Feel free to rip this apart. I'm not precious.

[AliceScarlett]

I'd appreciate some feedback if anyone had the time and inclination. I've never written fiction before and I'm approaching it as I would with any skill. I want to learn and practice. Like swimming or something.

This is the 3rd paragraph, I'm trying to introduce my protagonist in her natural setting.

I'd appreciate feedback on tense if possible too. I don't know how to keep writing in the past tense :/

"I stacked the plates in the dishwasher, placed a clean mug on the worktop and flicked the switch on the cheapest kettle available on Prime. Two months ago I had discovered minimalism during aimlessly browsing for podcasts to be absorbed in. With the usual vigour that overtook me when I decided a particular ideology would be the key to my salvation I threw away a large proportion of my possessions, including the toaster. Why buy, clean and maintain a commodity that capitalism tells you you need? They said. So I did. Keen to rise above the socially constructed consumerism that lied to me about how possessions would fill my emptiness. As a result I couldn’t leave the toast under the grill unattended as it would set the fire alarm off, and apparently increase my risk of cancer. I decided to risk it for a minute, put two slices of Tesco Wholemeal Medium bread on the wire-rack and walked towards my phone simultaneously pushing out of my mind the image of the tin-foil underneath the grill-pan, saturated with crumbs."

@HollowTalk Great advice. I'll try that. So cool you're a published author, I feel honoured

@ThanksHunkyJesus Thanks Hunky Jesus. You're right. Bugger.

I think the key thing is, op, sometimes less is more.

You've got this character and you know who she is, inside and out. And you want your readers to know this too, so you're telling them every little thing to try and point them in the right direction and you really don't need to.

The pp's point (hollowtalk? I can't scroll back on my phone) is good - what is the key point of this scene? Your readers don't need to know everything about the character's motivations and ideologies in the opening paragraphs - these can develop throughout the novel, and will make it much more interesting.

Yes, it's MUCH easier to criticise than to write! Don't lose heart.

One thing - if I'd thrown out everything for those reasons, I know I would regret it later. I'd be cursing myself. And I'd probably end up buying the same thing again. Adding to landfill doesn't help the problem, either!

Lots of published writers on here - people who met on this board!

@ClashCityRoller "so you're telling them every little thing to try and point them in the right direction and you really don't need to." Yup I am doing that. Desperate to make an impact. However, as you have said slowly developing ideologies throughout the book is much more impactful...impactful is not a word...best get the thesaurus out +eye roll+

@HollowTalk Mumsnet is great, I'm so grateful for all the support and advice I've had over the years.

Minimalism to make space for more stuff, its a classic!

I'm not sure hunky Jesus is right, after all every book could be condensed into a paragraph. The point of writing fiction is to draw the reader in so they are living it there with the hero. Description is key. Saturate is an incorrect use of the word. The punctuation is a bit dodgy and the sentence with keen in it is grammatically incorrect, but the character is interesting and I might read more to find out why she felt the need to embrace minimalism. Some of the abovee points would come out in your second draft or edited out anyway. Good luck.

I like to realise something about a character myself rather than just being told it. And if you know eg 20 things about your character, you can scatter them through the book rather than telling us about them at the beginning. Make the reader do some work!

In your first draft, just tell the story. Don't worry about the descriptive words - those can be changed. You certainly shouldn't be stopping and starting - it stops you concentrating.

Sometimes it takes quite a few pages (in one sitting) before the writing flows well and you find you have to edit much less in the later pages than in the first ones.

In that scene above, you could have her pack a box of stuff, ready for the charity shop. The guy from the shop picks it up, is happy with it all and she gives a little patronising talk about consumerism. Then the guy leaves. She makes toast. She burns it. She orders a new toaster.

With the usual vigour that overtook me when I decided a particular ideology would be the key to my salvation I threw away a large proportion of my possessions, including the toaster. Why buy, clean and maintain a commodity that capitalism tells you you need? They said. So I did. Keen to rise above the socially constructed consumerism that lied to me about how possessions would fill my emptiness.

This section is the main problem. You could get across that she needed to change something hence using a self help book/ podcast, so she threw everything away, but then had to replace it all again (explains why she's got a cheap kettle?) Does she agree with the book now she's done it? Or does she think it's a load of rubbish that's left her with a barely furnished house? How does she feel about it? I think that's more important than a list of "she did this, then she did that" I'm not an author or editor though. Just a voracious reader who likes to write.

Day 4 of writing the book and I've realised I don't know how to structure a sentence. I don't understand how to use active rather than passive voice, I don't know what a run-on sentence is, I don't know how to stay in the past tense.

I feel like I need to find a KS2 English book and remind myself about verbs and nouns.

[Headdesk]

But I have written 3 paragraphs today introducing my character again and I only used a thesaurus twice. I've written in large letter in the header "Don't sound like a pretentious twat". Which is helping.

