Feel free to rip this apart. I'm not precious.

[AliceScarlett]

I'd appreciate some feedback if anyone had the time and inclination. I've never written fiction before and I'm approaching it as I would with any skill. I want to learn and practice. Like swimming or something.

This is the 3rd paragraph, I'm trying to introduce my protagonist in her natural setting.

I'd appreciate feedback on tense if possible too. I don't know how to keep writing in the past tense :/

"I stacked the plates in the dishwasher, placed a clean mug on the worktop and flicked the switch on the cheapest kettle available on Prime. Two months ago I had discovered minimalism during aimlessly browsing for podcasts to be absorbed in. With the usual vigour that overtook me when I decided a particular ideology would be the key to my salvation I threw away a large proportion of my possessions, including the toaster. Why buy, clean and maintain a commodity that capitalism tells you you need? They said. So I did. Keen to rise above the socially constructed consumerism that lied to me about how possessions would fill my emptiness. As a result I couldn’t leave the toast under the grill unattended as it would set the fire alarm off, and apparently increase my risk of cancer. I decided to risk it for a minute, put two slices of Tesco Wholemeal Medium bread on the wire-rack and walked towards my phone simultaneously pushing out of my mind the image of the tin-foil underneath the grill-pan, saturated with crumbs."

I can't give you any constructive feedback other than to say I love the way you write .

Ok. What sort of book is it? Where would it sit on a bookshelf - beside which books?

When you think of writing in the past tense, think of telling a friend about something that's just happened. It's exactly the same and because you are writing in the first person, it's easy to do.

Because apparently overdone toast causes cancer now! But I cant reference The Fail can I? (Dailyfail, 2018). I'm used to writing academically

In above example, when did she throw the toaster away? As she's speaking or on a previous day?

Burnt food has been seen as carcinogenic for decades.

@HollowTalk I can't think of a genre, so I'm going to go for very poor literary. This is part of the problem. Its a bit like Eleanor Oliphant.

Good tip about telling a friend.

two slices of Tesco Wholemeal Medium bread

This is too detailed. "A couple of slices of bread" would do here.

Previous day, 2 months ago.

I had no idea burnt food was so dangerous until recently.

Yes I'm not sure why I'm obsessed with brand names :/ Thank-you.

Tense seems fine.

I feel like it ought to be 'whilst' browsing rather than 'during' browsing.

Also, you can get rid of the 'as a result'.... You're doing well enough at painting a picture of a protagonist that the reader will get that she did x due to y and put the two together.

I know it's nerve wracking, but you have to have faith in your ability to describe things in such a way that you don't need to spoon-feed your reader with explanations of their motivation. Part of the fun for the reader is joining the dots!

I like it, though. I think you're starting from a good place.

(disclaimer: I am no literary critic! These are just my thoughts on reading what you've written. And I may of course be talking out my arse)

"It reads like you've used a thesaurus on every other word. " Thats because I've used a thesaurus for every 3rd word! Its so boring when I use my boring vocabulary though.

It is concerning you had to re-read everyline. Not what I was going for.

Re genre, the problem is that this is very first thing an agent will have to consider, because she needs to know who to pitch it to in the publishing houses.

Anna Davies, of Curtis Brown said this in her webchat the other day:

"Publishers are particularly keen on 'Uplit' now - i.e. novels with a strong emotional story which ultimately show triumph over adversity. They're often funny but darkly so - though they tend to have an upward trajectory (hence Uplit). Eleanor Olliphant is an example - and really is the key trend-setting book here."

Here.

@ClashCityRoller Thank-you I'll revisit those bits.

Excellent! Uplit it is. Although by the time I've finished it it will be out of fashion.

Also, I don't think saturated is the right word. It doesn't feel natural - you'd never say 'oh no, my grill pan is saturated in crumbs'.

Plus I always think of moisture when I think of saturated.

I agree about with the overuse of big words. Reminds me of Joeys adoption letter in Friends.

However, I do think I would like the book if you toned this down. I wouldn't relate to the story teller at all with language like this.

Ok.

"I stacked the plates in the dishwasher, placed a clean mug on the worktop and flicked the switch on the cheapest kettle available on Prime. Two months ago I had discovered minimalism during aimlessly browsing for podcasts. With the usual energy that overtook me when I decided a particular ideology would be the key to my salvation I threw away a large proportion of my possessions, including the toaster. Why buy, clean and maintain a commodity that capitalism tells you you need? They said. So I did. Keen to rise above the socially constructed consumerism that lied to me about how possessions would fill my emptiness. I couldn’t leave the toast under the grill unattended now as it would set the fire alarm off, and apparently burnt food is carcinogenic. I decided to risk it for a minute, put two slices of bread on the wire-rack and walked towards my phone simultaneously pushing out of my mind the image of the tin-foil underneath the grillpan, covered with crumbs."

I like how it sounds slightly less like pretentious wank. Yay.

Look at what you have in this paragraph and think about what you need to say.

What the character does:

• I stacked the plate in the dishwasher
• I placed a clean mug on the worktop
• I flicked the switch on the cheapest kettle available on Prime
• I put two slices of Tesco Wholemeal Medium bread on the wire rack
• I walked towards my phone simultaneously pushing out of my mind the image of the tin foil underneath the grill pan, saturated with crumbs.

What the character wants you to know about her:

• She threw away her toaster
• She’s worried about getting cancer from burned toast
• She’s worried about setting off the fire alarm
• She’s keen to rise above the socially constructed consumerism that lied to her about how possessions would fill her emptiness

Is any of this important or more important than the rest?

Thank you everyone, the clear message is to use less arty-farty language, so I shall. I read in "How to Write" by Harry Bingham that if your work doesn't fit into genre fiction then the prose needs to be AMAZING or you have nothing. So I think I was just trying to sound cool, when actually its just alienating people. Good shout people.

I like it. What kind of cover would your book have?

I'd say only the last point is important.

@HollowTalk But I'm trying to bring her to life and make her seem normal.

It does, it really does.

The first word that comes to mind is usually the right word - put the thesaurus away!