Falsely accused - sorry it's long

[Dontknow0]

Has anyone had this happen or been falsely accused of anything?

Last week I was called into a meeting at my place of work where I do my volunteering at a therapy unit, to see my line manager and superior. Obviously I was thinking all sorts of things but nothing to what I was accused of. Yes you read that right, accused.

I was asked to sit down and they proceeded to inform me that I had been accused of showing photos of myself in states of undress to someone at my place of work running a red light and nearly crashing the car. Well obviously this is total fabrication on someone there. I would never do anything like what I have been accused of.

For a start I would never run a red light, least of with people in my care in the car. And very nearly crashing the car; I have always been in control of the car – it is more than my jobs worth. I am not responsible for other drivers. I have always checked my passengers have been all right. I never reported these idiotic drivers to the staff at my place of work – why should I have? I would be continuing telling them about these drivers.. The crash I think someone has mentioned is the one that happened to ANOTHER DRIVER outside a car park exit a few months ago. Someone (NOT ME) was coming out of the exit, I had let them out while I was in the queue for the traffic lights, and literally out of nowhere a car came hurtling down the road and smashed straight into this other car on the right front side. This person didn’t hang around they literally just drove off. Although the car that had been hit followed it and that was that. So no more was done. I remember telling my passengers the next day that I had seen my first hit and run. But that it was nothing to do with me, I just witnessed it. Maybe that was the crash they thought of.

Now onto the allegations of showing photos. They are not true and I never would do that at all to anyone, let alone to anyone in my care. To say I was horrified and sick to my stomach is an understatement. I then got angry and felt I was being judged already as well as being found guilty. I said they were making out I was a sexual predator – which I am definitely NOT. I was abused as a kid why would I do something like that to someone else.

All they kept saying was a state of undress but couldn’t elaborate how, which I do feel suspicious. To me that says they don’t know, ergo the other person is lying.

Why would they get in the car after I had allegedly done this? Why not immediately report it? Why carry on getting in the car if I made them feel unsafe? And why only say it after I had gone in to my place of work the previous day for a meeting and had seen me in the building? Why then – I had been off 3 weeks they could say anytime during that 3 weeks, not conveniently the last few days before I finish my holiday. And why can’t they say when it happened? Yes I have show pics – of my cats and dog, and the meals I have prepared. One even asked for a copy of the receipe which I did send a link to, which I not know I shouldn’t have done and was silly of me.

I don’t understand why they would say I showed pictures of me in various states of undress – what does that actually mean for gods sake? Did I intentionally show these pictures to whoever, what state of undress did it show, did it show it was me in the alleged photo – what photos? I have gone through my phone and there are no photos that would even construe this…

Why say I would do this, what do they gain apart from ruining not only my life but also my husbands as he has to leave the chairmanship of the governors and possibly his job without his pension etc.. All because someone wants to hurt me, or think it is funny to do this, or is a fantasist and wants the attention.

I seriously can’t believe this is happening. Why would they do it? I hate it, I mean I’m not like that , this isn’t me – I ve gone through abuse etc when I was young why would I even do it as an adult?

Thankfully I have friends that don’t believe this story, and can’t believe someone would say this about me, and are really concerned about me, and disgusted that someone could say this. And are sticking by me , one even went as far as ringing my place of work to see what support they were offering me. Not just for the accuser as it totally destroys my life. The accuser gets all the support every day of my workplace in groups etc, I don’t.

I will be quitting volunteering after this is all sorted as I cannot go in and do my job, this will forever be hanging over even when I am found to be innocent. What is that saying “mud sticks” or “no smoke without fire”

Now it’s a waiting game until the phone call next week to advise my meeting.

This feels like it’s a dream and I’m going to wake up any minute. Why would someone do this?

@Steamfan thank you for that link, I'll sit and look at it later when my head is in a better place.

@StealthPolarBear thankfully mine comes under public law as I'm only volunteering so dont have an employment. Well this is what the husband has just said .

