Wedding present for Irish couple - what is the norm nowadays?

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We are off to DH's nephew's wedding next week, and thoughts have turned to wedding gifts. They've asked for cash for their honeymoon (apparently cash for wedding gifts is the norm in Ireland? Not so much in the UK, I'd say).

We asked SIL what she was giving, and she told us that the "going rate" is 150 Euro PER PERSON. I nearly fell off my chair. There are six of us going (us five, plus DS's GF), which comes to 900 Euro. That seems like a ridiculously generous sum to me....but it's years since we went to a wedding, so perhaps I'm completely out of touch.

For perspective, we have 16 nieces and nephews between us, and this is the first one to get married. I wouldn't say we are massively close to this particular nephew, and just going to the wedding is nearly bankrupting us....everything, from the hotels to the car hire is so pricy in Ireland right now. I don't want to be stingy, but at the same time, 900 Euro is a heck of a lot of money.

So what sort of sum would you give?

I've never yet been to a wedding in the UK which comes near to comparing to an Irish wedding. That's not an insult just a fact.
We irish probably over do things, the Mrs Doyle go on, go on, go on, is our way of doing things.
Try and remember when you're posting that this is craicnet and we are discussing how we do things. We aren't casting aspersions and it would be much appreciated if the same respect be given to us.

I have to say as an Irish person who has been to only a few Irish weddings but been to many in England, that I preferred the English ones because they were less conformist. Each one was different in terms of catering , music and the best bit was the actual venues in that they rarely had church sermons.
I also think Irish weddings go on too long….it’s just becomes boring after about 10 pm when you’ve heard the same story from a variety of relatives and pissed aunts/uncles……yawn!

These amounts seem absolutely mental to me! I could n

... I could not afford to attend these weddings. £50 is about my limit!

And as Irish person who has been to a fair few of each flavour, I preferred the Irish weddings, not least because I never left the venue hungry and in search of a snack.I like the large family gathering and the big community feel. I like that they go on all night. It’s personal preference. I don’t think ‘the English Wedding’ is the standard we should all be striving for. ‘The Wedding List’ over cash gift isn’t a sign of gentility or class.

It’s a different culture. It’s not trying to be England. I find English posters react in faux horror when the read Irish wedding threads. If you’ve been away a long time I wouldn’t expect you to be familiar with how things are usually done.

people do give gifts as well if that is their preference. We had some really lovely thoughtful gifts from guests, especially our older family members.

I agree with this - I'm in England but have been to lots of Irish weddings and they are all the same! Always church, bride and bridesmaids always look lovely, but always have that same very coiffured hairstyle and the same typical dress. Then off to a hotel (there is usually a choice of 2 or 3 that everyone uses depending on the area), big sit down meal, usually chicken based wedding fayre, speeches, free bar and a band who, in more recent times, will always do a rendition of Galway Girl, young relative will often do a bit of Irish dancing, then disco. Then at 3am, the pissed up sing song. All with millions of people, some of whom the bride or groom have never even met if they are a friend/relative from the other side.

They are good fun but they are so samey!

In England there is much more variety in actual wedding ceremony, food, style, entertainment at least!

But I do think English weddings do finish far too early!

I've had never seen chicken served at an Irish wedding, it has to be turkey😀
Any English weddings I've been to have been similar to irish in format. Church, venue, music, white dress, suits, flowers. But the Irish feed you to the gills, dance the legs off you and ends sometime near morning.
For me one or maybe two weddings a year is plenty both for the cost and repetitiveness of the events.

The latest weddings we've been at here haven't involved a church. One was on a beach in the west of Ireland during the recent good weather. It was moved outside from the beach front hotel.
We've one next year on their farm with a barn converted for the event. The farm house was used for a film so its very picturesque.
I've been at a wedding in a castle dungeon, in a marquee and obviously traveled abroad where the couple chooses a sun wedding. But yes the main would be in a fancy hotel and involve a church.

Many moons ago, it was tradition to give gifts as the couple would be setting up a new home together. Toasters were plentiful along with the 'good bed linen'.
Now that people will generally have lived together and already have everything in their home, the preferred gift is cash as house prices and mortgages and living lol, is costlier.

Anyone remember Brendan Grace?

It's not always weddings in churches as you claim, maybe it's just the weddings you have been to. Approx. half the weddings in Ireland are not religious. According to CSO figures 50.2% weddings in 2020 were religious, 49.8% were none religious and these weren't in churches.

Between family and friends who got married or were invited to weddings in the last 5 years most are having ceremonies in hotels or other venues.

