What other "Dad" things do I need to learn?

[MavisEnderby]

I am now mum and dad since dp died.So here is a lighthearted thread about the Dad things I have learnt to do since dp is no longer here.Any suggestions for other Dad things I need to learn welcome!

1)Assemble flat pack furniture

Nightmare.It took me 2 hours to put together a CD tower thingummy.(Dp,I know you used to drive me mad with a lot of things at times but I take back all the moaning I did when you used to do all the DIY)

2)Taught ds to ride a bike without stabilisers

A park and lots of time and encouragement needed for this one

3)Taking the bins out

Enough said

4)Taken ds to the football

Not even the team I support.2 hours sat in the cold watching mediocre football in midwinter eeeek

5)Playing football in the park.

DS "You're not really very good at this are you Mum"

6)Assembling Starwars Lego (partially)

Ds "Hmm I think Daddy was much better at this" Big fat fail,we never did manage to fully assemble the Star Wars spaceship thingy.There are about 200 instructions.Crazy

7)Mending the broken Wii

Me "Are you sure we can't just turn it all off and then turn it back on again?"

DS (plaintive wail) "But then I'll lose level 200 (or something) on Lego Harry Potter

By some miracle managed to get it going again

Will add more as they crop up.

Ooh, I know -

Order endlessly random things from Wiggle. Then when someone else excitedly answers door to postman delivering a parcel they are always disappointed to find it's only ANOTHER BIKE BIT.

FannyAnny - are you married to my dh? He is addicted to Wiggle, he even gets excited about the little packets of sweets they put in with each order.

I'd say this is the best thread I have seen on this site so far, all true too. I second the importance of banter, its like a second language for my DP and his mates, and it can sometimes be a truth sharing ceremony lol. And the importance of knowing the rules to cricket (actually all sports really), even if he is a football guy and will never watch a cricket match a day in his life.

In all seriousness I think banter is one of the keystones of the vast majority of successful male-male friendships. Sitting at a table and telling tall tales, taking the piss out of each other, making deliberately provocative statements and then defending them just for the fun of the debate... It's an important social ritual.

A disinterest in sport can be got around, particularly if you're willing to take the piss out of sports nuts and be prepared to have the piss taken out of you for not knowing who plays for whom.

Oh dear - I am slightly disturbed that I already do many of these things! DH does some of them too but there are gaps in his range - especially when it comes to tools-on-the-kitchen-bench/tape in the drawers/anything electrical. He's handy with a saw though...

Other things - play indoor football/tennis with inappropriate items, causing imminent danger to any ornaments/mugs/glasses that happen to be about.

Learn to channel-hop with the tv remote, especially to find the "most interesting news".

Perfect the art of leaving the tv/DVD player remote somewhere obscure and then blaming everyone else for having moved it.

Never know where anything remotely domestic is kept, and having once found it, be completely unable to remember where to put it back.

In the summer, hose each other in the name of "watering the garden" and come in giggling and soaked.

Hubby is in the forces and is away 8 months out of one year, i am known when he is away by 4 yr old DD as dum and mad, her joke.
I agree with cables, cables every were. Also forget to feed the kids until the youngest starts foraging under the table.
A must is to go on you tube with your son, ours are 2 and 8 months and watch timberjacks walking machine and tractor pulling all day.
Take the bins out and come back in with old engine parts muttering i think i can make something with this.
Go to vintage car rallies.
Spend the day in B&Q scratting through the 50p, £1 and £2 pound bins buying things that might be useful.
Come home with the wrong baby in a similar outfit, my friends husband really did this. Same car seat, same jacket, wrong newborn, oops.
Call him son when you are proud and boy in a growly voice when mad or exasperated.
Have a man crush on Clint Eastwood, and have a stash of badly hidden Dirty Harry films.
Celebrate Christmas with Die Hard and a fish finger sandwich, memories from my Christmas aged 12 first without mum, not quite turkey but hey Dad did ok.
Watch hardcore reality tv such as Ax Men or Deadliest Catch, and sigh with admiration.
Oh and love your kids loads and when you think they're not listening praise them in a backhand way.

perfect the art of going to the toilet when everyone else is sitting in the car ready to go out.

yy Cosmosis! Just need to add.....

....and forgetting to make sure your dc has been to the toilet, so three miles down the road, guess what? He needs a wee.

And hasn't got his coat on. Or the proper shoes. Because you never checked, you just got yourself ready. Apart from the toilet bit, of course.

Make sure you leave going to the toilet just as dinner is ready! So everyone else can sit there waiting for you! My DH , dad, brother and FIL all have a tendency to do this!

Agree wholeheartedly with most of the above -especially the need to overresearch everything! Particularly if it is to do with cars or bikes. Ditto with those who OHs have Wiggle obbessions.

Never swear apart from in the car then wonder why your two year old repeats said words in front of granny

Following on from the toilet posts....

Make sure when you stink it out you leave the door open so he can smell it too and when he complains/gags, proudly announce with a smile "Everyone likes their own brand"

Give long winded, convoluted explanations to your five year old then wonder why they wander off - bored!

Wilbur - Doubt your DH has time for bigamy, what with all the bike-fiddling. I suspect our DHs are keeping Wiggle in profit on their own. Do you also have piles of out-of-date MBR in your downstairs loo?

Make sure you stick your tongue out slightly in moments of concentration

ah, Mavis, you're going to have to swap between days for this!
one day, you'll be farting and pooing and laughing about it, then the next day, you'll be mum again, so complaining that the house smells of a sewer!

"5. He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy..."

LOL - substitute "Putting in contact lenses" for "Going to the toilet" when everyone is ready to go out for my OH though

Contribution from my DH.

Know how to joint and bone a chicken
Learn the right way to fell a tree? with an axe if possible
Make fire

Oh, remembered another one - eat an uncomfortably hot curry, then make lots of unfunny jokes about putting the toilet paper in the fridge when you get home.

Coming at this from the other side of the debate (as it were)

Things I have learnt since DW passed:

How to cook Sunday lunch so that it is all ready at the same time (well at least within 5 minutes, my first attempts were a five course affair as each bit arrived over a half hour period)

To put a tescos delivery away in under 10 minutes (previously I thought a whole afternoon doing bit and bobs in the TV breaks was fine)

Remember that bedding needs changing more than twice a year.

Know the finer points of horse riding - can now spot when a horse leads on the wrong foot.

Ask your mother is not an acceptable response to all diffcult questions.

Prepare a meal unprepared when we get home at the wrong time and the kids are starving.

Things I will not learn:

To shop for shoes - "you have enough, I am not going"

Ride a horse that anything faster than a trot, my only attempt to keep up with DD was not successful.

Leave early "just in case" - why?

Farting is socially unacceptable - but medically necessary.

Wait until your ds is holding an icecream/lolly,then shout 'Look over there!'The minute he turns to look,lean over and take a huge mouthful of loly/icecream.

Come in just before your ds is about to go to bed and get him all riled up by chasing,tickling,throwing on the sofa.

Challenge him to vault over a five bar gate and climb trees at every oppourtunity.

Make round chips.My dad once did this when my mum was in hospital and I can still remember it decades later.

oh, yes yes to round chips!
my dad did those sometimes!

Watch TV with one hand down the front of your trousers.