Wedding present for Irish couple - what is the norm nowadays?

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We are off to DH's nephew's wedding next week, and thoughts have turned to wedding gifts. They've asked for cash for their honeymoon (apparently cash for wedding gifts is the norm in Ireland? Not so much in the UK, I'd say).

We asked SIL what she was giving, and she told us that the "going rate" is 150 Euro PER PERSON. I nearly fell off my chair. There are six of us going (us five, plus DS's GF), which comes to 900 Euro. That seems like a ridiculously generous sum to me....but it's years since we went to a wedding, so perhaps I'm completely out of touch.

For perspective, we have 16 nieces and nephews between us, and this is the first one to get married. I wouldn't say we are massively close to this particular nephew, and just going to the wedding is nearly bankrupting us....everything, from the hotels to the car hire is so pricy in Ireland right now. I don't want to be stingy, but at the same time, 900 Euro is a heck of a lot of money.

So what sort of sum would you give?

My wedding this week is costing £120 a head - I’ve been to several other weddings this year all around £100-150 per head in UK. It’s super expensive, very hard to get it cheaper than this. @GnightMaryEllen

There's always a going rate for gifts of any kind, whether it's cash or something you buy.

In the US people have gift registries with suggested gifts at different price points. Cash welcome too of course.

I always give towels and bed linen if there is no Wedding gift list.

Yep that's a completely normal gift. I got married 3 years ago and 90% of couples who attended gave us €200. I always give the same.

@SoyMarina Do Irish people generally do wedding gift lists? I attend a lot of weddings (joys of being early thirties) and I have never ever been to one, or even heard of one, with a gift list.

Give what you can afford. If that's £20 then so be it.

No. Standard gift is cash.

Mind you I've always given €100 for the last 20 years of weddings. Never thought it should be increased over time!! Oops.

Absolutely, particularly now with the cost of accommodation and car hire.

@shivawn no I've never ever come across a gift list. A friends sister was invited to a wedding about 15 years ago where there was one and I still remember it as it was so unusual lol.

Shivawn it’s not the norm but I think giving for money is impersonal so I give bed linen and towels to the value of about £100 and have always received thanks.
It is not the law to give money.
You are allowed to use your imagination.

Bed linen or towels would be considered a house warming present in Ireland. The vast majority of people I know wouldn't give that as a wedding present!

Yeah a house warming present. I got some bedlinen and matching curtains as a wedding present but never used them as they were the wrong size for my homes, a waste of money.

Some nice wine glasses would have been welcomed.

Oh no 😳

I gave £50 for a friend's wedding in Scotland. It cost us 200 to stay, a 100 in petrol, and about 200 in outfits. So I thought that was OK!

We also just gave it between us as we don't have separate money. Now I'm thinking it looks like we gave 25 each. Oh heavens... Next wedding I'll give more!

Anyway OP, I think the amount you gave was very generous! I'm sure they'll be pleased 😁

I live in Ireland and €900 would be ridiculous and ott in my opinion! €100 is absolutely acceptable. €300 is very generous. Maybe give a bigger gift if you're super close to them and want to. Kids that aren't working don't need to give anything. A token gift from them can be a nice gesture. Lots of people give wrapped gifts pr vouchers too, not just cash, in my circle anyway.
Don't worry too much and have a lovely time.

Also cant stand it when people say, ",you must cover the cost of the dinner!" Nooooo... I would give the same to my friend having a posh wedding as I would my friend having a buffet down the local. Actually, maybe a bit more to my skint friend!!

Completely agree with that Moon, it's a gift not a ticket. We've given the same to close friends who have had small family weddings we haven't attended too.

I have always been thanked graciously for bed linen and towels or indeed fr whatever I’ve given and we’ve never given money as a present.
It’s ok not to…you won’t be sent home!
As far as I know there’s no law saying you must give money as a wedding present in Ireland! 😀

I think €200 per couple is the standard gift now (used to be €150-€200 when I got married!). But for my wedding some aunts and uncles gave more - they didn’t have to travel though. Our wedding was a good example in the differences between Ireland and the UK - Irish guess all gave €150-200 and up to €500. British guests who gave money gave €25-50. Irish guests who live in the UK gave €150.

I'm not sure the same will apply in Scotland as in Ireland? I've never heard of this kind of amount being the norm anywhere else, unless I've been completely ignorant?

We got married earlier in the year (English wedding) and I'd estimate those who gave us cash or vouchers averaged out about £30-£50 per person in value, which we thought was more than generous

Cost of weddings I Ireland is absolutely crazy to guests these days .
We used to give €200 as a couple but have cut it to €150.
it’s generally a one or two night night stay in hotel , new outfits , hair etc
We got married ten years ago and the average amount was €200 per couple .
Any uk family was €50.

We paid an enormous amount for the wedding - we were young with no children then so times were different 😂

€90 per head for the meal and then we got a lot of extras like gospel choirs, piano guy , band , dj, candy cart, photo booth 😬 It’s ridiculous looking back on it now ! We had 150 guests.

Hope you enjoyed the wedding op, you gave a very generous amount after paying for travel ! Clare is a lovely part of the country

workflowers are you saying Irish people are more generous that English?
I hope not because in my 20 years living in the UK I have never found it to be the case.
However, I would say perhaps Irish people are more concerned about being seen to do the ‘right’ thing, to just go along with what everyone is doing, sadly.
I refer the Wedding list tradition as is still the norm here.

I think most couples getting married are happy with whatever they get be it cash or an actual present irrespective of the value as they are just happy to have their friends and family celebrate with them.

There will be some though who are like walking calculators but you'll find they tend to be the grabby sort in other areas too. Eddie Hobbs is the one who encouraged people to go for bigger weddings saying the couple would get more money because the cost of the band, DJ, flowers, photographer, wedding cars, clothes etc is the same no matter how many guests are invited.

There's usually some guests who attend and don't give anything as happened at my wedding and same at all of my siblings weddings but we were happy they attended anyway.

She didn't say that - she said the Irish guests gave larger wedding presents than the British guests. It comes up on every wedding present thread on here that that's the case. Just different norms.

How can there be a "going rate". Surely for lots of people €150pp is simply out of the question and for others it's insignificant?