Trigger* ‘examination’ by mother age 6 (female) Was I Molested?

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Trigger warning - I’m currently in week 6 of therapy for CPTSD (witnessing and hearing older sister battered by parents as a child) I’ve been talking it out weekly, last week it came up that 3 of us were bathed together (ages 12/8/2) in same bath. Mother was always always always around when naked, but never available to me when I was clothed in normal life. After therapy this week that evening, I had another strong memory of mother telling me she had to ‘check for worms’ in my privates, laid me on her bed on a towel and went ahead ‘looking’. There was never anything there! This is so upsetting and confusing for me today. On one occasion she used eyebrow tweezers to ‘get closer’. I think I was 6 or 7. I think it only happened less than 10 times but can’t exactly recall exact number. I was never frightened, but i remember feeling exposed and the light above my head was so bright. She was nonchalant, calm in manner, and insistant throughout. I feel sick and so confused. I’m seeing my therapist this week and really feel I need to tell them about this but it is so humiliating. Any help appreciated- not sure why I’m posting but it’s going round and round my mind and I guess it needs to get gone somehow?

@token- I meant that I’ve always felt uncomfortable being in the bathroom with my older kids as I know they can wash independently by a certain age (8+) and I respect their boundaries. I think I’m getting at I never understood why most of my friends had bathroom privacy back then, but not my house. I should probably put the whole thing out of my head, but that’s easier said than done…
Therapy has started because the age of my daughters has somehow brought back flashbacks of my home life when I was the age they are now, and so much of it back then just wasn’t good enough I feel.

I had a slightly different thought OP - you mentioned your older sister took the brunt of beatings and that your mum was always around when you were naked….. it wasn’t your sister who was SA and it was found out was it?

That could explain why your mum was aggressive towards her but also why your mum would be there when you were all naked to prevent anything further happening? Could she have been checking you to make sure whoever had SA your sister wasn’t turning their attention on you?

Your feelings are valid.

That said, I have pics of me and siblings in the bath that I treasure- they're v sweet! And I have loads of my own dc too - they loved a pic with a bubbly beard etc!

It's so hard to say. I'm a child of the 70s/80s and my parents never examined me for worms. Does being Californian make a difference? I don't know.
I was never made to undress for them for any reason other than being helped into the bath/swimming pool or getting dressed and undressed when I was small. I mean, I'd strip naked and run through the sprinklers kind of thing but nothing in my memory bank makes me feel uncomfortable.
Which is NOT the case for you, OP.
And yes, we had a few bath photos. No big deal. My siblings and I would all take a bath together in bath water used by one of our parents. Abusive? Nope. Gross? Hell yeah. Sign of the times though. Broke ass 1970s.
But just because my experience is benign and feels benign doesn't mean yours is.

Back to your mum... this is a hard one. I don't quite know how to call it but what I will say is this, if it doesn't feel right or sit well with you now, you need to listen to that feeling.
My opinion? It feels weird to me, your experience. It doesn't sit right. I'm not sure what this was for your mum. But I think you need to dig a little deeper with your therapist on this one. It's really important that you do this. Forums can create a weird little echo chamber and sort of ignite what might be a false narrative. You want to explore your history and your memories before allowing strangers access to it/them. I speak from experience. My daughter was sexually abused by her dad over a 5 year period. Experiences like this deserve to be handled with utmost care so that, in your own case, if you do discover that this was, in fact, an abusive/exploitative act on your mum's behalf, you can begin the process of recovery.

This isn't unusual in my household
My daughter once told me her vagina felt funny. I asked if I should look and found a worm. Gross.
Photos in the bath were common until age 5-6.
I do still take photos of bodies as dd has frequent issues requiring medical attention e.g hives on buttocks

While medicine would have existed then, as it does now, it’s very common that people don’t want to give the medicine unless there ARE actually worms. A lot of people won’t give kids medicine on the basis there may either be or not be worms, but give it anyway.

I think you’ll find the multiple kids in a bath very normal. When my cousins came to visit, or I them, we’d all be bathed together. I can remember being in hospital, would have been around 9/10yo and they used to stick all kids on the ward (4 to a ward) in a bath together every couple of days. They would never do that these days, due to infection control if nothing else (!!!!), let alone some me legal nightmare should a kid even brush against another kid, but in principle it wasn’t considered odd to bathe kids together, even ones that were essentially strangers. I think you’ll find will find most people have photos of kids in baths, I have photos of my kids and there are photos of me. Traditionally bubble bath was used to hide genitals showing in the photos.

Same with toilet/shower privacy, in and of itself it’s not an absolute. No one in our household shuts doors when in the loo/shower unless we have guests, just never have done, and my (adult) kids who share bathrooms think nothing of going to grab their toothbrush or other required toiletries if they are hurrying to get out and someone is on the loo or in the shower. But then, most do the nuddie run back from the shower to their bedrooms to get changed (to save them having to walk the wet towel back to bathroom, and they can’t be bothered taking clothes in), so none really seem to care at all. Whereas, this would never occur in some other households I’m sure.

There’s a difference between naked when getting kids dressed after a bath (perfunctory into pyjamas quick as possible type thing) and a mother who ‘lingers’ and stares a LOT and doesn’t really help the child (as mine did) quite invasive feeling but so hard to explain I’ll be putting it out of my head anyhow, therapist will probably want to talk
more of it but maybe it’s not a good idea to do so

God of all the photos I’ve seen of kids in the bath not once did it ever cross my mind to think it strange. I would now but only because it’s not the done thing anymore and I always shared the bath with my siblings.
And the checking for worms, I did that with my own DC only they were a lot younger. Also the same for nits when they showed up although I know that’s different.

Op I really think this is innocent. Sorry you’re so troubled I do get it coming from an abusive past myself.

Very hard to say. It’s perfectly normal for parents to take pictures of kids in the bath, I even have some of my kids up on the wall.

I also remember my mum checking to see if we had worms which we did frequently as kids. The medicine (pripsen) used to make me and my sister vomit so we’re keen to avoid it. We still can’t drink strawberry/raspberry flavour drinks several decades later.

I was asked by a pharmacist if I’d seen the worms. He wouldn’t give me medication unless I had.

I took photos of DS in the bath, he was born in 1996. By 2006 I knew bath photos of children were no longer appropriate. It’s sad in a way- we’d do bubble moustaches and mohicans.

Thanks to all latest posters - i do appreciate your thoughtful and measured replies.

I think I’ll leave it at that now.

It WAS the 80’s and we all know things were often done then that no sane parent would do now in the home.

I don't know OP. Could be innocent. I was an eighties mother and bathed my kids together and have pictures. I also was always present because of water being dangerous for the younger ones. Never did the worm inspection but it could be a think I guess and maybe she was overly anxious about it. However either way you seem traumatised and I guess you may never know for sure.

Sorry OP didn't see your last post.