Feel free to rip this apart. I'm not precious.

[AliceScarlett]

I'd appreciate some feedback if anyone had the time and inclination. I've never written fiction before and I'm approaching it as I would with any skill. I want to learn and practice. Like swimming or something.

This is the 3rd paragraph, I'm trying to introduce my protagonist in her natural setting.

I'd appreciate feedback on tense if possible too. I don't know how to keep writing in the past tense :/

"I stacked the plates in the dishwasher, placed a clean mug on the worktop and flicked the switch on the cheapest kettle available on Prime. Two months ago I had discovered minimalism during aimlessly browsing for podcasts to be absorbed in. With the usual vigour that overtook me when I decided a particular ideology would be the key to my salvation I threw away a large proportion of my possessions, including the toaster. Why buy, clean and maintain a commodity that capitalism tells you you need? They said. So I did. Keen to rise above the socially constructed consumerism that lied to me about how possessions would fill my emptiness. As a result I couldn’t leave the toast under the grill unattended as it would set the fire alarm off, and apparently increase my risk of cancer. I decided to risk it for a minute, put two slices of Tesco Wholemeal Medium bread on the wire-rack and walked towards my phone simultaneously pushing out of my mind the image of the tin-foil underneath the grill-pan, saturated with crumbs."

Glad that you’re keeping going. Writing is just doing it. And doing it some more. Deleting a lot. Sharpening, refining.

But mostly when you start out, it’s telling a story about something or someone. If you are bored by it, so your reader will be bored. It’s like whether or not people want to get to know the character or not: is this person (character) engaging me? Why do I want to read about this person? Same applies to the rest: why would the reader want to read about this life/event? What will they take away from it?

Also, I tend to think person rather than character when writing, or else you can get a little artificial.

However, even if what you’re doing is now less lively, it’s worth keeping going because the only way you’ll get better is by writing!

I know it might not be helpful, but I don't know anyone who published their first book - or certainly not in the form it was sent to agents/publishers. I wrote one - there wasn't enough of a plot and I chucked it away. Then I wrote two more, tried them with agents but no luck (although I had nice rejections - you learn to be very grateful for them!) So it was my fourth full book that was taken on. You learn so much by writing a book but sometimes that book isn't publishable at the end. Just don't give up - you have to be thick skinned and determined!

Thanks both of you.

I totally hear what you're saying @hollowtalk and I'm 95% sure your experience will be true for me (apart from getting published at the end, I'm much more likely to 'fail'). But I am very stubborn. I've decided to set myself an unachievable goal and enter something into the Lucy Cavendish prize in Feb 19. I need a goal and smart ones are boring. I did couch to 100k in 16 months which seemed insane but I did it.
I might have to post one more paragraph just to get me on my way...

Being stubborn is one of the qualities needed to be a writer! Goals are great and really help you get on track. Does the Lucy Cavendish competition state the book must be complete?

(Did you mean Couch to 100K???)

No you just hand in the first 40-50 pages. How many words is that?

Yes! 100k ultra marathon. It was one of the best and worst things I have ever done. 2 months recovery time. Amazing though.

You could write a book about that!

He he, not sure it would have the conflict needed for a novel! Short story maybe. It's just about being stubborn. Ultras are about 10% physical training and 90% in the mind.

I'm no writer by any means but I'm an avid reader. Thanks for this thread its given me a real insight into the struggles writers go through.

You're talking about a maximum of 15,000 words, I reckon. They do stress they want quite a detailed synopsis (have a look at the FAQ.)

Writing is 10% on the keyboard and 90% in the mind. You'll be fine!

You probably could get a non-fic book (often sold on outlines!) or some magazine articles out of the couch to 100k though - worth a think or some research!

@HollowTalk Eep 15,000 + synopsis is a lot taking into account how may skills I've got to learn. Maybe 2020 is a more realistic target.

The further I go with this the more I'm thinking I need some help to plot this. This lady on YouTube offers plot advice: ellenbrockediting.com/ Maybe I'll find someone in the UK who would help.

I'll post one more paragraph. It is still terrible, but hopefully it is slightly less terrible than my earlier attempts. I have tried to not write like a twat.

"It was Thursday lunchtime, Nicole was half way through her 12 hour shift on the NICU. Eager to eat her left-over chinese take-away from the night before, she walked through the staff room around four of her colleagues. They were sitting on vinyl green chairs, around the cheapest coffee table NHS money could buy.
“If you think you’re about to spin out and crash on the corners then you’re doing the right speed” said James, a young registrar, new to the ward.
“Yes I know. Mansplainer” replied Nicky, sticking the tip of her tounge out. Nicky knew everyone and could get away with anything.
“Don’t give me that social justice warrior shit Nicky, I’m just trying to help a girl beat a boy at go-karting”. Mock-shocked in breaths and laughter filled the room.
Nicole preferred to eat in the staff-room rather than try to find a bench in one of the more public areas of the hospital. But the reality of having to face their boisterous intimacy was making her regret her decision.
Distracted she let her fork slip between her fingers, it flipped over the worktop and splashed sauce on her uniform before clattering to the floor.
“Hi Nicole” Emma called to her. Emma was a Health Care Assistant, doing all the important jobs that were at the bottom of everyone else's to do list.
“Hey” Nicole replied. There was no choice in the matter now. She slowly cleared up the sauce and walked over to join them, giving her time to take some deep breaths.
Five minutes of trying to look interested in the go-karting conversation passed, her cheeks hurt from smiling. Soon she told herself she would gather up the courage to change the subject to something she could contribute too.
“Well I’ll still be in last place guys, like I was last night and the week before.” said Emma grinning. The realisation that most of her colleagues in the NICU went out without her on a regular basis did not meander over to give her time to prepare. Hot blood fuelled upwards by her thumping heart flooded her face. She felt eleven again. Desperate for the teacher to start the class, so she could stop pretending she couldn’t hear her classmates talking about the birthday party on Saturday.
“Do you like go-karting Nicole?” asked Emma with a gentle smile. Nicole's eyes were unoccupied. Her voice came out slightly too loud.
“No, it is too rough for me, I have no hand eye coordination for that sort of thing.
Excuse me”.
Her body walked away, leaving her attention to remain in the silence behind her."

