things.

It sounds like what you're upset about is that you want contact to be on your terms in the meantime before the mediation is concluded. Well, if the mother doesn't agree (and I can see why if you're being this impatient and using this kind of language with her), then you'll have to see how the mediation goes.

Being forceful and dramatic/threatening with her is only going to harm your position, though.

I am, to a fault, an emotional person

Is this code for aggressive?

*bakerjd93
*
Go down the legal route OP but DO NOT 'take it easy' ... this is YOUR CHILD AS MUCH AS HERS !

Fill in an application for Parental Responsibility In HMCTS website. This is EASY to do yourself. You DO NOT NEED A LAWYER.

Do this NOW !! Before she can skip off to S Africa with YOUR CHILD.

ONCE you have done this she cannot leave the country without your explicit permission. Or will be guilty of child abduction and returned to the UK if the country she goes to is a signatory to the Haig convention. (Bad luck for your ex as S Africa IS a signatory.

Once PR is established you can request shared care or contact via a child arrangements order if this can't be agreed to your satisfaction with the current mediation. I doubt you will get shared care of such a young child if she is breast feeding.. but it's a possibility for the future .

Do not wait for mediation - to apply for parental rights. It costs £215. Get your application lodged TONIGHT .

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/866130/c1-eng.pdf

Obviously we only have one side of the story but if it adds up then she's a complete fucking bitch.
He deserves as much right to see and meet his son just as much as her. It's not a game it's a life we're talking about.
Because someone said they're emotional doesn't mean it's key fo aggressive fgs.
If I was in this situation I would be aggressive though it's mental torture.

It will make zero difference to the baby right now whether he's there or not. It's 8 weeks old. This is him ranting about his needs, not the baby's. He comes across as immature, dramatic and unable to listen to sensible advice - he just wants to fly off the handle. It's in the child's best interests for him to form at least a polite, calm relationship with the mother. That's what he needs to work on. Get a grip of himself and be a mature man.

The same people on here bashing a guy comparing that he can’t see his son are the same ones who complain when a father doesn’t care about their child smh

I’m bashing his attitude.

She’s 8 weeks post partum in a global pandemic. A bit of patience would paint the OP in a better light.

If I was in this situation I would be aggressive though it's mental torture.

Prime example of toxic masculinity. My aggression is ok and your fault because you have not given in to my demands.

End of the day if the OP wants to see his son then he needs to prove he is not a risk to his child or his mother.
Courts dont give a crap how upset he is. They care that if there is evidence of aggression or harassment.

He does not need to pander to the ex. He just needs not to give her or the courts any reason to deny access. He needs to show he will be a good father and right now hes not able to show that to a bunch of strangers a judge will see right through him.

There are no parental rights. It’s parental responsibility. The right to contact belongs to the child. Not the parents.

OP, please don't act or get aggressive as that will not help the situation at all.

You mentioned your mum argued with your Ex. A court will put the chikd interests first and your mum arguing and you being aggressive will go against you.

We are not in normal situations and NO one outside households are seeing new burns.

Could you see a counsellor to talk this through as it might help to have impartial advice. You are e.otional understandably but a counsellor could help you process those feelings so you don't feel angry.

Op you sound so much like my ex she's just had a baby but instead of worrying about how she's doing all I'm getting is me me me have you forgotten what's going on in the world and maybe just maybe she doesn't want to take any risk of her baby catching anything so get of your high horse and calm down as if I was her I wouldn't want you seeing the baby while your threatening her