Irish mn'ers, how much can you relate to UK mumsnetters?

[Anotherdayanotherdollar]

I read a lot of different threads on here, and recently I have come across so many issues/practices that I think just don't happen in Ireland. Now, I could be completely off the mark here, obviously there's local/cultural differences everywhere!

I don't know any parents who attend childrens birthday parties with their children (unless family etc),

I'm not aware of any dads who work "compressed hours" to care for their children. Although I know a lot of parents who work opposite shifts I suppose.

Funerals and the culture and practices surrounding death are all very different.

I don't have an abundance of parks/softplay/childrens activities nearby. If I did I'm sure they'd be too expensive to just pop in after school etc. 2 within 40 mins drive of me are €8-10 per hr.

Most children just go to their local school (baptism barrier dependent)

New mums here all seem to be inundated with visitors in hospital after their babies are born. I've never come across a new mum who isn't having visitors for the first week/fortnight etc so that they can bond.

Just a few examples there. So, are these typical observations of Irish people? Or just where I live/work? I know that local amenities are dependent on funding etc but it just seems that despite our close proximity to the UK there are big differences in day to day life.
I hope that all comes across ok. I'm just curious really.

That makes total sense DrMantis. I do think that people in the UK consider the welfare state very much as theirs, that they have contributed to, so anyone defrauding it is stealing from them personally.

And of course, many UK people are terrible forelock tuggers to anyone in power or privilige. Even on Mumsnet the narrative is of lovely posh salt of the earth old money titled people as opposed to nasty lower class new money people.

And you can have the house private if you don't want visitors. This means putting house private on the death notice in the local paper and people, except close family will stay away.

Also re funerals it has to be noted that PMs happen incredibly quickly here, within 24 hrs, so a PM never seems to hold up the funeral process at all. Part of the machine, it seems.

The only times I've heard of a funeral being delayed is when the son or daughter has to get home from Australia for it. Even then you're only talking 4 days.

Even in violent criminal deaths they're buried within the week, like with the Cavan murder suicide (Alan Dawes or something?).

Which of course later led to him being disinterred and buried separately as he went into the ground next to his family so fast the wife's family hadn't yet seen the notes he left behind or knew what had been going on with him. In that case it was definitely too quick, but it was common custom and there was no physical reason to delay.

Agree about funerals, it’s much more a celebration of life and a good excuse for a knees up, although this is only a Catholic thing. The Protestants up here are much more like the English, funerals are very solemn, no wake, no children allowed.

I'm a Northern Irish Protestant and we have always had a wake, the night before the funeral food and drink in the deceased house until the early hours of the morning, and a tea in the church hall after the funeral. And someone always stayed with the deceased after they came home until the burial.

Why do you think people were interested in the Irish abortion vote? For the outcome? No. It was fascinating to people that there had to be a referendum in the first place. That's the only reason it was newsworthy.

It would only be such a source of fascination to those who are absolutely ignorant. I mean you do know that there is an entire region of the United Kingdom in which abortion remains a crime and within the past couple of years women have been convicted of procuring an abortion?

Omega1, if you don't know how the Irish constitution works then wind your neck in. This may be the first referendum in your memory after Brexit but it isn't mine.
At the risk of willy waving, the Irish know better how to use and run referenda because they have more experience because that is how the constitution works.

pallisers - I know you are not having a pop at me, but I just wanted to pick up on that and say I was STUNNED that the law was different in NI regarding abortions. I had no idea. It has made me wonder how many other different laws there might be in NI about other things.

The Cavan thing was too quick surely? It can't be the only time that sort of thing has happened either. In the UK there would be a post mortem and an inquest and all sorts of lengthy investigations before the bodies would be released. They must've rushed through all that in Cavan.

Margo I honestly didn't realise until recently that people from Northern Ireland also hold an Irish passport (does that mean they are also citizens and how will that work with Brexit?)