It just reads like a 13 year old wrote it....2020 maybe.

Have you thought of writing in the first person? A scene like that can be much more effective if we see it from the narrator's point of view. I want to feel the smart of her humiliation and feel her social anxiety from within. Think of telling someone your secrets - it's much more effective to say, "I felt..." rather than "She felt..."

What do you think?

I started off in first person! Switched to 3rd and it flowed out much better. I have recently been thinking about switching back....maybe 1st draft in 3rd then edit it in 1st. Argh.

Stick with 3rd then if it flows easier. Go with what works for you.

I'm re-writing it in 1st. It does lend itself to first person.

In my amateur opinion there's no need to edit as much at this stage given that this is intended to be a novel. Once you've written a lot more you will get more of a feel for how much detail you should use. Eg, type of bread. Chapter after chapter of small details might be tedious, but it will probably depend on how you develop the plot.

I like your character and would be interested to read more about her. Of course, she's nothing like me, nothing at all, honest guv. I relate to her thanks only to my highly developed imagination. Don't for one minute get the idea that I overthink/worry/veer from ideal to ideal.....

I am reading quite a bit of humour in your prose. I don't know if, it's intended but I like it. Eg the contrast of the anti-consumerism with the Tesco bread. And the juxtaposition of your character's ideals with the nitty-gritty of her life.

At the creative writing class I attended the mantra was Show, don't tell. As pps have said, let the reader figure stuff out.

Sorry.

Pesky tablet paragraph fail.

Ok absolutely last time:

"It was Thursday lunchtime, I was half way through my twelve hour shift on the NICU. Walking through the staff room I was keen to heat up my left-over Chinese take-away from the night before. Four of my colleagues were sitting on vinyl green chairs, around the cheapest coffee table NHS money could buy. I hoped they wouldn’t exclude me as much as they usually did.
“If you think you’re about to spin out and crash on the corners then you’re doing the right speed” said James, twirling his stethoscope around.
Nicky stuck the tip of her tongue out, “Yes I know. Mansplainer”. Nicky could get away with anything.
“Don’t give me that Nicky, I’m just trying to help a girl beat a boy at go-karting”. Mock-shocked in breaths and laughter filled the room.
I preferred to eat in the staff-room rather than try to find a bench in one of the more public areas of the hospital, but the reality of having to face their boisterous intimacy was making me regret this decision. Distracted by my regret I let my fork slip between my fingers. Moron. It flipped over the worktop and splashed chow mein on my uniform. At that moment Emma called over to me. Emma was a Health Care Assistant. Her job was to do all the jobs that where bottom of our to do lists. When I had time I would help her as best I could, it made the day more bearable.
“Hey” I replied. There was no choice in the matter now. I slowly cleared up the sauce and walked over to join them, giving me time to take some deep breaths and rehearse what I was going to say.
Five minutes of trying to look interested in the go-karting conversation passed, my cheeks hurt from smiling. Soon I would gather up the courage to change the subject to something I could contribute too.
“Well I’ll still be in last place guys, like I was last night and the week before.” said Emma grinning. The realisation that most of my colleagues went out without me on a regular basis did not meander over to give me time to prepare. Not only was I here, now, with hot blood pumping into my face, I had been in this humiliating position for weeks and I hadn’t realised. Someone so ignorant deserved to feel ashamed.
The smell of my chinese was making me feel sick. I put my fork into the pot and stared at the carpet. I remembered when I was eleven, desperate for the teacher to start the class so I could stop pretending I couldn’t hear my classmates talking about the birthday party on Saturday.
“Do you like go-karting Nicole?” asked Emma. She had a gentle smile on her face. Was the intent behind it kind or mocking? I withdrew and made dead eyes. My voice came out slightly too loud.
“No, it is too rough for me, I have no hand eye coordination for that sort of thing.
Excuse me”. "

@Rogueantimatter "I am reading quite a bit of humour in your prose. I don't know if, it's intended but I like it. Eg the contrast of the anti-consumerism with the Tesco bread. And the juxtaposition of your character's ideals with the nitty-gritty of her life."

Um...yes! Totally intended

I think I'm trying to polish this as I really have no idea if I have it in me. I don't want to write 20k and realise 1, It doesn't follow a decent plot and 2, I can't write in an engaging way.

Have you heard of the term "elevator pitch"?

Imagine you were in a lift on the 20th floor. You realise you're in with an agent that you would love to represent you. She says hello and so do you, then you say you're writing a novel. "Oh what's it about?" she says. You are now at the 16th floor and you are both going to the ground floor. What would you say to her?

Sorry, I didn't mean you should tell us this pitch, just that you should know yourself what it would be.