Wedding present for Irish couple - what is the norm nowadays?

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We are off to DH's nephew's wedding next week, and thoughts have turned to wedding gifts. They've asked for cash for their honeymoon (apparently cash for wedding gifts is the norm in Ireland? Not so much in the UK, I'd say).

We asked SIL what she was giving, and she told us that the "going rate" is 150 Euro PER PERSON. I nearly fell off my chair. There are six of us going (us five, plus DS's GF), which comes to 900 Euro. That seems like a ridiculously generous sum to me....but it's years since we went to a wedding, so perhaps I'm completely out of touch.

For perspective, we have 16 nieces and nephews between us, and this is the first one to get married. I wouldn't say we are massively close to this particular nephew, and just going to the wedding is nearly bankrupting us....everything, from the hotels to the car hire is so pricy in Ireland right now. I don't want to be stingy, but at the same time, 900 Euro is a heck of a lot of money.

So what sort of sum would you give?

Only the adults give money you don't have to give any from the children.

Is everyone going an adult? If so, then yes. €250-300 per couple, €150 per single person. Your adult DC will of course fund this themselves, so you and your DH would just give €250-300 for you as a couple. Why, what had you hoped to spend on nephew's wedding gift? €250 (around £200) doesn't seem outrageous to me from an adult couple.

If the DC are children, then no beed for a separate gift from them.

*need

Yes this is correct, but only if your children are adults in which case they probably need to pay for themselves. I think younger adults might be able to get away with cheaper gifts, people understand they are not rolling in it but it’s best practice to give a gift worth at least 150 euros. If it’s an Irish wedding it’s going to be at least that amount they are paying per head, and they be probably paying even more and more than that again because someone in the mix will be taking a loan out to cover everything. So take heart, if it is very expensive, you can rest assured that they’ll probably be paying it off themselves for years to come.

What is reasonable comes down to your circumstances. Only adults give gifts not children (university students count as children for these purposes). That said no need to give money if you don't feel comfortable and fine to give less

That's absolutely crazy and not my experience at all. Please don't give that, the couple will be mortified!

In my friend group it's €100-150 from a single person and €200-250 from a couple. My aunts/uncles probably gave us €250-300 (per couple).
If your DC are adults and earning that's one thing but I wouldn't worry about them getting a gift if they're still dependents living at home.
If you aren't comfortable giving cash a Blue Book voucher is a popular wedding present - it's accepted in lots of lovely guesthouses and restaurants and is a lovely thing to have after the wedding. I got a €150 voucher from English cousins (3 couples) and I was so touched, especially because they had travelled over for the wedding. We used it for lunch in a Michelin restaurant and I still appreciate it so much 8 years later.

10 years ago it's was €150 per couple. We went to a LOT of weddings and had to fly in from the UK.

Having said that, DH mates came to our wedding in Aus, and all gave €150 😱. I was mortified (not the thing to do in Aus) and wanted to give it back.

I would give €200 from a couple and €100 from a single person. Your grown up children should be paying for their own presents, if they're students or just starting out then I'd say €50 or whatever they can afford, or a small addition to your own gift is fine. If they're working then they give their own gifts!

You'd usually give more for a DN, so maybe €300 from you and your DH.

But, it does of course all come down to what you can afford and hopefully your DN isn't a dick. One aunt gave us €1,000 and another went in with her DC to give us a restaurant voucher - both equally appreciated, very different financial circumstances.

The other consideration is if you're travelling from the UK (not sure from your OP), I think it's fair enough to give a bit less if just getting to the wedding is costing a fortune.

Thanks all - that's really helpful! Lots to think about.

The kids are all over 18, but only DS (at 22) is working - the others are students, so still being supported financially. Hence why the wedding is costing us so much to attend, as we are paying for all flights and hotels for six adults (gone are the days when they could bunk up with us on a sofa bed, and eat free breakfasts.....).

I think I will ask DS to sort out whatever he feels is right for him and his GF, then work out a fair sum for myself, DH and the DDs. 200-300 Euro sounds like it will be about right. They deserve the best for this wedding - it's been postponed twice, and they've had a baby in the meantime - they're a sweet couple.

Oof, weddings are an expensive business!

Try not to put too much pressure on yourselves, most couples would be very understanding that coming from abroad it expensive business. And even at that most couples just want you there and the gifts are a lovely but not necessary part of the wedding.

Just been to a wedding and we gave 100. I think that's fine, to be honest. I think 150 is a bit OTT.

€100 a person is more than fair. And €200 from a couple..or even 150 from a couple is absolutely fine.

I think most couples would really appreciate the effort and expense of travelling to a wedding especially if flying so wouldn't expect their guest to give a lot of money.

In my experience the going rate is more like 150 or 200 for a couple and 100 from a single person. Sometimes people choose to give more if they are close to the bride or groom.
For young adults I think it just depends on what they can afford. Maybe they could all put some money together to buy a nice present? Or all 4 put 50 each together in the one card.
I don’t think you should have to give 900 euro. Personally I think 200 from you and your DH and 200/ gift from your DC the
girlfriend would be plenty.
I’m Irish and I got married a few years ago so I am basing this advice on
gifts we received. My DH and I always give 200 in a card for a wedding gift but we did give more to my brothers on their weddings.

Update: just back from the wedding in Co.Clare - it was absolutely fabulous, and you could tell they had spent a lot of money (and time) on it. Not just the wedding....there was a Day Two / Afterparty, which apparently is a thing in Ireland - who knew?! My liver hasn't yet recovered.

We ended up giving €250, and DS and his GF gave €150. It felt like the right amount. Thanks for your input!

I'm delighted you had a great time. Yeah day 2 is a big thing. I'm not a fan of it myself but it can be a great day.

If the people hosting the wedding are taking out a huge loan, & guests are utterly daunted at the size of the required gift, than something has gone wrong with people's expectations.

Sorry, should have read update.
Glad you enjoyed it!

The fact that there’s a “going rate” is very off putting to me. It’s a gift after all ( the cost of the wedding is incidental and something the guests have no control over after all )

Do you not think there's a going rate for most presents? Fiver in the collection for someone leaving at work, £7 jigsaw for a birthday party, £20 for friends' birthdays etc - usually when you need to give a present you know roughly what you want to spend and what would be a typical amount to spend.

The reason I started this thread is because I was so out of touch with what is an acceptable wedding gift amount - particularly in a country where I don't live!

But I agree it's not a quid pro quo - the cost of the wedding isn't really relevant.

What would you say would be a typical cost per head for the bride and groom?
I can't believe they would spend 150 euro per head so presumably they end up with some money leftover?

But it's not about what THEY spend.....

We've a wedding next week. Is €200 for a couple a decent gift? We could give more but I think it just seems mental the way we Irish keep driving up how much we give as wedding gifts.