Whenever a serious allegation is made, management have to look into it, even if they suspect it's false. If you work with people with BPD then you might at times find yourself accused of things which aren't true - I have had that experience.

Is your DH a Governor at the place you volunteer or do you mean he's a school governor somewhere else? There is no reason why he should have to resign in either case, but if he is a governor or trustee where you volunteer he may need to temporarily remove himself from meetings etc in case there is an accusation of collusion.

Op. So you know who made the allegations? Who is she, do you know why she would do this.

@EmmaGrundyForPm yes I do work with people that have BPD, I have it myself, but this is my first experience of being accused of something I havent done.

Luckily he is a chairman of governors elsewhere. I've just told him he won't need to leave them, he seems a lot happier

I really feel for you. I have a job in a caring profession and was once falsely accused of something equally bad. There truly was no evidence whatsoever (not just a question of different perspectives). The person accusing me went around telling everybody about what I had done, as well as pursuing a formal complaint. I found out then that ordinary people have no hope of bringing defamation cases. To anyone thinking that there is no smoke without fire, please think carefully and reserve judgement unless you really do know all the facts.

In my case, my accuser was eventually sent to prison for lying to a judge (long story) and it emerged she had a very long history of official complaints. I am not sure if this was a psychological problem or attempts to gain compensation. Perhaps a combination of both. Anyway I just wanted to say you have my utmost sympathy. I lost my mind and judgement during this period. You can easily begin to question your memory and sanity when someone plausibly insists something is true and other people take them seriously. I really hope it's sorted out soon for you.

One thing though OP. It's really important that you hold on to the truth even when you doubt it or feel that everyone else is embellishing and getting away with it. Your husband has not lost his job. You said he had. Exaggerating to the point of lying will not help your defence and you may lose sympathy from people who could support you.

@Bluntness100 sadly I have no idea who has made this allegation. I know they can't tell me just yet. But it's annoying not knowing and wondering as to why she would do this and also what did I do to her to get this.

Why do you assume it's a woman then?

@HelloCheeky oh I didn't realise I had put he had, that was an error on my part I was trying to say he possibly could lose his job.. I do apologise for misleading. I couldnt find the edit button.no excuse I know.

@Bluntness100 I've only ever driven women in the car.

RE: unions and voluntary work, you can join Unite Community if you are unemployed or on a pension - it's for everyone.

unitetheunion.org/why-join/member-offers-and-benefits/member-offers/community-membership-benefits/

@WorldEndingFire many thanks for that link. Definately something I will consider.

Firstly I’m sorry such an unpleasant thing has happened to you, particularly when you’re doing a good deed. Secondly do follow up with the links given by a PP.

I hope it helps to consider what someone else said about catastrophising. For a moment take out the emotion and personal feelings and consider the facts starting with you know you did not do these things. You do know what a state of undress means and you do know if you have any photos of yourself like this or not. Most of all you know if you’d ever show them to a stranger. Once you’ve cleared your mind properly move on to the fact that once a complaint has been made, management have a responsibility to follow it up. If there’s no one with a grudge or vendetta against you, then it really doesn’t help to keep asking why someone would do this, they just have and it will be sorted.

Make notes, as has been said, dates, times and locations. Make a note that you have not had any incidents, or near incidents when driving. Make a note that you do not have any inappropriate photographs and have behaved with propriety at all times. Do not extend this situation to include your husband’s position. Cross each bridge as you come to it.

When dealing with any questions stay brief, factual and keep your language professional and unemotional. You only need to say that the allegations are wholly unfounded and you categorically refute them.

Maybe the CAB can advise? I was falsely accused years ago, allegations of abuse, totally untrue. My union rep wiped the floor with them but it was hugely upsetting.

He demanded to see all the evidence before he would even comment. You need to do the same. If they can't offer evidence like screenshots they can take a running jump. You may be able to chat to a solicitor for a small fee to see what your rights are. This is defamatory and slanderous. You can Sue and it's worth pointing this out.