Also people from NI can get UK student finance to study in Ireland but the rest of the U.K. can't.

And there seemed to be differences in the court trial in the recent NÍ rugby player rape case.

No Tinkly here the bodies are released after the PM as there's no reason to deny the families a burial then, they have all the physical evidence for the inquest.

The inquest was months later.

Problem is, the motive was still completely unknown a week later when the burial took place. It was totally too soon but its unheard of to hold onto bodies for months for no real reason.

Definitely the openness around death.

I was born and raised in England but my family is Irish. The thing my DH was so shocked by on his first visit to Ireland was the death notices on the radio!

And yeah people in NI can consider themselves Irish citizens and yeah they can retain their EU citizenship because of their passports, if they have gotten one. They can still go through EU lanes in airports. But they won't get any other benefit whilst they live in NI as their surroundings and infrastructure will be British.

That's my understanding but I'm no expert that's for sure. I don't live in NI.

Irish couples holding hands and having a quick kiss/hug in public outside Dublin is a complete no no this isn't true but I think Scotland wins for PDA's

Also breastfeeding isn’t really done at all in Ireland also not true

Then all the people whose hand you shook send a mass card, just in case you hadn't quite clocked their condolences the first two times.

YOMANK

I sprayed pea and ham soup.

Although it is true.

English parents are less likely to take the authority of their child's school as gospel, more likely to challenge teachers rather than back up attempts at discipline. As Ireland becomes more secular, we're moving that way too.

Irish parents prfer children to be more compliant, use firmer discipline.

Yes, mass cards are another big difference. No doubt I'll be told Liverpool is awash with obliging priests, but my Mum has never found one in the home counties who'd do one for her - and she does go to mass, so it's not like she's just rocking up with a random cheeky fucker request.

@JaneJeffer do you mean there's loads of PDA's in Scotland? Can't say I've noticed it any more or less than anywhere else.

Yes Cherry I noticed when I was there lots of kissing and cuddling in checkout queues, etc.

My father died on a Thursday night, he was so disgusted with the Catholic church he threatened to haunt us if we took him inside a Catholic church so we waked him at home until the Monday morning when a church of a different denomination (we were the talk of the county ) could take us in. My brother did mutter to me Thank God it wasn't a Bank Holiday he starting to turn.

I think the references to 'parochial' and other digs at the supposed backwards nature of Ireland dont take account of the relative youth of the country. We became a Free State in 1922 and a Republic only in 1949! In that time we've come a long way to becoming a modern, well educated, outward facing, relatively wealthy nation. Of course there are still problems, but the pace of change is pretty good, no?

Hasten to add I know we were a dominion only until 1937 when we adopted the Constitution. In any event, we are pretty young in self determination terms.

I have to say that even though my mum is Irish born and bred, I feel very uptight and British when I visit. I'm always checking we are "on time" for stuff - usually family stuff. Which my family think is hilarious.

Some Irish people are actually punctual! I am one! I think Irish people are just a lot more laid back in general - reminds me a bit of Spanish people though i think they take it to extremes sometimes. Most of us don't get worked up about little things which I think is refreshing. Though it is sometimes annoying when you end up waiting ages for a tradesman to show up and they don't bother telling you they'll be late.

Irish don’t do timekeeping well. It’s beyond frustrating.
Also we’re ineffiecient at almost everything, I totally agree with that.
Regarding ratting people out. I think that’s beginning to change in Dublin , if not elsewhere, people seem happy to report others, especially if its pet related. But Irish people until very very recently had little or regard for rules or laws. And certainly in my neck of the woods no one would EVER report anyone else. But this is apparently a hangover from English rule too, when there were some absurd rules imposed , so we are still hardware to ignore laws we don’t agree with. I do think we’re beginning to change slowly.

I am not a snob honestly but a lot of posters who post x,y or z isnt done in ireland are living in their own b7bble and mistaking their own ways for the irish way full stop.