What other "Dad" things do I need to learn?

[MavisEnderby]

I am now mum and dad since dp died.So here is a lighthearted thread about the Dad things I have learnt to do since dp is no longer here.Any suggestions for other Dad things I need to learn welcome!

1)Assemble flat pack furniture

Nightmare.It took me 2 hours to put together a CD tower thingummy.(Dp,I know you used to drive me mad with a lot of things at times but I take back all the moaning I did when you used to do all the DIY)

2)Taught ds to ride a bike without stabilisers

A park and lots of time and encouragement needed for this one

3)Taking the bins out

Enough said

4)Taken ds to the football

Not even the team I support.2 hours sat in the cold watching mediocre football in midwinter eeeek

5)Playing football in the park.

DS "You're not really very good at this are you Mum"

6)Assembling Starwars Lego (partially)

Ds "Hmm I think Daddy was much better at this" Big fat fail,we never did manage to fully assemble the Star Wars spaceship thingy.There are about 200 instructions.Crazy

7)Mending the broken Wii

Me "Are you sure we can't just turn it all off and then turn it back on again?"

DS (plaintive wail) "But then I'll lose level 200 (or something) on Lego Harry Potter

By some miracle managed to get it going again

Will add more as they crop up.

Straight talking sometimes, the ladies have a marvellous way of making a child do something without it being obvious to me at all sometimes (like magic!).

Had thing to put your finger on but maybe have a think about how your Dad talks/talked to you......

To elaborate on Meditrinas suggestion, you need to be able to say 'don't throw that bloody spear at me' in a Michael Caine accent!
'The offside rule' is another must, and you should also be able to explain what 'brake horsepower' is!
Picking your toenails whilst watching TV is another useful skill, as is snoring like an adenoidal rhino!

"you're only supposed to blow the boody doors off" in a Michael Caine voice is useful for dealing with an overreaction or overaction.

CBEar6 - your DH sounds brilliant fun!

DownyEmerald - that's so funny about the camping, my DH is weather forecast obsessed as well.

*Fairtradefloozy you made me laugh :)

I thought of another couple this morning.

you have to do the roll-fart, and then say "More Tea, Vicar?" with a huge laugh...

PMSL at this thread

In the middle of the night I was fond of pissing out the upstairs bedroom window into the back garden.

I assume you will be encouraging this in your son?

Teach him how to light a fire safely and without burning anything you don't mean to burn.

Take the time to teach him how to properly pound in a nail (with several hard hits rather than lots of tiny ones) unless you're putting a nail into plaster, in which case it's the other way around.

Teach him how to cut a straight line with a hand saw. Basically, don't put too much downward pressure on the saw, and take nice long strokes with the saw and let it do the work.

If you were an American, I would suggest teaching him how to hit a thrown ball with a baseball bat and how to field a ball as well, but I guess you can do that with this strange game you Brits have called cricket although the bat is a whole lot wider than a baseball bat.

Burping, farting, and swearing at tools (when you well know you're doing something wrong and there's nothing wrong with the tool!) are also required learnings for any boy.

1. shed. a place of quite contemplation / pottering
2. learn to use an electrical screwdriver, without fear of electrocution
3. fishing. keep bait in fridge (also very good for magasine collection / catalogues)

fishing. no bait in fridge. otherwise he will end ou as bait.

[have seen "bait" wriggling in pots in fridges. utterly disgusting]

but you have to keep the bait in the fridge. Then when you go fishing take one out of the box and warm it up in your mouth before pushing the hook through the now warm and wriggly body.