I read this:

“... the desert, where there is the communal book of moonlight. We were among the rumour of wells. In the palace of winds.”
― Michael Ondaatje, The English Patient

and kind of wanted to scream. This guy is an award winning writer, this sentence is clearly a work of art, but I don't understand how it doesn't make sense. Communal book of moonlight?! What? It isn't even a vague metaphor. It isn't specific, so why is it good?

I think 'good' is very subjective ...
I'm happy to help, if you like. PM me if you want a chat

But you don't want to use someone else's words. You want to use your own, surely? You don't want to imitate. You're clearly an intelligent and articulate woman - sit down and write that story, then in your second draft, make it beautiful

@JeannePoole that's super kind of you, I shall do.

@HollowTalk Of course! But I need to learn from people who know how. First draft will probably be ok, but I have no idea how to make it beautiful.

Do you have many writing books? I used to like the Sol Stein books. Stephen King's book On Writing is good, too.

@HollowTalk I read Kings book and Bird by Bird and Elements of style. But that was a while ago. I've just ordered some new ones, hopefully they will be of help.

It's humbling and daunting to keep realising everyday just how difficult this is and how many gaps I have in skills knowledge and ability. But I either rise to the challenge or I don't. Currently I'm enjoying the process.

Is it normal to re-read what you spent 2 hours writing the day before and want to throw it out of the window?

That is completely normal!

One thing I do is to just write it all the way through and don't edit any of it until the book's finished. I use Comments on Word to make notes if I remember something I should have put in earlier. I find that the more you write the less you need to edit later - you really do get into the swing of things. Also muttering "Everyone's first draft is crap" helps!

Definitely look into writing books. They'll make you think about conflict and story. It's all very well writing about toast but in the end that tells me nothing about the story or why I want to turn to the next page.

I know when you start out it's tricky because you are unsure of everything, but I would keep writing MORE and get into your work, rather than rewriting paragraph three which may or may not be important and which during the editing process might get deleted anyway!

All good points, but I don't want to commit to writing 30k+ words when I'm not capable of putting anything half-decent together. If I can't get three paragraphs 'right' I'm not going to be able to get 3 chapters 'right'.

But yeah, maybe I need to smash out 5k and see what happens.

"I have been obsessed with sickness since I was six. My friends lost interest in playing Doctors and Nurses hours before I did. Now I’m twenty six and get paid to do it for real.
On the bus to work I reminded myself that it is a privilege to work in London’s most prestigious children hospitals as a paediatric nurse in the NICU. Taking notice of what I am grateful for is a lesson my mum taught me, she learnt it in Alcoholics Anonymous, so it must be worthwhile. I extended my gratitude to the combination of sweat and breath on the window as it shielded me from an accurate view of Russell Square. I huddled up away from the city. The bus drove on past Russell square towards the hospital far too quickly, demanding that I excuse myself out of my cocoon and into the open. As soon as my feet touched the pavement I transformed like a baby butterfly in a hurry, ignorant to the disadvantages of speed. Haste forced my head down and made looking anywhere but my immediate destination compulsory. I knew the striding legs belonged to my fellow humans, but in this state I had no capacity to feel connected and reduced them to obstacles in my path. The dishonest cocoon identified itself again and wrapped tighter around me."

The sentences don't flow, at all. Its like plonk plonk plonk, it jars. I'm trying to:

Introduce her

Introduce setting

She feels lonely in London

But these seemingly simple things are so hard.....one day I will accept this.

*Say she feels lonely in London

I’m a lecturer in creative writing (and other aspects of literature) and this would do ok for a first year piece. It lacks subtlety though for it to be more advanced.

You need to think about the whole for a moment: why do we want to spend time with this person? What captures our interest? What is there to uncover about her? At the moment, the samples you have given are just detailed descriptions of a character. How is our interest pricked about something this character attempts to conceal or reveal about themselves? Right now she seems a bit weak-willed and sanctimonious (consumerism as a sub-Marxist rant, doing as she’s told, a worrier). Do you want to read/write a whole novel about her?

What do you read for pleasure? How many novels a week/month do you get through and what genre are they? Spend some time analysing them critically for how/why they work (or don’t).

Also read St Aubyn’s Lost for Words, which looks at novel writing behaviours and satirises the literary world. You might find it interesting!

OK so you want to show that she's working as a medical professional in London and she's lonely.

What are the typical ways you are made to feel lonely? You approach someone and they turn away (this might not be deliberate but it's felt as a shun.) You approach a group and they start to laugh. You sit alone and nobody sits next to you. You've known someone a week and they go up to someone they've only known a day. You ask if anyone wants a coffee and they say yes, then take the coffee away with them (you were all excited about having a chat.) You hear them talking about a night out and you're not invited and you don't have the courage to invite yourself. You notice all of them have partners and you don't. They leave together at the end of the shift; nobody waits for you.

So rather than flowery language, get us inside that character's head so that we feel rebuffed and lonely.