And that's why I don't go to weddings! Ridiculous expectation these days

According to CSO figures 50.2% weddings in 2020 were religious, 49.8% were none religious and these weren't in churches.

Wow, that surprises me. I had a civil wedding 11 years ago and the notion caused much consternation. I've been to a couple since where no one batted an eyelid so I knew things had moved on, but I'm surprised things have moved that much. Good to see more people opting for something that better reflects their own beliefs.

It's good to see alright, I hadn't realised the increase in non religious weddings until earlier this year there was a discussion on the CSO figures on the radio. Around 34% were catholic weddings and dropping.

Great to hear that church wedding are on the wane!
And, thumbs up to individuality regardless of the country and nationality of the couple.

@SoyMarina - how do you know what size to get?

@BarbaraofSeville you have the wrong end of the stick here.

Nobody 'has to' give a gift of any kind. It's not a pay to play thing either.

However, the majority of guests attending will give a gift because it's considered rude and strange to go and not give a gift. This is true of weddings everywhere. It just so happens that in Ireland giving cash is acceptable, and most people giving cash want to be generous.

A few decades ago my mum and dad would buy a set of seventiestastic stoneware to give as wedding gifts. One of my cousins got six non matching sets from relatives. Cash solves the problem of sending a gift that doesn't suit. So does the gift registry or gift list.

My elderly mother attends weddings of her friends' children and gives a nice vase to everyone. Other guests probably give cash. Nobody gets turned away because they've come empty handed.

If she's invited to a wedding on the other side of Ireland and she can't go, she simply sends her regrets along with a card.

If you're in the UK and you're invited to a wedding in Ireland but it's not feasible to go and also bring cash, then you should of course still go. It would be nice to give a token gift all the same. If the happy couple didn't want you to be there to celebrate, they wouldn't have invited you, and nobody will hold it against you that you didn't do what a lot of other guests did. They would be a bit nonplussed if you booked yourself into a five star hotel and gave a set of wooden spoons though.

Most don’t need gifts, I certainly couldn’t afford £100s, my son had a guest list, I bought posh mugs, it also said charity donation if wished and they didn’t need anything.

PER PERSON?!?!? No, have had this conversation with tons of people over the years. 150-200 per couple/family, 100 for single person. In Ireland and have always hated the cash thing

Oh and yes, same as above, when we couldn’t afford we’d get glasses or the like instead

The only one of my siblings who had a big wedding did not put anything regarding gifts on the invitations as it was very much considered crass 20 years ago. They did say though that if anyone asked about what to get them, to say that they had most things and didn't want a gift at all, but if people wanted to, then cash would be appreciated. This was to strictly only be communicated if my mother had a gun held to her head. It was also communicated to my mother that she was not to say anything such as 'they don't need anything as they're loaded' as she would be prone to saying (she has a tendency to brag)😂
I only know of a few of the gifts, one of which was bizarrely some Laura Ashley wallpaper (hideously floral, pink and fussy and was hung in the downstairs bathroom though I suspect it was intended for a 'feature' wall or something), another was a bottle of red wine from a French friend of mine who was invited to the evening part only, my plus one gave 100 I think (we were young and poor) and the multi millionaires from across the road bought a beautiful Waterford crystal vase/fruit bowl thingy which probably cost £500 ish at the time (out of my price range anyway). I think the husband bought a round of drinks for everyone too (a ridiculous number at the wedding - 400 I think).
My other sibling had a registry office wedding during lockdown so only 11 people there? She used to dread wedding invitations as they were going to about 8 weddings a year and with the dresses and presents and accommodation it was costing them a small fortune.

The Irish are not greedy people in general but there is an element of keeping up appearances and feeling under pressure. Nobody wants their guests to feel obliged to give gifts. It's an odd mindset to cultures outside of Ireland I think.

The wedding number would have been a lot higher too if mother of the bride had been allowed to invite everyone from the 'Stations of the Cross area' (never heard of it lol) too. It was only right and proper lol.

Irish weddings can be big as you've aunts, uncles, cousins, work colleagues and friends and 2 priests, and a bishop if you're well up 😎

I can not think of anything more stressful than trying to organise a wedding. Luckily, I've never been proposed to! 😁

Oldcottoneye I’ve been married twice ( 3 years my first marriage and 20 years going strong my current one) and I’ve never been proposed to either 😀.
Both time we just decided to get married.
My first wedding was moderate and the second one was tiny.
Both in registry offices.
We get lovely gifts both times, no money requests and no wedding list sent either!